Cracking Cullen
by Mylisssa
Summary: No one touches Cullen. They keep trying as if winning his affection is a game. No one gets a chance with him. At least, that's what they think.
1. Chapter 1

**This was my entry for The Secrets and Lies contest. Thanks to Elise de Sallier for choosing it as her judge's favorite! Her lovely judge's review of the story is posted on my profile. And Mina Rivera's fantastic reward banner can be found on my Facebook page.**

 **Thanks to everyone involved with running the contest, those that read, those that wrote, and those that voted.**

 **Cracking Cullen has been separated from the one-shot into two chapters and will be continued. I'm thinking within a few weeks, but I'll add more of an author's note on that at the end of chapter two. I'm both super nervous and super excited to share this story.**

 **Thanks to sri ffn for prereading and all your time spent brainstorming with me, YourVixen for prereading and getting me when I'm being stubborn and encouraging me along, and dazzled eyes22 for pre-reading and betaing on this and being my sounding board countless times. My husband made me a banner that can be found on my Facebook page: Mylissa Denicks**

 **Cracking Cullen** : **No one touches Cullen. They keep trying as if winning his affection is a game. No one gets a chance with him. At least, that's what they think.**

 **\- DISCLAIMER: The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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 **Cracking Cullen**

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It's a blurry warmth in that place between consciousness and sleep. Lately, insomnia has been hounding me. I hold on to the abyss and try to drift back, but there's a pain that starts with a stiffness in my neck and moves up through the back of my head to my temples. There's a new-found tension as I turn my head to the side and light penetrates my eyelids. I wonder if I left my curtains open or if I failed to turn off the light.

Rolling my shoulders, I try to relax back into a Zen-like state. I shift around, trying to find a more comfortable position, but my hand meets skin that isn't mine. I freeze, trying to find the clarity to rewind my night, but the more awake I am, the stronger the pain in my head gets.

The body to my right rolls over, hand sliding across my waist, but I can tell by the breathing pattern against my arm that whoever it is, is not awake. With the most minuscule of movements, I run my fingers up my left side. My heart stops as I find not a single thread of clothing on me.

 _Oh, hell. What did I do last night?_

I keep my eyes closed as a chill passes through me. Drinking has never been my thing. I don't know what I was thinking, but I do. I remember enough to know exactly why I decided alcohol was a good idea.

Bad decisions—I'm full of them. I used to strive to do the right thing, but this last year, I've lost sight of what the right thing even means. Last night, has me reaching a new extreme. I've had sex before—once. I was with Jake for six months before we reached that next level. Six months seemed like a good amount of time to make him wait. I thought it'd bring us closer, that I'd find that missing piece lacking from our relationship, but after that night, I broke up with Jake because sex was something I never wanted to do again … ever, yet here I am.

Mike Newton's house, I remember first—followed by the memory of Alice wanting me to come out. Newton's parties are never a good idea. When Jake stopped by with my things after months of holding my stuff hostage, he glared over his shoulder and said, "You're frigid anyway."

I decided Newton's party wasn't the worst thing I could do.

Frigid. The word called out my biggest fear. I'd tried to be a good girlfriend, but I could never get it right. Empty and useless summed up my attempt at a relationship with Jacob Black. I should have never let Jake get to me. I'd hurt him, and through his struggle with our breakup, he'd shown me just how bitter and angry he could be.

Drunk Bella is obviously as bad at decision making as Sober Bella. Newton's party, a dark room, and giggling are as far as I've gotten. Then, I get a flash of a game of pool with Tyler Crowley in the basement. Mike insisted the party be held down there while the lights upstairs stayed low so the neighbors didn't call the cops again.

I remember the feel of latex sliding through my hand as I helped roll it down. This could be worse. I'm not on birth control. At least, there's that. Maybe Drunk Bella isn't completely stupid.

I lose all traces of fear and regret as the memories hit: the conversations, newfound confidence, and blossoming feelings. The concept of giddy emotion had been foreign before but experiencing those emotions firsthand was out of this realm. My smile lifts and everything seems brighter.

I peek between my lashes, and as soon as my eyes adjust to the overhead light, I get a good look and immediately close them. I only looked for a fraction of a second, but the image is already ingrained—bronze hair across his forehead, his bare chest, and long eyelashes skimming the top of his cheeks. So many have tried to get where I am now—shamelessly tried and failed. I never tried, never even considered it. Yeah, I was with Jake for a while, but I still wouldn't have ever done what other girls have tried to get his attention. I sneak another peek at him because even though I've never tried to go after him, I've always seen the appeal.

My thoughts flash to Jessica and Irina last night with their skirts too short for the weather in Forks. Hypothermia is okay as long as you're sexy. Cullen gives no one the time of day. They were no exception, and yet I was.

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 _Mike tried to usher everyone downstairs, but a few lagged behind—myself included as Alice and Rosalie went on without me. I wasn't going to walk down those stairs with any of my peers walking behind me with their excitement to get the party started._

 _Cullen moved to the living room and sat on the couch as if he hadn't heard where the party was. I smiled at his defiance and then rolled my eyes at the girls that followed him. Girls were always following him._

" _Are these seats taken?" Irina asked and purred, pointing to his dark-wash jeans with one hand, while her other hand was about to disappear up the front of Jessica's black, pleated skirt._

 _He barely looked, just pulled the hood of his hoody over his head, and said, "Please, go away."_

 _Jessica pouted her glossed lips. "Someday, you'll crack, Cullen."_

" _So you keep saying."_

 _Irina's hand moved up Jessica's leg a little more. "We'll come find you later. You work on changing your mind, but if not, we can help you with that too."_

 _I didn't listen to his response as I braved the steep basement steps, bracing myself on the splintering wooden banister as I went. The two girls approached the top of the steps just as I reached the bottom. Surrounded by concrete walls and flooring, I looked around for my only actual friend, but Alice was busy talking to people I didn't want to talk to. I kept looking around for a way to bide my time, bypassing card games and the drink selection. I looked just in time to witness Jessica and Irina's threesome offer being retried on Forks High quarterback, Riley Biers. He'd never turn them away. They wouldn't be going after Cullen again after all, or maybe they would. That was a disturbing thought._

 _Tyler Crowley pointed a pool cue in my direction. With a shrug of my shoulders, I accepted. Why not? Tyler was easy to be around, friendly but not overly so. The girl he was in love with was another story. The game was okay. I could have played all night and enjoyed myself, but catching one glare from Lauren Mallory, even though rumor had it that she ended it with Tyler to pursue a relationship with someone else, made sitting out the next round an easy decision. A game of pool with an okay guy wasn't worth the drama his ex would bring._

 _An arm around my shoulders had me recoiling. "How about a tour?" Mike offered. The smell of beer wafting off of him, as if he'd bathed in it._

" _No, thanks," I said, while removing his arm and then holding it until his balance steadied._

" _Suit yourself." Mike stumbled away from me and threw his arm around the next girl to walk by._

 _The basement was filled with people—way too many people. I leaned against a wall, shivering as the cold structure went through my thin T-shirt. I tried to create some warming friction by rubbing my hands against my arms and caught Emmett McCarty's attention. Being a successful wallflower means only making subtle movements. Even at being a wallflower, I'm a failure._

" _Ms. Swan, I think I may have just what you need."_

 _I laughed at the persona Emmett took on at parties. I held out my hand, and for the first time, accepted a drink mix from him. Maybe I was Frigid Bella before, but I could change that._

 _The heat from the shot I'd taken of Emmett's 'special elixir' was warming my chest and frazzling my brain as I stood there, wondering if I should find someone worth talking to or give in and follow Alice on her quest for the night._

 _Mike caught my gaze as I looked around. He gave me a wink and a head nod, offering me something. What? I didn't know. I shook my head, and his shoulders slumped. Before he could offer me a tour again, I decided to give myself one and steer clear of him. He'd tried to garner my attention from time to time, but luckily, some girls did like him, so he didn't keep his sights on me long._

 _The stairs were easier to walk up than down. My fear of being knocked down them from behind wasn't present as I went up. There were a few lamps lit throughout the house but mostly darkened rooms greeted me. Touring unoccupied areas wasn't boding well for the persona I was going for, even Cullen's former spot in the living room was empty._

 _I flicked on a hall light and kept on the tour I'd set out on. When I was done, I had every intention of resuming pool with Tyler or talking to Mike as if he were the friendly guy everyone else perceived him as. He probably wasn't as bad as I made him out to be, but being downstairs with so many people was overwhelming. As I walked down the hall, there was an opening with no door, just a cutout room with a TV playing. I peered around the open wall and found Edward Cullen sitting in the middle of a worn-out couch. The furniture, electronics, and décor screamed man cave and reminded me of my own house. Every room, except for my bedroom, screamed the same thing._

 _I looked at Cullen's profile, admired the fullness of his lower lip and the lines and curves that made up his face. It was no wonder girls threw themselves at him. He looked flawless._

 _Green eyes met mine when he caught me staring. He gave me a nod, and said, "Bella, hey."_

 _I might have died right there just knowing he knew my name, but I had that shot on my side and a desire to prove to myself that I wasn't frigid. "Hey, Cullen. Hiding out?" I asked, taking a few steps toward him._

" _I meant to go down there, but it's the same shit as school, and I don't feel like being annoyed right now."_ _His gaze went from me to the TV and back to me again._

 _I looked at the commercial playing on the screen, watching it sounded like a much better time than the party._ _"There are a lot of annoying girls around here, but if you want to go down there, I could help you block their advances."_

 _The corner of his mouth lifted. "Oh, yeah. How's that?"_

" _I don't know. What are they after tonight? Lap sitting? I can make it look like that seat's taken," I said, eyeing his lap and not believing the words coming out of my mouth, but it could work. They'd probably leave him alone if I was there, even if I had different intentions. I wasn't trying to seduce him. I don't think Frigid Bella could handle a seduction rejection. "You know … just so they leave you alone."_

 _He lifted his hand off his thigh, and said, "… Or we could stay up here, and you could sit here anyway. You know … just in case someone comes up."_

" _Yeah?" I asked, taken aback. No one touches Cullen, and I'm not good with affection. Looking at him, though, I understood it: the desire to be touched by somebody._

" _Yeah, sit here if you want." He leaned his head back on the cushions._

 _I took a step forward, but when I hesitated, he reached his hand out and helped me bridge the gap between us._

 _._

 _._

He shifts beside me. I hope he doesn't regret waking up with me. He kisses my shoulder, and then there's more stillness. Nothing about this feels like regret.

"Hmm, Cullen." My voice is raspy from lack of use.

"You feel okay?" he asks as he rests his palm against the side of my face with his thumb caressing my cheek.

We were both drinking. If either one of us had refrained, I don't know that I would have talked to him, and if I had, at some point, he might have told me to go away.

"Kind of achy. You?"

"Same," he says, squeezing his eyes shut and then blinking a few times. "I'll try to find us something." He stands up, fully naked and making no attempt to cover up, and walks to one of the two doors in the room. When he flips the light switch on, it's a bathroom, and I could really use one right now. I drag my eyes away from his naked form to an alarm clock on the bedside table. The digital, red numbers read that it's just past five o'clock in the morning. He closes the door, and I take a moment to look around the room. There are flower prints on the curtains, blankets, and framed wall art. I can't walk around naked like he did, but there's a small blanket hanging off the back of a chair in the corner, so I grab it and wrap it around myself like a towel. The quick action makes me light headed.

Cullen opens the door and comes back with a paper cup and a bottle of generic pain pills. "Two?" he asks as he hands me the cup.

As I nod, I train my eyes on the offered water and not his body.

"Do you need to leave or can we go back to sleep?" he asks and sits beside me before dropping two pills in my hand.

I swallow one pill at a time. My dad thinks I'm with Alice. I'm supposed to be with Alice, but he won't check with Alice's mom. "I'm good. Do you think we're okay to stay here?"

"Yeah," he says and lies back on the bed. "Mike's folks are gone all weekend. Come sleep."

"Okay." I finish my water, ask him to give me a minute, and head to the bathroom, pleading with my bladder to hold on the way.

As I gaze in the mirror, I look like a wreck, and I wonder how my appearance looks to him since he helped cause it. Normally, I wouldn't want anyone to see me like this, but maybe this isn't so bad. I smooth my hair down with water and run my fingers through it. Next, I try to clean up the smudges in my eyeliner. I didn't bring anything else to this party except my phone, wherever that is. I didn't bring anything to help me look more presentable. I wish I had.

My body feels heavy and the pain is radiating. I drink more water using another paper cup from the stack of them. I still look like a mess, and I don't feel good at all, but my smile is big because Cullen … Edward Cullen … with me. I'm embarrassing myself with these feelings, but it's still mixed with the excitement that I'm having them in the first place. Emmett might be onto something with those cures of his and that I apparently needed them.

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" _What's going on here?" Emmett asked, carrying a tray of shot glasses with green liquid sloshing around. His presence startled me, but I shouldn't have been surprised to see him since he hung out with Cullen all the time. The hall light that I'd left on illuminated Emmett's attire. He wore a white short-sleeved button-up and a tie like a professional working an event._

 _Cullen didn't make an attempt to acknowledge him, and if it weren't for the arm he wrapped around me after I sat on him, I'd say he wasn't acknowledging me, either. "Guard duty," I said. "The girls are relentless tonight. They could come find him at any time."_

" _Well, I'll be damned if I don't have just the cure for what ails you." He held up his tray; the color of the liquid looked chemical._

 _Cullen chuckled behind me and reached for a shot glass. I copied his action, and we both threw the shot back._

 _Poison. Pure toxin. I didn't know what it was, but it tasted awful—worse than the one I'd had before._

" _You two look like you could use another," Emmett said, giving us another glass and then taking a shot of his own. "I'm glad you're guarding him because when I do, I have to take on his castoffs. There's only so much of me to go around."_

" _Don't even lie. Who exactly have you taken on?" Cullen asked as he set his empty glass on the tray._

" _Well, someone has to let those rejected souls down easy. The things you say are just mean. Do you not understand how fragile these girl's egos are? You're causing permanent damage, man."_

" _Emmett," Cullen said. His arm around my waist moved, as he brought his hand down to squeeze my upper thigh. "Go away."_

" _You see, Swan. He's an ass. You can keep the guard dog, or guard cat, job because he's broken my heart one too many times. Any chicks trying to come around here, just hiss at them. I'd follow them up to see that."_

" _Em," Cullen said, a warning in his voice, but it didn't matter what Emmett was saying. I was caught up in the feeling elicited by the squeeze on my leg._

" _Okay, you want one more of these before I go perform more miracles."_

 _I didn't even think about it. I just reached forward and grabbed another glass, and they followed suit before we clanked all three together because why not? It was a party and getting sleepy drunk as I guarded Edward Cullen's lap sounded like a pretty good evening. Cuddled up with Edward Cullen, maybe I wasn't as frigid as I thought._

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The room is dark when I open the door, so I feel my way back over to the corner and put the blanket where it was on the chair. Back under the covers, I try not to disturb him in case he's already asleep. I'm not sure how to lay, or how he'd like me to. There's spooning, holding, and arm laying. I settle on lying on my back but turning my face his way. Body language is important. I angle a leg toward him, but then turn it back because he can't see it and really, he's already in bed with me naked. Wait. I'm still naked, and he turned off the light while I was in the bathroom, so maybe he's not. I stop myself from getting up and getting dressed because he may not be. No matter what I do, I'm weird.

 _Bella, please don't be weird._

He rubs the length of my arm from my shoulder to my wrist and back again. "Good morning night." He laughs. "Sorry. That was dumb. I didn't know what to say."

I should probably touch him back in some way, but going about that isn't easy. Where do I touch? How do I? "Not dumb," I say, relieved he's feeling awkward in this moment too because we're in this together, for now anyway. "Good morning night." I laugh, too.

His hand stops moving at my wrist, so I bring my other hand over to cover the back of his and leave it there.

There.

That feels okay … like I'm doing something right. I close my eyes, feeling less weird.

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" _I think it's the pheromones." My nose was in the crook of his neck._

" _What is?" he asked as he intertwined the tips of our fingers._

" _Why girls throw themselves at you?" I took a moment and just felt his fingers against mine. It was the pheromones. He had even me craving to be touched by him. "I mean you're hot and all, but it's not like you're the only hot guy around. Plus you've got that whole untouchable thing going on, so that's probably why they try so hard." I smelled his cheek because he was wearing some sort of cologne on his clothes. It was nice, but I just wanted to smell his skin. "Yeah, it's definitely this. You're like a siren. Girls pass you in the hall and then all they can think about is getting you in bed."_

 _His fingers slid down further between mine, so we were fully holding hands. "Even you?"_

 _I smelled him again because how did his skin smell like that? "Even me, and that's saying something because I'm not seducible." His chest rumbled against my shoulder with silent laughter. "And you see, this_ guarding you _thing is working. No girls have bothered you, unless they're flashing you behind my back. Are they flashing you?"_

 _He laughed out loud. "No. I haven't seen anyone but Emmett come up here." His hood was off and his hair was all mussed up. "But maybe. My phone's buzzed a few times. I usually get those kind of texts on the weekends."_

 _I tipped my face upward and smelled his hair. "Well, this sucks because it's completely unlike me, but I'm probably going to be sending you those kinds of texts too, but on the weekdays. Definitely on the weekdays." Somehow even in my fuzzy haze, I knew how ridiculous I sounded, but the idea didn't sound as absurd as it should have._

" _Is that right?"_

 _Nodding, I said, "I'm not trying to crack you, though. I wouldn't do that."_

 _He flipped our joined hands over and squeezed. "And why is that?"_

 _I didn't look at our hands. I didn't like holding hands because it felt like bones and knuckles and sweaty palms. He moved his thumb over the back of my hand though, smoothly gliding back and forth. Of course, he was a perfect hand holder._

" _Because everyone knows you don't want to. Trying to convince you is just wrong. I won't send you naked pictures, either. I shouldn't have said that."_

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I wake up to his fingers sliding back and forth across my stomach. The light penetrating my eyelids is softer than before, so I presume this is daylight coming through curtains and not ceiling light, illuminating the dark. The bed dips as he shifts more, and I'm still closing my eyes. I don't feel as bad as I did the first time I woke up with him, and I'm not as confused, but that still doesn't mean I know what the hell I'm doing, and I don't want to act odd or get something wrong.

His leg is against mine, his whole side is against me with so much skin on skin that the question of whether or not we're both still naked is cleared up. His caresses move upward between my breasts, but he doesn't touch them. He can if he wants. I guess he doesn't know that. I don't know how to tell him. I can't tell him anything as he doesn't know I'm awake yet.

As he traces my clavicle and kisses just above it, my smile creeps up without my permission, and I have to let go of my charade of still sleeping.

Last night, with the flirting, even when it got weird and my slips of the tongue went too far, we came back from it. I can do this.

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" _What if I want to?" His lower teeth pushed against his upper lip._

 _I wanted to feel them—both his lips and his teeth. "You want naked pictures?"_

 _He shook his head. "I mean … send them if you want, but the cracking thing, don't think I'm always going to say no."_

" _Oh, I thought you must not like that. Should I stop guarding you?" I shifted to stand, but he held me still._

" _No, you're right. I don't like it. I don't like being a game, but just … if you're not playing one … don't censor yourself or hold back because I've said no to other people."_

 _._

 _._

I lean against the feel of his hand on my cheek, never before finding as much comfort in a touch as I'm finding right now and last night.

He leans forward with his perfect everything and kisses me with the softest lips, making my eyes close as I breathe him in and manage to kiss him back. He chuckles against my lips and kisses me again.

I'm not sure what's funny, but I smile, find my nerve, and kiss _him_ this time. I only have a fraction of a worry that he won't kiss me back since I'm the one doing it. He has no hesitation in his kisses nor in his caresses. He's a natural at this touching thing, and I have to work at it. I blame my mom with her kiss-kiss to the air, not even near my face, but from the doorway every time she wished me goodnight or goodbye. It's been an adjustment living in Forks this last year and a half, but I think my dad, Charlie, and my closest friend here, Alice, took the hint pretty quick and quit trying to hug me. Jake was a whole different story. I was supposed to want him to touch me. I thought it would always be that way, and I had accepted it. Now, I don't know what's wrong with me. Before last night, I'd never even spoken to Edward Cullen, but his hands are giving me goosebumps, and his kisses are leaving me wanting more.

My palms are sweating, so I rub his torso with my knuckles. He starts kissing my neck and this breathy whimper sound leaves my throat. His chuckle vibrates against my skin, but the sound was mortifying, not funny. I want to be the girl that I was last night, who made noises freely and didn't have hesitancies and hang-ups over what she was doing wrong. I want to be the one who wanted to leave the light on and not the one who covers a body I've already shown him with a blanket.

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 _I mimicked his thumb movements on my hand, rubbing mine on his. "So, if I said we should find a room or something, you'd say ..?"_

 _He smiled. "Do you want to?"_

" _Only if you do." My heart raced. I could be that girl and be with him in all the ways I never wanted to be with anyone._

 _His eyelids fell, and it felt like the whole world stopped, freezing everyone but us in that moment as he said, "Okay."_

 _We exchanged timid smiles as we walked down the hall. He walked a few paces ahead and looked into a few rooms before choosing one._

 _He held his hand out for me to enter the room first—the room I asked him to find us. When he closed the door, I made sure he locked it. Our movements were slow from nerves or drinking I didn't know. He reached for the light switch, but I stopped his hand. I wanted to see him. I couldn't stop looking at him._

 _Our faces brushed, his nose found my cheek, and his fingers found my chin. "I like your pheromones too," he said before he kissed me. As our lips moved, all sense of hesitancy and insecurity was lost._

 _I'd been kissed before by Jake and a few guys back in Phoenix. It was lips and puckering and pointless movements. I'd never been kissed with heated breaths and hips that seek to find and move against. We lost clothes like we had to, like they were in the way of us kissing the way that we were trying to. I sent a silent sorry to Alice as I got the condom that she told me to hold on to out of my pocket._

" _Are you going to ditch me after if we do this?" I asked, but I opened the wrapper anyway._

" _No. Are you going to ditch me?" He kissed my neck and found one of those feel-good spots that other people have, spots that I didn't have, but he found them anyway._

" _I'm pretty sure I'm going to want to do this again in the morning. No ditching?"_

" _I like this plan," he said as our hands met, rolling the condom down as I stole feels of his skin just below the unroll of the latex._

 _._

 _._

Last night, I had amazing foresight, but I don't know how to progress what we're already doing into more. Last night, it was kissing and taking clothes off. Now, there's kissing, so much kissing, but our clothes are already off.

I look in his eyes, and he looks back, smiling before he presses his mouth to mine again. Moving my hands to his sides, I pull him closer, angling my body so we're more front to front than we are next to each other.

He lets out one of those breathy chuckles. "Yeah?"

The relief in him getting my drift makes me feel as if I could float. "Yeah."

He moves away, and I want to pull him back as I feel every single inch of distance as he reaches over to the floor and grabs his pants.

"Whose room is this anyway?" I ask as I try not to come off as desperate as I feel.

"I think Mike's grandma stays in here when she visits." He drops the pants back to the floor.

His answer gives me pause. I defiled a grandmother's bed. We defiled a grandmother's bed. My thoughts are running rampant with what a horrible person I am, but Cullen's busy opening a condom and setting the wrapper on the nightstand. His hands disappear under the blankets. I look away. The action feels personal. I should probably be doing something, but we're already naked in bed, and I'm still trying to be normal.

He's kissing on my neck again as he moves over top of me. My legs cooperate by moving out of the way, but I don't make a sound. It feels nice, but I'm nervous. I glance at the condom wrapper. Its contents are pressing against the most inner part of my thigh. My body's reacting, wanting to pull him closer, but my mind gets stuck on remembering that the one we used before wasn't mine.

Alice shoved it into my pocket to hold onto when I arrived last night. She had every intention of seducing Jasper Whitlock. Alice has been trying to get his attention for months. I don't want to assume that I ruined their night and what she'd hoped would come of it, but I might have, and I don't like that feeling. Edward carries his own. Maybe Jasper does too.

Edward catches me looking at the wrapper. "Is it the wrong brand or ..?"

"No, it's fine. Just … last night's wasn't mine. I was holding it for someone."

"I should probably feel bad for whoever, but I don't." Now my nipple is in his mouth.

I'm distracted—thoroughly and efficiently from the wrapper. I don't feel the latex anymore, but it's there. The energy is down there somewhere between my legs. It's there. I'm not sure how the hell I'm feeling it without him touching me, but the pulse is strong, like a super power or something.

His mouth moves to my other nipple with a swirl of his tongue followed by a flick. I'm just lying here—frigid and lifeless. He's about to be the only person I've had a recurring sexual experience with. It's not the time to be shy. I drag my nails up his back, liking the way his skin feels. I've heard guys talking about marks on their backs, but even as Cullen adds teeth to his ministrations on my chest, I can't bring myself to leave marks on his skin.

He moves up my body. I feel him position himself, but it's not this monumental entrance that I expect. It's this fluid moment of kissing and my body seeking that more feeling, but my mind forgets to be hyper-aware of when it happens. It's a natural shift of kissing to kissing and connecting as if my body knows how to do this. The same thing happened last night too, but that version of me didn't analyze a thing.

His slow movements speed up, and my own somehow follow. I don't know how. They just do. He kisses my mouth, adding suction to my lips and then teeth. I think he's trying to get my mouth open, but as much as I want that, I can't, not without brushing my teeth.

When I don't relent, his mouth moves back to my neck, and my hands move up the back of his. I do that shameless thing because I can't be in this position and not touch his hair a little, just at the nape of his neck. I expect it to feel sleek with how shiny it always looks, but it's soft. I only mean to touch just a bit, but my hands move up into the silky strands he lets no one touch … ever. Girls ask all the time. Some reach out and blatantly try. Maybe that's why he always wears that hoody.

His movements don't falter, so I keep touching his hair. He pushes one of his arms under the small of my back, letting more of his weight rest on me. Air is forced out of my lungs, and he's pressing on me in such a way that I can only take in shallow breaths. Breathing doesn't matter, not with whatever angle this is that feels better than anything I've ever felt before … ever.

"Damn … Cullen," I manage to say with the bit of oxygen I have.

He moves faster, and it's even better. The feeling is more intense, and my ability to breathe is a little less hindered now. Who knew he would be so good at this? Who am I kidding? Everyone knew he'd be good at this. People must have a radar for this sort of thing.

"Shit," he says, and stills. "Sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" I ask and push the hair off his forehead. I'm horrible. He doesn't let people touch his hair, and I'm here acting like I'm entitled to.

"You didn't come." He looks down at my body as he slips out. "I can try something else."

"It's okay. I don't … I've never. It was good. You feel good. Don't be sorry. I'm not."

His brows knit together. "Were you faking last night?"

My mouth opens, but I can't speak. Last night, I let loose in a way that I never do. All those good feelings were magnified in my lack of restraint, and as much as I wanted to be that girl this time, I didn't let myself go that far. "No, I didn't mean for you to think that I had. We were drinking, and I was extra expressive. I'm not really like that. Well, I don't know what I'm like because I don't really do this, but that was probably over the top."

His brow furrows further. "Last night, you wanted to though, right? You were really—"

"Aggressive," I say, pulling blankets around my body and tucking them under me so I'm cocooned. "I wanted to—both times. Did you? Isn't this what I was supposed to be guarding you from?"

His features relax. "You weren't guarding me from you." He kisses me and then walks to the bathroom, making no attempt to cover up.

I smile while he's gone, bringing my fingers up to my lips as if I could hold his kiss there. He's really sweet. The first thing Jake said after was to ask me what to do with the condom and then get annoyed when I had no idea. He was gone for a while as he figured it out, and I was left with a pit in my stomach after an event I couldn't take back. This is nothing like that. This feels good and right, and if he wants to see me after this, I really want that. If he doesn't, I can be cool about it. It's good to know how great being with someone can feel. It could have taken me years to try again, if the events of last night hadn't lead me to right here.

When Edward's back from the bathroom, I make the trip myself, taking the blanket with me again. I should be as confident as he is being naked in front of each other after all of the seeing and feeling we've already done, but I can't bring myself to go through with it.

Edward's dressed and on the phone when I get back into the room, so I grab my clothes and head back to the bathroom. He must be talking to his parents because he's talking about being home eventually and rolling his eyes.

When I'm dressed, he's sitting on the end of the bed, amongst the unmade blankets.

"Everything okay?" I ask and set the blanket I brought with me on the bed.

"Yeah," he says and pulls on my arm until I'm sitting beside him. "Do you want to get out of here?"

I don't know what he has in mind, but I nod anyway. He kisses me, trying to deepen it again, so I lean back. "If I had a toothbrush, I would kiss you better."

He kisses the side of my mouth, and says, "Grandmothers probably have stashes of stuff like that. I'll check."

Cullen's hoody is laying on the bed, so I touch it as I focus on the sounds of his search through the bathroom drawers and cupboards. My smile is so big it's starting to hurt my cheeks.

I spot my phone on the nightstand and grab it. There are seventeen missed messages, mostly from Alice, and one from Rose, all asking where I am in different ways. I send off a text to Alice, telling her I'm still at Mike's and my phone immediately rings.

"I'm okay," I say. "Are you okay? What happened with Jasper?"

"Absolutely nothing, and I'm great aside from not being able to get a hold of you. No one at Mike's seemed to know where you went, but then there was Emmett asking me to keep it on the down low that you were keeping girls away from Cullen. I'd like to hear what exactly this entailed because if you managed to get close to Cullen, this is going to be epic. I don't think you fully understand what this could mean."

I don't know what to tell her, especially not with him just a few feet away. I don't know what last night and this morning mean for Cullen and me going forward, but I know one thing I don't want is Alice's overwhelming interference. I'm no good at lying. My dad knows I was with Alice last night. That's all I told him, and it was my intent to spend the evening with her. It's not my fault her intent was to follow Victoria around all night since her boyfriend, James, is Jasper's neighbor. Victoria is too much and so is feigning friendships to get closer to a guy.

"Girls were being extra gross, so I offered to guard him. Don't start jumping to conclusions."

She groans. "Oh, I have plenty of conclusions. Admit it. He's hot. Everyone thinks so, even you can't be immune to that. If you cracked him, even the slightest bit, you're as good as royalty around here."

I squeeze the phone tighter, not wanting to lie to her, but she won't let this go. "Alice, stop! There was no cracking. I was just guarding him. Did you see Irina and Jessica with Riley?" At her sound of disgust, I say, "See, we can agree. He needed guarding, so stop it, please."

"Dammit," she says. "I was about to get excited. Why do you have to be like this? I thought we were ready to go through with getting you a new boyfriend. I was talking to Peter. Bella, if you'd just relax and live a little, I think he'd be perfect for you."

"Stop," I say, grabbing Cullen's hoody off the bed. I just want to feel it. I have no interest in Peter. "That's not going to happen. I didn't come to this party to find a boyfriend. I know you're trying to help, but can we just drop that."

She sighs. "I'm sorry, I just thought that's why you came out … because you were ready."

"More like because Jake pissed me off again. Anyway, where are you?"

"Heading toward Rosalie's. Should we swing back and get you?"

"No, I'm good."

"Okay, if you're sure, and Bella, don't worry about what Jake said. You guys just weren't compatible. We'll find you someone else when you're ready. I'll give you a break from my matchmaking."

Edward's standing in the doorway empty-handed when I end the call.

"Sorry, Alice is dramatic. Any luck in there?" I ask.

"Just tiny shampoo bottles and meds. Let's just go." He reaches toward me, and I think it's for my hand, but I've got his hoody, so I hand it to him instead.

After he puts it on and zips it up, I'm not ready to leave. He's changed so many of my perceptions from handholding to kissing to sex, but there's one more thing, one more thing that's for friendships as well as relationships that I have so far sucked at, but I want things with him despite the fear that I suck at them.

I take a step forward and wrap my arms around his neck. My arms are locked, but his just move lightly to my sides. I don't know what I was expecting, some monumental hug that shattered expectations, I guess. He still smells nice.

I kiss his cheek, and say, "Okay, now we can go."

I expect him to chuckle, but he doesn't.

The house is fairly clean and quiet. It's understandable why the party was relegated to the basement.

Edward's looking for something in the refrigerator when Emmett rounds the corner. "How are you two doin'? You feelin' it today? I might have just the thing—"

Edward shuts the fridge. Slamming it is a harsh word, but he closes it pretty hard. "Drop it, Em. And don't give me any of that shit again."

Emmett lifts both hands and backs away. I don't know why Cullen's mood has changed, but I keep my distance as we make our way to his car in the driveway.

"Are you okay?" I ask as we buckle our seatbelts.

He lifts the hood of his hoody. "Fine."

When he pulls out of the drive, he doesn't head toward town where the diner is, and it's the only place to eat around here. As we near my house, I think maybe we're going to shower, change, and get those toothbrushes. It makes sense. We're not really presentable for public audiences.

He pulls into my driveway. I look over to him to figure out what the plan is, but he's looking straight ahead, and I can't see his face because of his hood.

"I'll see you around," he says in a monotone voice.

I guess I misinterpreted what getting out of there meant, but this is more than that. I've never been needy, but I've never been good at emotions, either. He's already had me feeling more than I knew possible, showing me what heartbreak feels like is another new one. I don't say anything. I just get out and go in my house without looking back.

.

* * *

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A/N: Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

- **DISCLAIMER: The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **.**

 **.**

Tears glide down my face onto my pillow, so many tears as if my body is trying to clear the touches he left on my cheek just hours before. Nothing can clear that feeling, but the downpour of the hardest crying I've ever done taints the memory of it. Anything washed away is being caught on the fabric of my pillowcase, seeping through to the pillow it's supposed to be protecting.

My phone chimes, and I grab it, hopeful that he was just being moody, and he's ready to go somewhere with me. It's not him though. It's Alice and guilt becomes a pit in my stomach because I hate when boys come before friends, and here I am, disappointed that it's her that texts.

 **Did you see the post Tori tagged Jasper in? He got new shoes. Black and white. They look so good.**

My heavy eyes manage to roll—at the shoes and at the fact that we're now calling Victoria, Tori, but it's a dawning realization of those little things. If Cullen got new shoes, I'd like to know that too, so I don't respond to her Jasper ramblings with my usual "Yeah, yeah, yeah." I pull up the photo on my phone and tell her how perfect the shoes are for him instead. At least, it's true. Skater boys and skater shoes are a perfect compliment.

Alice's text is only a momentary distraction, and I'm back to wondering just how many tears one pillow can hold.

When my phone goes off with another text, it's a heavy-knowing lift because I already know it's her and not him.

 **Oh, no. His backpack ripped!**

My eyes and nose are running, but I laugh out loud at this _breaking news._

I text her back. _ **Whatever shall he do?**_

If she notices the difference, that I'm actually engaging her in the Jasper talk, she doesn't say anything. We start hypothesizing what Jasper may do about his backpack. Luckily, she doesn't call. I've seen her go off on Rosalie's boyfriend, Alec, enough times to know how she'd react if she were to find out about the day I've had. I want to tell her and let out all these feelings that are welling up inside of me, but the idea of her unleashing on him keeps my mouth shut. It'd be nice though, telling her. I bet she'd run right over here and help me get through this.

When my phone dings again, I balance it on the sequin pillow I bought myself a few weeks ago. It's been perfect for running my hands over during these mindless hours in between texts from Alice. It's not Alice, though. It's Rosalie, apologizing for ditching me at the party. I'm surprised to hear from her. We have a mutual friend in Alice, but we don't really talk or hangout unless Alice is around. I'm no good at relationships, but I'm not good at friendship, either.

When the texts stop, the crying starts up again. I wipe my eyes and head to the shower because even when I think I'm out of tears, I manage to make more. The limited time I spent with Cullen shouldn't have me wallowing this hard. It's not worth it. I don't believe it, but it's the exact advice I would give someone else in my situation. I pull myself together, so I can look like a presentable person when I join my dad for dinner, but I bring my phone with me everywhere I go because maybe he'll call. Maybe.

Maybe he'll text, but I like the way we talk, the sound of his voice and the way he makes me feel like the things I say are worth something.

.

.

 _As Emmett's form retreated, I got a wave of giggly feelings that felt a lot like sparkling without the sparkles. It was a radiating feeling. Cullen's thigh squeezing hand wasn't squeezing, but his fingers were flexing against my jeans, reminding me of spider legs._

 _There was a blue ink mark in the webbed spot between his thumb and index finger. I grabbed his hand for a closer look. It was only after I pulled it to my face that I realized what I was doing. He watched with a smirk as if wondering what I was up to._

" _An eye?" I asked as I pulled his thumb away to get a better view of the spot that hides when his fingers are pushed together._

" _Yeah, I can't stop drawing them." He pushed his thumb closed._

 _A giggle left my mouth, and I covered it with my hand. I didn't mean to laugh at that. "Why not?"_

 _He shook his head, fighting back a smile. "I couldn't get them right, so I practiced and practiced, and now if you give me a pen, I'm going to draw an eye."_

 _He let go of a breathy laugh as I looked around for a pen. Shifting beneath me, he pulled one out of his pocket._

" _Like magic," I said as I spread my fingers and offered him the same spot on my hand._

 _He moved his arms so he could hold my hand steady with one of his with the gentlest of pressure as he drew. I didn't watch what he was drawing. I watched the intense look in his eyes and the peak of his tongue against his lips._

 _He pulled the wet ink up to his mouth and blew on it._

 _I looked at the drawing, small but precise. "Perfect."_

" _Yeah? You think so? Tell me something about you." He slid the pen back into his pocket._

" _I do think so, but I don't know. I don't really do anything. Wait," I said and pulled my necklace out from under my shirt. "I made this."_

" _Seriously?" he asked as he examined the wire flower as if it was the most monumental thing a person could do._

 _._

 _._

After a quick meal with my dad who was oblivious to my plight, I sit on my bed glad to keep him in the dark. I move my thumb, revealing that hidden spot, but there's nothing there, not even the faintest line of ink. I start searching for Edward Cullen on social media, rationalizing that it's not stalking when you're needing proof that someone even exists.

The profile picture on his Facebook page is blurry. It looks artistic, and I have no doubt that it's a photo of him, but I can barely make out his perfect features. His cover photo is a hand-drawn picture of eyes and vining barbwire. He's real. I already knew that but seeing those eyes he can't help drawing makes him that much more real. My heart clenches, and I miss him. I miss the moments I got to have. I miss the moments I wish I had.

.

.

Sunday morning I'm pulled from sleep by the sound of my phone.

"Hello."

"I miss you. Come hang out?"

These words would be so much better coming from someone else's mouth.

"Jake, no." I close my eyes, not ready to leave sleep behind.

"I love you, too, Bella. Why are you like this?" he asks. I'd think he was getting friendly with Alice, but it's a question I ask myself every day. Why am I like this?

"If I'm so horrible, why do you keep calling me?" I ask.

"I don't know, maybe when you tell me why the hell you really broke up with me. We're not better as friends, Bella. Clearly."

Clearly is right. The friendship we had is long gone. "Well, we would have been. We ruined it. I don't know what else you want to hear."

He lets out a string of curse words and hangs up. I spend the rest of my day scouring the internet for traces of Edward Cullen and listening to Alice gush over Jasper Whitlock.

.

.

Dread. That's what Monday is. I want to see him, long for it even, but now that it's here, now that I might, I'm nervous.

Alice and Rosalie loop their arms together as we walk down the halls. They make it look easy, but every time Alice tried the same with me at the beginning of our friendship, I never knew how to hold my arm right.

We walk in strategic directions that will have the highest probability of passing Jasper. It used to annoy me, but now I get it, even the slightest glimpse feels like a colossal occasion. I smile right along with her when we see the duct tape on his backpack. That was on our list, fixing it with either duct tape or safety pins.

There's this spot that Cullen usually sits in the morning, between classes, and at lunch. Sometimes, he has a notepad and other times, Emmett is with him. It's an old picnic table with splintered wood and moss. Once upon a time, probably when my parents were students here, the area used to be where students ate, but after a cafeteria remodel, that old picnic table is all that remains out there. It's an awkward area because of the cafeteria expansion—like an oblong alleyway in the middle of a field. Maybe for a time, he felt out of view there, but nowadays, everyone knows where he sits.

It's at that spot that I expect to see him, but it's Tanya Denali on the bench as we pass. She's rearranging her stance as she waits for him. Of all the girls around, I think she might try the hardest. She's definitely the most persistent. "When will she get a clue?" I ask, out loud, but mostly to myself.

Rose smiles over at me. "Now that she has implants, she's a new person, so she gets to recycle all her past attempts."

"Should we go watch," Alice asks, "or should we join you in guarding Cullen from his fan club?" She stops when we reach her locker. She doesn't need anything from it, but she's so sure it's the answer to her lack-of-love life. Secret admirers put notes in lockers. She's been holding out hope for one for as long as I've known her. "I still can't believe you did that."

"We should leave him alone."

"Always so touchy," Alice says as she closes her note-less locker.

"Maybe McCarty has the cure for what ails you," Rosalie says with a giggle, but the well-known McCarty phrase makes me flinch internally.

"Emmett wouldn't let Rosalie have any cures because she's purr-fect," Alice says as she loops her arm back through Rosalie's. I walk in step with them—not touching.

A tinge of pink colors around the powder blush already on Rosalie's cheeks. "Nope, we're not talking about that. I have a boyfriend."

"You do?" Alice asks, looking around, the hoops in her ears swaying as she moves her head. "Where?" Alec started college in Seattle this year, and it's no secret that Alice doesn't like him.

"Anyway," Rosalie says. "Did we ever tell you that I tried with Cullen once?"

"You did?" I ask, not knowing this story and not sure I want to know it.

"I wouldn't call it that," Alice says, side-eying Rosalie.

We stop in a corner between a water fountain and a storage closet.

Rosalie rubs her red-stained lips together. "Why did you make me repeat the story a thousand times then?"

Alice's reply is directed at me. "It was before you moved here—back when cracking Cullen was just trying to get him to date one of us and not sleep with one of us like it is now."

"Yeah, that's true." Rosalie agrees. "I just said, 'Hi,' to him, and he said, 'Don't start with me, Rosalie.'"

"He said her name." Alice laughs. "It was so exciting at the time, but not nearly as exciting as being the girl to guard him all night. What do you think, Bella? Did you learn anything that could convince him that someone at this school could be worth his time? I bet girls would pay for that kind of information."

The way they talk about him without any regard to who could be listening makes me anxious. His private life is his own and even if for a time, I was part of that private life, I'm not going to let a spectacle be made at the fact that I didn't guard him from me. Cracking Cullen, I don't like the idea of my time with him being referred to as that. Edward Cullen is so much more than a game to be played.

I keep my voice low as I respond. "I learned that Emmett tries to help girls he's rejected not lose their self-esteem."

"He is sweet, isn't he?" Rosalie asks, her blush making another appearance.

"Not as sweet as you know who," Alice says because talking about Jasper is something we keep to ourselves. At least, the subject's changed.

I look up just in time to see Cullen's face as he walks by. He doesn't make eye contact, nothing about him seems to register that I'm here at all. I'm just another person he passes in the hall. There have been moments that I have wanted to confess to Alice what really happened with Cullen, but now I'm glad she doesn't know. There's no way she would have let him walk by without saying anything if she knew. I don't look back to check if he's heading to his usual spot. Word is, once he's "cracked," he'll give up telling everyone to go away. It's not a prediction anyone could make. He makes his own decisions, runs his own life. I don't think I _cracked him_ anyway. Just because he's shown no interest in girls at this school doesn't mean he's never been interested in anyone. My experience with him felt like he indeed did have prior experience.

.

.

I didn't have to witness what happened between Cullen and Tanya this morning because she sits with her friend two rows in front of me in English, and I'm just close enough to hear them.

"So?" Zafrina asks as she leans toward Tanya. Their hair contrasts with Zafrina's dark black and Tanya's the lightest blonde, but the length and iron-press is the exact same perfection. "You were over there awhile. What'd he say?"

I tune out everything else in the room. I've heard so many talk about him like this before, but now my interest is vested, and I've lost all self-preservation that would have me forgetting about him and moving on.

Tanya smacks her lips together. "He didn't tell me to leave, but I think I got friend zoned."

"Puh-leaze. How can you get friend zoned when you're working with those?" Zafrina nods toward Tanya's chest, and I have to admit, she looked great before, but her implants suit her physique just as well as her previous form. She is confident and proud of her decision and so pleased with her results.

"Um … he asked if there were any complications and about the recovery. I feel like if he did let me show him, he'd be analyzing my scars and trying to understand the procedure."

Zafrina waves her off. "Or maybe he just cares. Uh." She holds a hand over her heart. "He's so funny when we can actually get him to talk."

"Yeah," Tanya says with a forced giggle. "Really funny."

Zafrina holds up one finger. "New theory: Cullen's a total softy, and we may need to take more of an emotional approach than a physical one."

"Good idea," Tanya says, as she opens up her compact and looks at herself.

Zafrina tilts Tanya's wrist and checks her own reflection. "One day, he's going to crack and give someone a chance and that someone is going to be one of us."

I'm mentally yelling, "It's not." I want to ruin this game they play, tell them that he didn't tell me to go away and the time they seek out is time he gave me, but I keep it to myself because my chance with him didn't have a happy ending. If I told them, they wouldn't believe me anyway. I should have left marks on his skin in places his hoody can't cover. He may not want anything to do with me now, but he would have let me that night or that morning. He would have let me and their game would be over. If I had, they'd be trying to figure out who he let get close to him instead of scheming to be the one who does.

Zafrina's always manipulating her view to fit her desires, and her friends go along with the delusion. Siobhan, whose red hair is styled in ringlet curls, joins them, proving that they aren't as matchy-matchy as I tend to see them. They start talking about their dates from the weekend. The trio wasn't at the party. All three plan to see the guys they were with again.

I smile, and it's messed up because his dismissal hurts. These girls want Cullen, but they don't know what I know with all their perfect hair, popularity, and hot dates. If they'd ever had a chance with Cullen, they wouldn't be so excited about their dates.

.

.

There's a tap at my bedroom door, and I turn my phone screen off and drop it as if I've been caught. I was just about to check Cullen's Facebook page for the hundredth time. Each time I think I'll muster up the courage to send him a friend request. I freeze before trying again, realizing his opinion of me may not be so great. What if he accepts? What if he doesn't?

The tap comes again, louder this time.

"Coming." I open the door for my dad. He's leaning with both hands against the door frame, dressed in uniform with lines on his cheek from falling asleep on the couch. "Hey, kiddo. Guess I have to go in. Damn flu got another one of my guys. You gonna be okay alone?"

I shake my head at his worry. "That's why you got that topnotch surveillance system to keep me safe, right?"

He snorts. "You watch it. We've got beds at the station. You can sleep there while I work."

Blanching at the thought of sleeping in a jail cell, I say, "I'll be fine."

He gives me a double nod. "You still have that mace I gave you."

"Yep, so you should probably text me if you're coming home before I wake up."

This time, he's the one blanching. "Will do." He reaches forward and ruffles my hair in the way he took to doing after my stiffened response to his hugs. It's a gesture that's meant to show love, but it serves to remind me of my affection shortfalls. Had I grown up with him instead of him flying to Phoenix for the occasional holiday, maybe I wouldn't be so odd. I don't regret leaving my mom whose new career calls for constant traveling. I regret not moving in with my dad sooner.

When he's gone, I make sure all the doors are locked and take a few cookies up to my bedroom. My dad has his schedule worked out so that I'm not often home alone. It's been another adjustment. My mom started leaving me alone when I was ten, but with my dad's insistence of being around, being here by myself is uncomfortable. I'm different. Things have changed over this last year and a half in Forks. Maybe my dad could hug me now if he wanted, or even Alice. Someday I could possibly have a boyfriend I wanted to be close with. It may be nice to be close with Rosalie too.

I open Cullen's Facebook page, and my phone slips right out of my hands and back onto the bed. I let out this squeal that sounds a lot like the ones Alice makes every time she has new information to relay about Jasper Whitlock. Cullen's cover photo has changed. It's now a drawing of a flower nearly identical to my necklace with an eye adorning the center.

I cover my face with both hands, muffling the sound as it leaves my mouth again. These are the exact moments Alice would have to tell somebody. It's pretty late on a school night, and my story isn't simple. I can't just call her and spill. It's my own fault that I kept this to myself. It dampens my mood but doesn't put it out. He's thought about me. I wish he would just call, but as far as I know, he doesn't have my number. He could get it easily, and I bet I could find someone to give me his, but instead, I open up a Facebook message and send mine to him.

For five minutes, I stare at my phone, wondering if I should have said something, wondering what I could have said, and wondering if he'll even get the message.

My ringtone startles me. My hands shake as I read the unknown number on the screen. Okay. He called. Probably, right? Who else could it be? I can do this. I need to talk to him. I need to know what happened this weekend. I need to know if that picture means anything. I need … a lot of things. After accepting the call, the quietest silence washes over me as I bring the phone up to my ear and say, "Hello."

"Am I being summoned?" Cullen asks.

It takes me a moment to respond despite the ease in which he speaks. It's hard to ask the things I want to when he says such things. "Yes."

Cullen chuckles, and it's hard to breathe because I know what those laughs feel like up close. "Where are you?"

I focus on straightening out my wrinkled pillowcase. "Home. My dad had to work. He just left."

"So, you summoned _me_?" he asks.

"Well, yeah," I say, hearing the smile in my own voice. "If it's working, that is. Otherwise, I just wanted to say hi. So, hi."

"Hi," he says and is silent for a few beats. "I can be there in like twenty minutes. Is that cool?"

"Yeah. Sure. Whenever." I squeeze my lips together to keep myself from saying anything else.

"Cool. Bye, Bella."

"Bye." I drop my phone and scream into my pillow.

Before I get up, I save his number and stare at his name in my contacts and then again where it shows up in my call log.

I'm in a flurry straightening up my room and my appearance when I realize the most important thing I need to do is brush my teeth. Kissing Cullen tonight might actually be a thing.

I check the time every few minutes as I keep a mental countdown from twenty minutes. There are still three minutes left when my phone rings.

"Hey," I say a little too eager.

"So, I don't know how to do this," he says.

My excitement crashes. "Oh, okay. Don't worry about it. I didn't think you'd actually come, so just, have a good night."

"Okay?" he says, sort of asking. "Do you want me to leave or is there a way in? There's a camera by the front door."

"Oh, that." My relief doesn't wash—it burns to ashes from new flares of excitement. "Can you keep a secret?"

"I'm pretty sure I can." His voice sounds the same as it did the first time he called, but it feels so much different knowing he's outside my house.

"It's not real, or maybe it was real at some point. My dad cut the wires off it and shoved it up there. It's just a decoy."

Cullen chuckles, and I can't wait for him to come to the door. I just can't, so I open it and step over the threshold.

He's wearing his hoody with the hood up, but he pulls it down as he approaches. We're both still holding our phones against our ears. He eyes the camera, looking skeptical.

I say, "Bye," into the phone.

We both hang up, and I grab his hand, pulling him two feet forward into the house and closing the door behind him. "Hi."

"Hi," he says, smiling and sliding his phone in his pocket. "So, you summoned?"

I don't know what to say, or what to do with him now that he's standing here in my entryway. My fingers twitch, wanting to touch his hair because I know just how soft it is. "Yeah, I can't believe that worked."

"Me, either," he says, smile fading, eyes growing distant. "Why am I here?"

"Hey," I say because he looks sad and out of place, and I don't know why. My hand finds the cords on his hoody and runs down the strings. "I want you here."

He watches my hand as I whirl my finger around the cords, letting myself get tangled up physically while I already feel tangled up on the inside.

"So you can just guard me from here?" he asks, full of sarcasm and annoyance.

I try to let my hand fall, but it's caught, and I have to unwind it. "Maybe that's how it started, but that's not how it ended. You know that, right?"

"Do I?" he asks.

My hand's free, but this look he has isn't something I want to have caused. It's like me when he dropped me off, and I don't want him to feel like that at all. My fingers find his perfect skin on his perfect face. "I hope you know that. Where did this come from? Because I said that to Emmett?"

"No." He covers my hand with his, but then moves it off of him. "But it all adds up, right? With you talking about your ex and _just guarding_ me." He shakes his head. "I deal with shady girls every day with their games, the guys they actually like, and the ex-boyfriends they're still hung up on." He scoffs. "I don't even know why I'm here, but I'm here. So, whatever game you've got for me, go ahead and play it because apparently, I like you enough to let you."

My eyes narrow as I recall my phone call with Alice, but he didn't hear the other end of the call. He didn't hear what was going on inside my head and why I lied to her at the time. "I have an annoying ex-boyfriend that won't go away, but it's over. This," I take his hand in mine, "isn't a game. I like you, and I've never even had a crush before, so I don't know how to do this, but it's not a game." I take his other hand too and squeeze them both. "I told Alice I was just guarding you because you were right there. I wasn't trying to confess feelings when I didn't know what you wanted to happen. And then, that cracking thing ... I don't want you or anyone else to think I wanted anything to do with that because this is not a game to me."

He cracks a nervous smile.

I take a step toward him, pressing my forehead against his shoulder. "You don't believe me, do you?"

"I don't know. I might. I want to." His arms wrap around my waist.

My arms go around his neck, and it's a tight all over press that feels like two halves becoming whole.

When our hold loosens, he asks, "What comes next, Bella?"

It's hard to wrap my mind around the difference between this moment and the way I've felt the last couple of days. It's even harder to wrap my mind around my part in it. I don't know what the future will bring, but what I do know is that I like him here in my house. I like him here with me.

"I just know that I like you, and, Edward," I say, voicing his first name out loud for the very first time. "I don't have an alternate agenda."

His answering smile is genuine. "Okay."

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 **A/N: Thanks again to dazzled eyes22 for both your beta and prereader work. Sri ffn and YourVixen, thanks again to you both for pre-reading. They both entered the contest as well. Check out Sri's story Tell Me Your Secrets and YourVixen's Long Island Liar if you haven't already. They are both great stories.**

 **I'd love to post teasers for Cracking Cullen. Are there any places around to do that currently? I'm not ready to post one yet, but when I am, I'll post on Facebook along with any updates on when more chapters will post. Find me at Mylissa Denicks. If you don't do fandom Facebook, or if you don't think you'll see it but want a teaser, let me know, and I'll message you directly.**

 **Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think.**

 **~Melissa**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

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"So, this is my house," I say pointing to the fishing equipment displayed on the wall and the bench that hosts my dad's array of boots beneath it. A single pair of my Converse are wedged into the corner.

Edward Cullen might look amazing in my entryway, but he's not a decoration. He's here. I gave him my number, and he came. Best of all, he doesn't seem to be leaving.

"I guess this is the fishing room," I say.

It's boring, but he looks at my dad's displays as if they aren't.

"Do you fish?" I ask.

He gives me a look as if he can't believe I'd ask that question. "A … no."

"Me, either." I take a few steps back and point my thumb over my shoulder to the living room. "Well, this would probably be considered the baseball room."

He looks around the room at the blanket on the back of the couch, to the magazines that litter the coffee table, and the framed autographed photos on the walls. "Wow. Yeah, I can see that." He goes straight for the entertainment center and looks at the Mariners' memorabilia my dad has encased there. They are things that I've never taken the time to look at. I could join him in looking at them now, but I miss my chance as my eyes get stuck on his shoes. If they're new, I wouldn't know that. I've never paid any attention to his shoes. There are so many things I should be paying attention to. I want to absorb even the most minuscule of details. For now, I'll start with the shoes. They remind me of Jasper's new ones, not in colors but in style.

"Do you skate?" I ask.

He looks away from my dad's bobblehead collection and looks at me as if I've asked another bizarre question. "No … I mean I can. I have a board, but it's not really my thing."

"Oh," is all I say. I could explain myself, but of course, all sorts of people wear that style of shoes. I don't, but Alice and Rosalie sometimes do. I wonder if he likes baseball, but I've reached my quota for off-the-wall questions for the day.

"The kitchen's this way," I say before I turn around and leave the room. When I hear his footsteps behind me, I have to stop myself from prancing.

"Water?" I ask to which he just shrugs.

I guess I'll take that as a yes. It wasn't a no. The suction of the fridge breaks the silence. I grab us each a water bottle. He nods his thanks as he takes the one I offer. I can understand why girls get hung up on his every word. He has this cool, silent way about him. In the moments he's not speaking, I'm craving more of any words he'll give me. When he's gone, I'll think about everything he's said, but I don't want to think about that now. He's here, and I don't want to waste any time thinking about how it will be when he's not.

Everything feels frozen in time, as if I could drop my water bottle and it would be stuck midair. I want to say all the right things. I want to kiss him with my mouth open. I really want to touch his hair. "I guess this is a fish room too," I say, realizing that the floor mats and hand towels are all gray, but the refrigerator is covered in fish magnets and fishing rules and regulations. There used to be seashells and sand dollars on the window sill, but they are tainted now, so I had to put them away with all the other things that had to do with Jake.

Cullen laughs and checks out the information my dad has displayed. Maybe he's learning something, but I wish there was something down here more interesting. At least no one that comes to my house has to worry about accidentally breaking something.

He opens the water and takes a drink. I watch the action, jealous of a water bottle—his grip on the lid as he twists and the way his lips wrap around the top. I'm losing it. He knows I like him now, but these feelings still feel like I'm holding them all in as I try to keep myself in check.

Yeah, he knows I like him, but I don't think he needs to know that I may be borderline obsessed with him. It might be obvious though as I can't stop staring at him.

He looks around like he's taking everything in, but his eyes come back to me. "When you sent me your number—" He takes another drink. "Was it the pheromones?" he asks, and at my confused expression adds, "I passed you in the hall. I don't think you noticed, though."

I can still feel the remnants of that stab. My heel lifts. My toe tries to dig a hole in the floor. "You saw me? It didn't seem like you did."

"You were with your friends." He pulls on the strings of his hoody. "Next time, I could say, hi, or something."

That would be almost as surreal as him being in my kitchen right now. "You could do that. I mean if you want to … Yeah, do that."

"Okay." He looks over his shoulder, takes a step back, and then looks toward the door.

"My dad's not coming home anytime soon. Are you expecting someone else?"

He tugs on his zipper. "He patrols though, right? He could drop by."

"You're right. Let me hide you."

He follows me up to my room. I feel his presence with every single step. I feel swollen all over and my insides are bursting. I'm pretty sure I've gone from zero to seventy-million on the scale of girly-feelings since the moment I found Edward Cullen in that man cave.

In my room, I close the door and turn the lock. "There. He won't barge in if he gets back early. Did you walk here?" I ask.

"Sort of. I parked at Emmett's," he says, eyeing the door and the window as if we're still going to get caught.

"I have blackout curtains," I say, but I turn on the dim lamp beside my bed and turn off the overhead light anyway. My room is positioned in a way that it captures the morning sun. Blackout curtains are necessary.

Emmett lives down the street and around the corner. It's not that far but walking in the dark to the Chief of Police's house may have been an intense walk. The chance that my dad will show up is so slim that I'm not worried, but maybe Edward's feeling like he's taking a huge risk. I should have checked his pulse when he got here. I wonder if his heart is racing even now. I know mine is.

He touches a metal sheet on my wall. It's one of the few things I brought with me from Phoenix. The blue metal looks like waves. "You like shiny things and glitter?" he asks with his eyes on my sequin pillow.

"Metallic." It's not as simple as glitter. "It's silly. I love silver, but metallic is like silver in color. When people say things could be worse, it's like they could also be better," I say, looking at the nude polish on my toes. "Sorry, it's a little kid theory that stuck."

"No, it's cool. I like it." He picks up a framed picture of Alice and I that she covered in glitter as a gift for my eighteenth birthday a few weeks ago. Her love of glitter is as simple as it being sparkly, but it's a love we share.

There's so much I want to say to him, but now that he's here, all I can think about are the things I want to do. I want him to be holding my hand as he peruses my room. When he unzips his hoody, I want it to be my fingers instead of his, pulling the zipper down. The hoody gets folded in half and laid across the back of my desk chair. He loses his shoes too.

He's wearing a white tank top and basketball shorts. I like this casual look on him, and it makes me wonder if he was going to bed when I _summoned_ him. There's a freckle on his right shoulder, two on his left, and four that almost make a diamond shape on the back of his neck. I'm left wondering if he has any more. I stop myself from looking down his arms to check as my memorizing him starts to feel silly. I'm about to internally make fun of myself when I spot another freckle above his elbow. It's an incredible spot to have one. What does that even mean? I close my eyes and try to reset my brain. Freckles are not what I'm making them out to be, but rationality seems to have left me because even as I push myself to stop it, I still think his freckles are something worth admiring.

He messes around with stuff on my desk: embellished pens too distracting to use at school and a spiral-stack of neon post-it notes. He's touching so many of my things, and I want him to be touching me. He's here, and it hasn't been long since we hugged downstairs, but the time between leaving Mike's and him coming over tonight felt like the distance of strangers. I don't want to scare him off again, but I don't want to go back to being strangers, either.

I step toward him until my forehead is at the base of his neck and my nose is pressed between his shoulder blades. "Pheromones." I offer as an excuse for my behavior. From here, he smells like clean laundry. It's almost as alluring as the smell of his skin, and I'm not even drinking.

We're like statues for several moments. I can feel the rise and fall of his breathing and feel my own bounce back at me off his shirt. He steps to the side and turns around, but I don't move at all.

"Come here," he says with his hands on my waist, as he pulls me closer.

I look up at the same time he descends. Anticipation is amplified in mere seconds. We kiss with mouths opening after the first peck. My hands clinging to his upper arms and his squeezing my hips are the only reason I'm still standing upright. He chuckles right after our tongues connect.

"Toothpaste?" I ask at this humor. I can smell and taste intertwining variants of mint.

"Yeah." He kisses me again, but his lips stay curled up into a smile that I can't help but mirror.

When he kisses me again, I'm the one laughing at us both brushing our teeth before he came over here. My nerves dissipate as my laughter subsides and our mouths connect again. There's no hesitancy or bashful nerves as kissing has us moving toward my bed. I don't feel pressured by what his expectations might be or what I hope that they are. There's no urgency in these kisses, no pull of clothes, or grind of bodies. All that I can focus on is the soft feel of his hair in my hands and his tongue's caress against mine.

As we find ourselves horizontal on my bed, I feel the edges of my sequin pillow scratching against my ear, so I throw it to the floor. He pushes my top up just enough to expose skin, and he splays his fingers over my abdomen. I mentally urge his hand to go higher as I find his mouth with mine again. I know what it's like to only be able to kiss him with my mouth closed, and now that I don't have to hold back on kissing, I can't get enough of it. I can't get enough of any of him really, knowing what it's like to be with him and then have him seem to want nothing to do with me. My hands move from his hair to the skin on the back of his neck. How will I ever be okay with the moment we stop, or with the moment he leaves? Does he ever have to leave?

His phone dings in his pocket. He ignores it. If it was my phone, I'd be ignoring it too.

When it dings again several times in succession, I pull away. "Maybe it's important."

"Probably isn't." He kisses me one more time and pulls out his phone. His forehead wrinkles.

"Something wrong?" I ask, leaving a kiss on his jaw meant to soothe him, but then I back away because kisses don't soothe people.

"The red-haired one says she got in a fight with the blonde one." He glares at his phone. "Why is she telling me this?"

He doesn't have to elaborate for me to know who he's talking about. There's probably a girl code that I'm betraying, but I'm not friends with those girls. "New tactic: play on your emotions instead of your libido."

"That's fucked up," he says and punches a reply in. "How'd you know that?" he asks and tosses his phone on the floor where it lands with a muted thump as the carpet cushions its fall.

I look at the ceiling as I answer. "Eavesdropping after I saw Tanya waiting for you before school. What did you say to Siobhan?"

"That I'll have my dad put them in touch with a therapist." He places his hand on my waist, and it should be a thing that he's always touching me in some way. "Why were you eavesdropping?" he asks, with a smile, like he's fishing for me to make more admissions.

My eyes veer down to his chest, but I force them to look at his face. Whatever this elated feeling is, it's stronger than any alcohol found in Emmett's drink mixes. "I've become pretty in tune with anything pertaining to you."

"And why is that?" He pinches my side and the touch makes me squirm.

He's given me a whirlwind of feelings the last few days. I touch his hair, pushing it off his forehead because him letting me is the only assurance I need to make the declaration he's trying for. "Probably because I have this huge crush on you."

He leans forward like he's going to kiss me, but stops and backs up. "Wait! Do you like me, or do you have a crush on me?"

It takes me a moment to understand the question with the kissing that was about to be but didn't happen. "Is there a difference?"

He nods. "Lots of girls have crushes on me, but they don't actually like me. I mean… none of them actually like me. It's a pretty big difference."

"Both then," I say, knowing I've been crushing on him in the same way that so many others do, but my feelings are invested and the more I know about him, the more I like him.

He smiles big. "That's good because I've had a crush—" He stops talking when his phone interrupts in a seemingly-endless string of texts.

Now, I'm the one glaring at his phone. "How is she texting that much that fast?" I ask.

He fists his hair and sighs. "The blonde one and their ringleader have probably joined in by now."

"Tanya and Zafrina?"

"If that's what you want to call them." He lets go of his hair and brings his hand to my chin, lifting it a few inches. "They can fret over it. They deserve it. Where were we?"

He's leaning forward to kiss me, and I want that, but I'm the one stopping this time because that's not where we were. "You've had a crush?"

One corner of his mouth curves up. "For a while," he says, sealing the declaration with several long kisses.

Not even the soundtrack of three other girls trying to talk to him can diminish this moment. Even as he's kissing me, I want to ask him to elaborate on this crush: how long he's had it, and to clarify with absolute certainty that his crush is on me.

His tongue on mine though is not a feeling I can give up with questioning and overanalyzing, so I let myself get lost in it, ignoring his phone as I feel the way his body fits against mine just so.

When his phone starts ringing, he stops kissing me and groans. He leans over me to grab the phone off the floor, but his weight presses on me in a way that reminds me of a similar position with no clothes.

At the squeak that leaves my mouth, he gives me a smile and a look that clearly says he knows exactly what I'm thinking about. He misses the call and sets the phone down on the bed, but as soon as he does, it starts ringing again.

I get a glimpse of the screen before he answers the call. "The Blonde One," it says.

"What?" he asks with a heavy exhale. I can hear her chatter, but I can't make out the words. "There's nothing wrong with therapy. If you need help, I can help you get it. I don't know what else you want from me."

She's yelling at him now. I can hear every few words, and she's loud enough that he's pulled the phone away from his ear.

As he laughs at her frustration, I wonder what I'm saved in his phone as or if he's saved my number at all. I'm not jealous of his phone call, but it'd be nice if she'd stop talking and let him go. Mike offers to spend time with me often, but even though his advances come across as suggestive, he's not flat-out perverse or manipulative. It's easy to brush off and walk away from. What Edward deals with is different. The night of the party, he talked about playing games and not wanting me to hold back if I wasn't playing one. Maybe, in the end, everything I wanted to explore came across as a game. I used Irina's offer, and even though I didn't offer a threesome, I made the same kind of suggestions they made. The way I want him though isn't just to see if I can have him. It's an overwhelming desire, and if there's another fallout after tonight, I know how bad it can hurt.

"Tell your friends to leave me alone, and I won't say anything to him." His eyes roll back as he listens to her. "Tanya, I didn't. I'm not even home." He listens to her another moment and then he hangs up without saying goodbye.

"Sorry, they never stop." He lays back on my bed and powers his phone off. "I should have just turned it off when I got here."

"It's fine. Maybe they'll leave you alone now," I say, realizing his head is resting on the same pillow I shed so many tears on.

"They'll have a new scheme by tomorrow," he says, closing his eyes.

I move my hand up and down his arm in the way he did to mine when we were at Mike's. "I could always guard you."

He opens one eye a sliver. "How's that?"

If he was with me, maybe they would leave him alone, but I wouldn't want to live under a guise that I really want to be a reality. "I don't really know."

He pulls his lips into his mouth and rubs them together. "Okay."

I stop with the arm rubbing. "I mean … if there was something I could do to help, I would, but it might feel like a game, and I wouldn't want to do that with you. It's just … Edward?" I ask, liking the sound of his first name and that he hasn't asked me to not use it. I've never heard anyone call him that. It's always Cullen and the rare Edward Cullen.

His eyes open. He looks at me to continue, but there are no words. There's nothing that tells me to keep going, just a nonverbal cue of eye contact that says he's listening, but I suck at these things. He needs to know that before I spill everything and come across as psychotic or something.

"I'm not good at this, so try not to judge me too harshly, if I say something odd."

He turns onto his side, propping up on his elbow as he gives me his full attention. "You're not good at what?"

"This," I say, pointing between the two of us. I'm proving just how bad I am at this as I've got him ready to hear what I have to say but having him so close to me has me wanting to skip the talking and go back to the kissing. "I'm not good at talking, so if you thought I was playing a game at Mike's party even before Alice called, I wasn't. The only thing I was trying to do was loosen myself up … and then you were there. I apparently don't understand that realizing you have a crush on someone doesn't mean you should start propositioning them."

I stop when I realize he's smiling. "What are you supposed to do when you have a crush on someone?"

This would be a really weird moment to go back to kissing, but I still want to do that. He's really good at it, and I'm probably not, but even that doesn't stifle my desire. The only experience I've had with crushes is Alice's adventures in getting Jasper's attention. "Put secret notes in their locker, try to figure out a way to talk to them, or even just try to walk so that your arms brush in the halls."

He chuckles, and I feel a gush of warm breath. I want to live in it. I'm crazy … like really.

"That's sweet," he says. "I'm not opposed to any of that, but I'm not against you _propositioning me_ , either."

"Oh," I manage to say as my face heats up and my temperature rises all over as I recognize the point where we can take this further and just how much I want to. "That's good because I've been refraining."

"Don't refrain. If you want something, just tell me," he says while moving his mouth to my neck.

I don't know what he wants me to tell him. I don't know if I can find the words to say those kinds of things. When his lips press against my skin, I expect to feel one of those magic spots igniting, but he blows a raspberry instead.

I push him off of me, laughing as I pull on his shirt, and say, "Take this off."

"Okay." He does as I ask, removing his top and throwing it past me onto the floor with a grin. "Now, what do you want?"

"No way. Your turn. What do you want?" There are a few freckles on his chest. I let my fingertips meet them.

"You take this off," he says as he pushes my shirt up my torso.

"Copycat." I take it off, forgetting to be shy with the light until my shirt joins his on the floor. I was dressed for bed, so there was nothing beneath the shirt. I want to cover myself with my arms, but he's not blatantly staring. His eyes veer down, and he bites his lip. Being the cause of that lip bite makes me care less about the exposure. Instead, I'm relishing in the fact that I made him bite his lip like that.

"Copycat?" he asks with a scoff and tickles my sides. "I get a redo then. Take these off." He snaps the waistband on my pajama pants.

I do as he asks, feeling the cool air meet so much of my bare skin and his eyes taking me in. The boy shorts I'm left in aren't the sexiest undergarments I own. I didn't think to change into something else, but the way he's looking at me has me glad that I didn't.

"What do you want, Bella?"

My eyes flick down to his shorts. _Say it, Bella. Say it._ "Take it off." My voice comes out low and airy in a nervous way that may have come out sounding like I'm trying to sound sexy.

He pulls them down, as he looks me in the eyes and says, "Copycat."

"Not." I poke his side. "I meant all of it." I don't know who this girl is with this commanding yet playful tone. Whoever she is, I've never met her, but for right now, I hope she sticks around.

"Is that right?" He pulls his wallet out of the pocket of his shorts and gets a condom, which he reaches over me to place on the nightstand. "Just in case," he says.

"Okay, good." I watch him remove the last of his clothes and put them on the floor. "I was hoping we were going to get out of our clothes and then read, or something."

"I know, right?" He licks his lips. "Reading sounds good, like naked bedtime stories. Where do you keep your books?"

I feel silly and light despite being almost-naked. "There's a shelf on the bottom of my nightstand."

He leans over me to retrieve one, but he's already hard and poking against my leg, so I say, "Do you always get this excited about reading?"

I can't believe I said it. He looks at me as if he can't believe it, either. Maybe it was too much, but he falls against me laughing and stops trying to get a book. When his laughter subsides, he says, "It's just naked reading with you that I like."

I'm not confident in general, but the other night, I was. I want to be that. I don't know how much of that I can emulate without alcohol, but I can try. As he lies beside me, my hand moves to his chest. I swallow down the feelings that have me wanting to let him lead and start moving my hand lower. He's staring at me with his mouth parted. I move my hand down to his stomach, causing his mouth to open further as I grow bolder. I move my hand down until I'm gripping his length and making him gasp at the contact. "Naked reading with you makes me excited too."

His breathing is labored as I find a rhythm with my hand. "But you're not … you're not … you're not naked."

Now I'm the one sinking my teeth into my lip. "I wasn't told to take off the rest."

He can hardly talk while I'm doing this, but I don't give him a reprieve. I just keep moving my hand. He's not complaining. "So, you … you always do what you're told?"

"Find out," I say, adding a firmer squeeze.

He gasps. "Or," he swallows," I can just take it off for you."

"You can," I say, feeling high off the reactions from him I'm eliciting. My movements falter for a moment, but when I realize this, I pick up speed.

"Okay, you're going to have to stop that." He arches his hips back. I don't have time to question it because as soon as my hand loses contact, his are going for the only piece of clothing left on me. He pushes it down my thighs from one side and then the other. I shimmy my legs to help him. Once the fabric is only on my left leg, I let it fall off the side of the bed. Our lack of clothing is now equal and the thought of what comes next has my pulse thumping in my veins.

"So, what do you want to read?" he asks, but his hand is dangerously high on my inner thigh.

My hand fumbles for the condom on the nightstand. "I want to read into this situation and get this." I open the wrapper and hand the latex to him.

He puts it on, and I put the wrapper on the nightstand. This time, I don't give the wrapper a second thought.

When he leans forward to kiss me, I meet him halfway. The pull I feel toward him is strong, and it keeps getting stronger. I tilt my body toward him, lifting my leg so it goes over his hip. I roll back at the same time he rolls over top of me, all the while our tongues and lips are already connecting.

I'm having sex with Edward Cullen… again. My hands are moving all over his back as if I need to touch every inch of him that I can reach. I'm sure as my fingers move over his shoulders and neck, that even though I can't see what I'm touching, I'm sure I've touched all of his freckles with how thorough I'm being.

I don't have to wonder if his heart is racing as I can feel the quickened beats against my own. His lips and tongue are soft yet in control and heighten everything as they connect with mine. Last time, we did this with only closed-mouth kissing, but I don't care if I have to carry a toothbrush with me. I'm not letting myself miss this again. Oh, I really hope there's an again.

He lifts up some, and I can't feel his heartbeat anymore, but I know it's going just as fast as my own.

A different angle and new feelings have me sputtering my breath and pushing words and sounds out even though I wasn't trying to speak. "Mhmm … Edward … uh."

Somewhere in the last few moments, I've lost his lips. I try to get them back on mine. He lets me, but as intent as I am to kiss him, his movements have quickened, and his lips don't seem to have any control left in them.

He slows down and mutters unintelligible words under his breath. As he stills, I wrap my arms around him, hugging him close. All those needy feelings I try not to show come out because I'm scared that soon he's going to go.

He doesn't pull away. He presses a kiss under my ear. I'm pretty sure I could spend the rest of the night like this, but when he starts to pull away, I let go of the needy demand that wants to hold tighter and make him stay.

"Do you have a trash can or something?" he asks. I point it out, and he grabs the wrapper off the nightstand before he walks to the bin beside my desk.

While his back is turned, I slip under the blankets. He grabs his boxers off the floor, and I close my eyes, steeling myself for the inevitable goodbye.

"Going to sleep?" he asks.

"No," I say in a whisper, keeping my eyes closed. "Pretending you're not leaving."

"When does your dad get home?"

I peek at him standing there. He's only in boxers and not reaching for the rest of his clothes. "Like six."

He lifts the corner of my blankets. "I can stay for an hour or so. Just don't let me fall asleep."

There are no words as we fill the time with eye-contact, caresses, and occasional kisses. I could stay like this all night, but a traitorous yawn leaves my mouth, and he says, "I should probably go."

I nod, but I wish I could rewind the night. We get dressed in silence before I walk him to the door. In my entryway, we hug the way we did after he arrived.

"Goodnight," he says as he pulls his hoody over his head.

I tilt up and kiss him because I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I'm taking every kiss, hug, and moment with him that I can get. "Let me know when you make it home?"

"Okay," he says, kissing me one more time before he makes his way out to the dark street.

I watch until I can't see him anymore, and I don't go to sleep until I get a good-morning-night text from him, and I respond with the same.

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 **A/N:** Hi! Thanks for those that are still with me. Sorry for the delay in the continuation. I've been working on it a lot and wanted to get enough written and edited to start weekly updates, and some of these chapters have ran a bit long. I'll be posting teasers on Facebook on Mondays-Mylissa Denicks. And then chapters will post on Wednesdays.

Thanks so much to sri ffn and YourVixen for all their pre-reading help and to dazzled eyes22 for her beta work.

I'd love to know your thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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My alarm blares way too early. It's feels like I've just barely closed my eyes, and now, I'm forcing them open. How can I function on so little sleep? Waking up right now isn't even plausible. I stifle a yawn as the alarm grows louder. As I reach over and turn it off, the next yawn comes out full force. I want to sleep the day away and try again tomorrow. My blackout curtains are a miracle, but even though they do as designed, there is still light that seeps in around their edges. Now that I know it's morning, my closed eyelids are letting in more light than is really there.

I open my eyes and I am met with two water bottles sitting on my bedside table. It's like a shot of adrenaline being jabbed straight into my neck. Edward Cullen was at my house last night.

He may not still be here, but the proof of him is. Drinking his water crosses my mind. I know which one is his. I didn't open mine. There are girls at school that act like he's a celebrity. I bet they'd drink it and put their mouths in the same place his has been. Even though I have the thought of doing just that, I don't need to. There are places on me his mouth has been. I remember how his lips feel, how more of him feels, and how all of him feels.

Traces of him linger on my body, but I have to shower and wash off our night together, so I can get ready for school. If I was one of those other girls with their crushes on him, I imagine they would never wash him off, but I'm not them, so I will.

Once I'm done showering and my towel is secured under my arms, there's no more of Edward Cullen lingering on my skin, but it's okay because those memories remain and so does the water bottle. I figure the water bottle can stay in my room for another day.

"Hi," I say to myself in the foggy mirror. "Hi," I say again a little quieter, playing shy. If he says hi to me at school, I'll more likely feel shy. It's a simple word, but it's what he'd offered last night and the only thing I can expect, even though I may hope for more, so much more. I kind of want to text him. I think he'd answer, but I don't want to come on too strong. I've seen how that works out for the girls that do. What I really want is for him to text me, but so far, he hasn't sent anything since we said goodnight.

If I can come up with something cute to say, maybe I will text him. I tap the counter, finding a steady beat with my fingernails as I try to think of something. Good morning isn't enough, and I can't think of anything else. Giving up, I head to my bedroom.

There are so many places in my house that I can point to and say, "He stood right here." If Alice were in my position, but with Jasper of course, I bet she'd be putting her mouth on that water bottle. Maybe I should … No, I won't do that.

My wet hair spills water over my shoulders as I step into my closet. I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't have many things that need hanging up. A dress would be too much, but it's along the lines of what I'm going for. I guess I just want to feel pretty. I always try to look presentable, but today calls for something more, but not too much. No way do I want to appear overdone.

I settle on a flowy top and a pair of jeans that have trendy holes in strategic spots. The top is silky, and it slides as easily off as it does on. My face heats up at that train of thought, but it's not my fault. It's Edward Cullen's fault for being sexy enough to let some of it wear off on me. It's his fault, totally. Getting this shirt pulled off by him is a definite possibility. Maybe not today, but soon. Maybe today, though. That'd be really cool. I'm thinking more than cool really, but cool just the same.

He likes me, and he's amazing—both true things.

I bring my phone with me when I head back to the bathroom just in case he texts me. He has my number now, so the probability is so much higher than it has been for the past few days.

The mirror is clear now that the heat from my shower has escaped the room. I think my skin is glowing. "He likes me," I say to my reflection and watch my smile lift. I'm not sure I've ever seen a smile on my face look so genuine.

I didn't get much sleep, so I don't want to rely on an Edward-Cullen-induced glow alone, so I put more makeup on my eyes than I usually wear to school.

"Hi," I say with a flutter of my mascara-covered lashes. No, I won't be doing _that_ unless it's a situation that calls for a laugh, which it might, so I'll save that.

I don't have a fancy flat iron or even a curling iron, but I do have a blow dryer, so I try my best to blow dry my hair straight. As the whistling heat hits my hair, face, and neck, I keep an eye on my phone just in case there's an alert I can't hear over the blaring noise the dryer makes.

Once my hair is the best that I can get it, I look in the mirror and start practicing saying, "Hi," again, throwing in the occasional, "How are you?"

A loud knock on the door startles me. "Bella, what are you doing?"

I open the door in a panic, causing the hair dryer to topple to the floor. "Nothing," I say to my dad as I force a smile. "Just getting ready for school." He's wearing a worn-out t-shirt and flannel pajama pants. "Sorry, I forgot you'd be going to bed right now. Were you already asleep?"

"No. Was just about to lie down." He eyes the counter behind me. "Do you have a date or something, and who are you talking to?" His brows rise. "Are you making one of those videos you kids share with each other? If you're going to make them, maybe think about not doing that in the bathroom or your bedroom even. I really don't like that."

"I'm not making videos," I say. "I don't do that."

He laughs. "Then what are you doing?"

"Getting ready for school." I pick up the hair dryer and point it at him.

"What do you think that's going to do?"

I stifle a laugh. "If you stand there long enough, eventually it will burn you. Are you going to leave me alone? I need to get ready for school."

"Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't want to get burned." He eyes the mess of cosmetics behind me again with a smirk. The skin around his eyes crinkles up past his temples where his brown hair is turning gray. "I'm going to go scramble us up some eggs since I'm awake. They should be ready by the time you're done doing whatever this is that you're doing up here."

I lower the hair dryer. "Thanks. No cheese on mine this time."

He takes a stumbling step back as if I've just shoved him. "What the hell? No cheese? What has gotten into you today?"

I groan at him questioning me. "Cheese is greasy, and I don't want to be greasy."

"Okay, fine. Wouldn't want my kid to be greasy."

When he leaves, I check my phone for messages and then pull up Edward's Facebook. His cover and profile photo are still the same, but I examine them for a moment anyway. I hold my necklace next to my phone, seeing the two side-by-side. It's such a close resemblance that it makes me giddy, knowing when I showed him, he really took the time to look at it.

I try to calm down my giddiness when I join my dad at the table. I set down my phone next to my plate below a plastic cup filled with orange juice. "Thanks for making breakfast. Where's the butter?" I ask, looking at the dry toast on my plate that's cut in half diagonally.

"Too greasy," he says as he scoops cheesy eggs onto his buttered toast. "This is about a boy, isn't it? It took me a minute to figure it out, but I did. You got your phone right there too. You think he might call, don't you? You don't have to answer. I already know."

I cover my face with my toast.

"See, I knew it," he says before filling his mouth.

"Am I that obvious?" I ask, tearing the crust off my toast. Maybe I went too far or did too much. I just want to look nice.

He lifts his coffee mug, shakes his head at me with a grin, and takes a drink. "You should be all right. I'd lose the gunk on your lips, though. I bet you could see that shine a mile away."

"It's not gunk," I say, but grab a napkin out of the holder sitting in the center of the table and wipe it off anyway.

"What's his name?" he asks.

I wonder if I tell him, if he'll know who he is. If he does, will he know because this is a small town, or will he know because in Forks, Edward Cullen is that famous? I bet he is. "I'm not telling you that."

I cover my dry toast with the cheese-less eggs, hoping the two bland items give each other flavor. It doesn't work. I may have to rethink this idea of avoiding grease.

My dad watches me with a goofy smirk. "You could always call him, you know?"

I finish chewing, and say, "I can't. I messaged him last night. I need him to talk to me first this time."

My dad starts cracking up. I focus on my food and let him laugh.

"All right. All right." His chuckles slow down and then stop. "Enough about that. What do you say about coming with me to Billy's this weekend? You can bring a friend if you want."

My dad doesn't really know how involved Jake and I got. Since I never proclaimed to him that Jake and I were together, I never proclaimed to him when we no longer were. I just stopped going with him to La Push, and he made a few comments about Jake's absence around the house. I thought he'd figure it out, but the rate he asks me to go with him to La Push has me wondering just how clueless he is.

"I think we already have plans, and you know how Alice gets." I cover my lies by shoving a bite into my mouth. It may be true. Alice might ask me to do something, and if she does, she'll be persistent about it.

"Well, that's good too. She's a good friend. What do you think you might do? Do you need some money?"

I stand and clear the table. He's done eating and my taste buds are threatening to initiate my gag reflex if I attempt to take another bite. "Not sure. I still have money, though."

Mentally, I try to calculate just how much money I have left from the summer job I did with Alice working at the public pool's snack shack. I've been trying to make it last, but Alice's plans tend to involve money and at some point, I'm going to run out.

My dad sighs. "All right."

He loved taking me to La Push. That was clear the first time he drove me out there. It became this family thing that we shared. I've ruined more things than the friendship I shared with Jake. Besides meals, the only other time I spent with my dad was when we drove out to La Push together followed by a few moments where he gushed about me to his friends before Jake and I escaped. Unless I decide to take up poker, there's nothing for me to do even if I were to go to humor my father.

.

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My truck is old and musty, but it works. Well, it usually works. Luckily it hasn't broken down on me in a while, but these last few months, I've been relieved every time I've turned the key and it starts up. The first time I met Jacob Black, he was bringing me this truck that had belonged to his dad. Billy Black had been wheelchair bound for years, and the car he got to replace the truck was customized so he could drive it. The second time I met Jacob Black, it was the first time the truck died on me. I put the key in, close my eyes, and will my truck to work for me today. I know my dad will give me a ride if I need it, but if that happens, I dread the moment he'll want to call Jake to fix it.

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 _Charlie's patrol car was stifling. Being dropped off in it didn't bother me. It wasn't like the kids at school didn't know who my father was. They'd all made that clear every time they'd spoken to me in the month I'd been in Forks. What bothered me was the heavy weight of his silence. It wasn't quiet in a traditional sense. It demanded something that neither one of us seemed to know how to give it._

 _He pulled up to the curb like he had for the last week, dropping me off at school. Luckily, Alice's mom was driving me home. When Alice was around, I got to be quiet. She spoke enough for the both of us and required so little from me. I'd never known that was the kind of friend I needed until I met her. There had been no one like Alice in Phoenix. The way she'd taken me for a friend as if I didn't have a choice in the matter had ended up being perfect. She had a friend on one side and a free spot just waiting for me at the other. Forks would have been a harder place to live in if I didn't have her._

 _While sitting in the car and waiting for Charlie to say whatever it was he needed to impart to me that day, I watched as the other kids jump out of their parents' car as soon as the vehicle stopped. It seemed like a normal teenage thing to do, but I was too worried about being rude._

" _Mrs. Brandon still okay with giving you a ride home today?"_

" _Yes," I said and then waited … and waited as he looked at me with his lips stretched into a thin line. He had so much more to say that I could almost see the thought bubble emerging and filling with words. Charlie was trying to have a relationship with me, and though I appreciated his effort, I didn't know what to do with it._

" _Jake, Billy's kid … Do you remember the two that sold us the truck?"_

 _With a nod, I encouraged him to go on._

" _He's coming by after school to fix your truck. I won't be home, and he'll need the keys. So …"_

" _Got it," I said, as my hand found the door handle. I'd reached my limit on the conversation we were having. Rudeness was no longer a concern. My own thought bubble was about to burst as I tried to figure out a plan to deal with this Jake guy. My ability to talk to people was almost non-existent._

 _Charlie reached toward my shoulder, but stopped midair, pulling his hand back as if I might cower in the corner if he went any farther. I wouldn't. I could handle a shoulder squeeze. It was all the hugging people in Forks did that got to me. It must have been something in the water. People were always touching and hugging each other._

 _._

 _._

 _I sat in my truck bed waiting for my dad's personal mechanic to fix it. I didn't have the slightest clue what was wrong, but if Jake couldn't fix it, Alice and I would be getting rides from our parents or taking the bus until Alice got her own car the following month._

 _Somehow, I felt like I'd be stuck in the truck bed until he was done. Jake had lifted the hood, and started the kind of small talk I would have rather avoided: "How are you?" and "How do you like your new school?"_

 _I'd answered with one-word mutterings before pointing over my shoulder and saying, "I'll be over there if you need anything."_

 _What the hell was I thinking? Over there where? I had pointed to the street and the area around it was full of trees._

 _He smiled at me as if he didn't have a care in the world, but he had to be bottling it up somewhere._

 _Jake had a rough go in life, more so than I could ever imagine. His mother had passed away when he was young, and both his sisters had moved out recently, leaving him with a father who was having trouble accepting that he'd never walk again. And there he was smiling at me as if I'd just declared that he'd won a lifetime supply of all his favorite things._

 _I stole glimpses at him, trying to figure him out. He had way more reasons to be a brooding, melancholy teenager, yet as he worked, he kept that smile while my brows seemed as if they were etched into a permanent frown._

 _._

 _._

I turn the key in the ignition. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you," I say as the rumble vibrates my body and slows to a steady purr. Never, ever, ever will I take for granted having this truck work.

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The halls fill more and more the closer we get to the school day starting. I don't know when Edward gets to school, but maybe I'll learn soon.

We've walked the halls up and down, back and forth with no sign of the one I'm keeping an eye out for. Maybe he's already gone to class.

"You have a crush on him. Admit it," Alice says to a flustered Rosalie, who turns redder and redder every time Emmett is mentioned. "Right, Bella?"

I shrug and spin my locker dial. All this talking is messing me up on the combination. "I don't know if she does, but did you see him turn around to watch her when we walked by?"

Rosalie tries to hold back a smile. "He did not. I have a boyfriend. You know this. Since when do you encourage her on these things anyway?"

I put my arm around Alice's shoulder, not in the most natural of movements. It requires some thought, but it feels right. "Sorry, it's hard to argue with her logic on this one."

Alice's arm around my waist is immediate. "See, Bella loves me unlike some people."

"Oh, whatever," Rosalie says, chuckling under her breath.

I smile at them both, hiding my disappointment at having passed Emmett and not seeing Edward with him. I get the first two numbers of my combination in when I hear, "Hey, Cullen," behind me. It's Maggie, our student council president, saying his name. Her hair is in a tight French braid and there is no way her skirt is fingertip length. Great.

He stops a few feet away from me with Emmett by his side. His hood is all zipped up, keeping him hidden, but I get a glimpse of his face and can tell that he looks tired. I kept him up all night. I like knowing why he's tired.

"Can I catch a ride with you after school? My ride bailed?" Maggie asks.

"No," he says.

"Why?" she asks. "What do you think I'm going to do? I'm president, you know? People trust me. That's how I got elected."

"That's not my fault," he says and points to himself. "I didn't vote for you."

"Sorry about him," Emmett says. "What he means is that he's got something going on after school. He won't even hang out with me, but if you need a ride home, I'm going to help you find one. Don't even worry."

Edward looks my way and gives me the slightest smile. We exchange the briefest eye contact before he takes a step away and waits for Emmett. It wasn't the greeting I really wanted, but I'll take the smile.

"At least, she was subtle," Rosalie says when Edward and Emmett have made their way down the hall. "Maybe she really needs a ride."

"Should we offer her one?" I ask, spinning the lock on my locker, so I can start over on the combination.

"Not today," Rosalie says. "Not today."

"Emmett will help her. He can help anyone," Alice says and pulls on Rosalie's arm. "He so winked at you."

"Did not!"

"Did so! Let's go to the bathroom. You keep mashing your lips together and now your lipstick is smeared."

"I'll meet you when I'm done," I say, before turning my combination without them distracting me.

When I open the metal door, a folded piece of paper falls onto the floor between my shoes. I pick it up and get it back in my locker. I look around to make sure no one is going to look over my shoulder. My hands shake as I unfold it. He left a note in my locker. I'm sure of it. Who else would? I mentioned it last night, so there's no way it can be from someone else. I can't be sure until I open it, though, and once I do, I'm sure—so sure.

Several eyes and flowers drawn in blue ink surround his words: _My house after school?_

I squeeze my eyes closed and then read it again as if I'd misread it before. Folding it back up, I'm careful to use only the creases he's already made. This is so much better than a water bottle. This I can keep forever and not just a day.

I look down the hall in the direction he went in just in case I can still see him, and to find out if he's watching me, but he's gone.

Should I make him wait? Should I leave him wondering if I got his note? Maybe I should, I think as I pull out my phone and start texting him. **_Yes_**. I delete it before I press send. Yes is a strong, overeager word. I change it to **_Okay_**.

His response is immediate – **_Cool_.** I stare at the message for far too long. When the morning bell rings, I put my phone away and place the note in a small zippered pocket in my backpack. I can't risk it falling out. I make a plan not to look at the note again until after school, or actually, after the plans I share later with Edward Cullen.

Maybe Maggie would feel better if she knew he really does have plans, but I'm thinking the kind of plans he has might not make her feel better at all.

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* * *

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 **Author's note:** Hi, thanks for reading. I'll continue to post teasers on my Facebook page on Mondays- Mylissa Denicks. Let me know if you have any trouble with seeing those.

Thanks so much for all the alerts and reviews so far. They are such a great push for me to keep working on this. Thanks for being inspiring.

Sri ffn and YourVixen, thanks so much for prereading and all your thoughts and ideas for this story. Dazzled eyes22, thanks for all the beta work and helpful feedback.

Thanks gain for reading. Leave me some thoughts.

~M


	5. Chapter 5

*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

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I'm about to pull into the Cullens' driveway when I think better of it and keep driving. What if his parents are home? Am I sneaking in? Am I meeting them? What if they're gone and they come home while I'm there? What if they drive by? Someone could see my truck and report to Edward's parents. We really should have discussed this. Last night, he didn't park at my house, and now, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't have a friend down the street whose house I can park at. I can't just leave my truck on the side of the road, either. My dad being the chief of police means that if my truck is spotted somewhere random, he's going to find out. Usually with the activities Alice gets me involved in, I have a good excuse.

I just want to see Edward and turning around in circles isn't getting me anywhere. If I'm going to see him at some point today, I need to figure this out.

Pulling my truck to the side of the road just before his driveway, I'm careful not to get too far over so that I don't get my truck stuck in the ditch. A splatter of water lands on my windshield, but it's not raining. The wind is causing the trees to shake their moisture on me like Alice's dog does when we take him to the lake.

I grab my phone, pause, and inhale. I know I'm in the right place, but I check the house number painted on the mailbox and make sure it's the same as the address he sent me. It's ridiculous. Everyone knows where the Cullens live.

I still don't know what to do, so I suck up my nerves and find his name in my recent contacts. This is my first time calling him, and I'm about to put all those times I practiced saying hi to good use.

"Bella," he says upon answering my call.

"Yeah?" I ask, skipping my prepared greeting and going along with him starting this conversation even though I'm the one that called.

"Why aren't you here yet?" he asks, but he speaks again before I can respond. "You're not ditching me, are you? If you are, please don't."

Ditch him? As if I ever would. "I might be inches away from a ditch right now, but I'm not ditching you. I'm here."

"Oh." I hear a door open followed by his breath causing static in the phone. "Where? No, you're not. Bella, seriously? What are you doing?"

I try to see him, but there are too many trees blocking my view. "I'm at the end of the driveway. Where do you want me to park?"

"At the other end of the driveway. In front of the garage works." He chuckles before he says, "C'mon."

He disconnects the call without another word. I keep the phone at my ear for a moment, listening to the silence. He hung up on me the same way he hung up on Tanya, or the blonde one as he calls her, which makes me feel uneasy. There's a difference, though. He wants me here, and he has no problem calling me by my actual name, but that doesn't mean I have to like him hanging up on me. I turn into the driveway and try to make my way as easily as he made it sound until I reach the other side and see him sitting on the front steps of the porch that wraps around his whole house.

He's changed out of his school clothes into shorts and a tank top similar to what he wore to my house. Before I can get my truck parked and turned off, he's at the door, waiting for me to open it.

"Did you stop at your house or something?" he asks once I'm out of the truck.

"No, but I guess I should have gone home and changed."

"Why?"

I look at his clothes. "Why'd you change?"

He pinches his shirt. "Because I hate clothes, and this is as minimal as I'm allowed to go around my house."

My mind starts to ponder his aversion to clothes, but I can't tell if he's annoyed with me or not. There's tension in his eyebrows.

"Did you get lost?" He looks off toward the landscaping on the side of his house. "I thought you changed your mind or something."

After seeing him worry, I realize my frustration over him hanging up on me is silly. I fit myself against him with my ear against his chest. "I just wasn't sure where to park. I should have called earlier. Me changing my mind … it's just not … it's not something you have to worry about."

His arms wrap over top of mine as mine they find their way around his waist. The beat of his heart thumps against my ear so erratic that I get an idea of how worried he was that I wouldn't be showing up. If he lets me, one day I'll prove to him that not all girls play games.

There are stepping stones that start at his driveway. I follow each one with my eyes until I reach just enough of a visible gazebo to know that's what it is. There are vines weaving their way in and out and around while flower bushes surround it on the ground. They aren't in bloom, but I imagine that it's a sight to see when they are. It's the kind of place where first kisses, declarations, proposals, and even vows happen. Edward Cullen holds me close as we look toward a place where things start, grow, and flourish.

His steps are careful as he takes my hand and leads me to his porch. I look down at his bare feet, realizing I've never seen them. Maybe if I had spent more time studying him from afar, I'd have noticed these details sooner.

"Is anyone else here?" I ask when we step inside, keeping my voice low as if they'll hear me.

"No," he says and lifts my hand, kissing the back of it. He leads me further into the house. There are stairs and hallways to pick which way you'll go, like a, b, or c. Before going in a direction, he points to his right. "I don't think we have themed rooms. I guess this is the white room."

The sitting area, a formal living room, is something so luxurious looking, but with white furniture and rugs that make it look unusable, like it would get dirty if someone breathed too deeply. I'm grateful when we don't linger.

He takes me further into his home. I barely notice where he takes me. There's the remnant of a kiss on the back of my hand that's making my insides feel mushy. Would anyone even believe that he's this sweet? Would I even want them to know? No, not really, but I like knowing. I like these feelings.

Once we're in the kitchen, I realize that I haven't commented or shown much interest in his home or any of his family's things. At my house, he was interested in everything, but for me, all I see is him: the way he talks, the way he moves, and the way he looks at me. I hear the things he says. I listen. I care, but I'm doing a horrible job at showing that.

I tear my eyes away from him and look at his refrigerator. There's a whiteboard to leave notes on, but there are no notes. "You have an ice maker," I say, pointing out the obvious. "I've always wanted one of those."

"You want some?" he asks, stepping toward the freezer side of the side-by-side setup.

"Ice? No, I'm good." I'm not though because in the process of moving toward the ice maker, he lets go of my hand and that's not good at all.

He grabs a glass out of the cupboard closest to the fridge. The cupboard is like a window with frosted glass surrounded by a wooden frame. The wood is probably one of those woods of the finest variety. Everything looks fragile, not just break and put back together, but things that can be shattered. Unlike at my house, at the Cullens', you have to be careful.

He fills the glass with ice and then water from their filter. I watch him lift it, press his lips against the glass, and swallow. I'm so focused on the rhythmical bob of his throat that I barely notice when he holds the glass out to me. I take it and bring it to my mouth, wondering if this is any different than if I had drunk off his left-behind water bottle.

I hand him back the glass that now holds traces of both our lips and watch him drink the rest. He dumps the ice in the sink and puts it in the dishwasher. "C'mon," he says with his hand outstretched.

I take his hand. I was only minutes without it in mine, but I missed it. He pulls me toward him, but I don't budge. I pull him to me instead. He steps forward until he's right in front of me.

"Hi," I say. If it sounds like one that I practiced, I wouldn't know. I don't hear it. All I see is his answering smile as he inches closer to me.

The brush of his lips against mine is a better outcome than I could have predicted with all those practiced greetings.

He pulls my lower lip into his mouth and a hum vibrates my vocal chords. "Ready now?" he asks.

Nodding, I follow his lead as he walks backward. He points out things as he passes them. "My dad's office. It's green … mostly." He laughs. I don't know if he's making fun of my referring to rooms in my house by their themes or if this is an inside joke, but I laugh anyway.

"Bathroom," he says. "It's a blue one."

He doesn't move, and I realize I'm still failing to show interest in this house tour. Failing epically. I haven't looked at the office or bathroom. All I know is that I like being in his house, the way his hand feels in mine, and the way his laugh sounds. What I'd like to know is if it'd be rude to interrupt his attempt at a tour by kissing him over and over.

I'm interested in every aspect of Edward Cullen, though it's his presence that's distracting me. I drop his hand and walk into the bathroom. It's a small half-bath, but I step inside and spin in a full circle as I take everything in. There's a pair of white ceramic doves somehow hung against the wall. I turn on the sink, checking the pressure. Why? I don't know. I open the medicine cabinet but stop myself before I see anything.

"Sorry," I say. "This is a great bathroom."

"It's fine." He laughs and reaches around me and opens the medicine cabinet. I glance inside and see how organized it is, but all I can focus on is the energy between our almost-touching proximity and the warmth of his breath on my neck as he asks, "Do you need a Band-Aid?"

"Not yet," I say. "But it's good to know where those are."

Cool air meets my lower abdomen as he pulls on my shirt. "C'mon. Let's hang out in here."

I follow him into a room with the kind of partial swinging doors seen in movies on old saloons, doors that even when closed leave so much in view. One look around and I bet he's spent countless hours hanging out with Emmett in this very room. There's a pool table, a dartboard, and a big screen TV in front of a leather couch.

"This room is … um … black, I guess," he says as he eyes the couch.

I'm letting him lead me toward it when I stop. "Wait! Am I supposed to take my shoes off?"

"No," he says, tugging me forward. "You don't have to."

We settle on the couch. Getting through the school day and knowing I'd be here with him after has kept me going. Now that I'm here and seated beside him, every part of my body relaxes. I hadn't realized the toll sleep deprivation had taken on my body.

Cullen flips the remote around a few times before turning to me. I see the relief in his expression as exhaustion weighs at his eyes. "Tired?" he asks.

"Yeah," I say with a sigh and turn so I can lay my head back on the armrest. "You?"

"Yeah." He lifts my legs onto his lap and says, "I wonder why."

"No idea." I smile and avoid looking him in the eye.

I'm careful not to put my shoes on him or the couch, as he moves his hands over my jeans. He finds my skin through the frayed holes and rubs his fingertips against it before he pulls on the strings hanging from the material.

His cell phone vibrates against my legs. "Sorry," he says as he shifts to pull it out of his pocket before turning it off.

"It's okay. Have you ever changed your number?"

He sighs. "This is the fifth number I've had since moving here. It's this town. I think everyone's bored here. You know, though. You were new here once too."

I shrug. "I guess I got asked out a lot when I first moved here, but that didn't last long."

"Because you had a boyfriend," he says, while hooking two fingers in a hole just above my knee.

"I did, but not for a while."

He moves his fingers to a different opening. The holes will probably get bigger with the way he's messing with them, but I don't care. "Yeah? It seems like you had a boyfriend the whole time you've lived here. That Jake guy, right?"

"Yeah, you know him?" I ask because if it weren't for my dad, I probably would have never met him.

"Not really. I have friends in La Push. I hang out there all the time."

I stare at him. I've been to La Push one-hundred times and have never seen him around. "With whom?"

His eyes widen. "Paul and Jared. I've seen you there tons of times."

Any other girl around here would have been aware of his presence. "Huh? I never saw you."

"Yeah, because Jake's a punk and my friends don't hang out with him, but I still saw you."

I reach over and stop his fingers from their ministrations on my pants and squeeze his hand. "Somebody should have told me he was a punk. I didn't know, but I notice you now. Hopefully that helps. It's just silly that I didn't notice before."

He turns his hand and interlocks our fingers. "I guess it's good. You're like … loyal. You've been broken up for a while, right? I just found out a week ago."

I nod. "Yeah, a few months. How'd you find out?"

With his free hand, he rubs the back of his neck. "I asked Paul because … well, Jake … he was all over this girl one day. This girl … she's like Sam's ex. I just thought he was with you, so I asked. Paul didn't really know why, but just that you'd broken up with him awhile back."

"I did," I say, but I'm not sure why Jake still calls me if he's all over Sam's ex, Leah? It's annoying, but maybe there's hope that he'll finally leave me alone.

I've had enough of the ex-boyfriend talk and can think of better things to do with the guy that I'd like to be my current one.

"Do you want to watch something?" I ask, eyeing the remote he's gone back to messing with.

He gives me a quirk of a smile. "I'd rather watch you."

I let go of his hand, so I can use both of mine to hide my face from him.

"Hey, that's not … no." he grabs my arms and tries to pull them away from my face, but I keep them tense and he ends up using them to pull me up into a sitting position as we both laugh. "How am I supposed to kiss you when you're doing that?"

My hands fall. Never, ever do I want to block that. "Sorry. Go ahead."

We are smiling so much that it takes a minute before our kisses turn serious.

"Did you want to watch something?" he asks.

I kiss him again and say, "No. I'd rather do this."

He reaches for my hips and pulls me closer. My body just goes. My knees find their place on the couch on both sides of his legs. There's no being timid from this position. The angle of our bodies speaks for itself, so I'm not shy about leaning forward, kissing him, and deepening it.

Our lips become everything. My tired weight disappears and kissing him sends pulses through me and around me. As his hands push up my shirt and find my chest, my hips grind down on him. Would he want to do it like this? Do I? Could I? My fingers moves through his hair, and we're not just lips anymore. There's a rush that makes this feel frantic and overwhelming. I move my hips some more. I bet I could do it like this. He puts his hands on my waist, pushing me against him harder, and yeah, I can tell—if I wanted to do this without clothes, he'd let me. I'm sure he would.

I move my teeth along his jaw and down his neck. I don't bite him. I still can't bring myself to hurt him, but it doesn't stop me from wondering if he'd like it if I did. Pressure around my chest is lost. My bra straps fall off my shoulders, but it's still held up by my shirt. I hadn't felt him undoing it, but it's undone.

We could do this right here right now. It'd be spontaneous and adventurous. His hands move to the sides of my breasts as his hips buck up. This is already getting pretty hot, and if it weren't for those swinging doors that don't allow for privacy, I'd be showing him how easily this shirt slides off.

I lean my forehead on the back of the couch beside his head and try to calm down my breathing for coherency. "Is there a room with a full door?"

"We don't need one. They get home really late on Tuesdays," he says before his mouth connects with my earlobe.

"Okay, but…"

"Okay, yeah. Doors are good," he says before nudging me to stand.

The first flight of stairs is filled with anticipation as we near the top. I look down the hall, wondering what room is his. When he rounds the corner and steps on another flight of stairs, I say, "Seriously."

He stops on the second step. "There's a guest room down here. It has a door."

"No, it's fine. Keep going." From the front of the house, I hadn't noticed there were three levels.

Once we're in his room, my lack of interest in the rest of his house is gone. This is a room I want to see.

I take in the gray comforter that's hanging halfway off his full-size bed, showing the white sheet set that it's supposed to be covering. His desk is filled with papers and sketchbooks. I want to get a closer look, but once he's closed the door, he has other ideas. His mouth finds its way to my neck and his hands take my hips and pull them against his.

Looking around his room will have to wait. I started something downstairs, something I want to finish.

I lose all sense of care, all sense of worry, all sense of anything else but him. I wonder if the suction he's creating on my neck is going to leave a mark or not. I'd like having his mark on me. My shirt goes over my head just as easily as I thought it would when I put it on this morning. I tug on his. It's not as easy to slide off as mine, but the speed at which he takes it off makes it look as if it is. Without its clasp or my shirt to hold it up, my bra falls to our feet—to my shoes and to his feet. I manage to get my shoes off while his hands explore the parts of me that are exposed, and his mouth tries to distract me from my task as it moves up and down my throat.

He backs me up until my legs hit his bed and stops. "You're like … here."

My answer is a frantic rush of getting the rest of our clothes off. He's going to give me a superiority complex if he keeps acting about me the way he is. I probably already have one with the fact that I'm the one he wants to have here.

I lay back and pull him with me.

"Hold on," he says while holding himself in a pushup position over top of me.

I stare at his body. Mine's on display without his covering it. I want to pull the comforter on the bed as I wait for him, but I fight the itch to do so, ogling him as he opens his top dresser drawer instead.

He turns around and pauses as his eyes roam. My chest rises as I inhale. I like him looking at me. I do. Covering up would block his view, but I still kind of want to. I fight the urge and let him keep looking.

My fingers curl against his sheets as my eyes are drawn to the movements of his hands. He tears open a condom wrapper and lets it flutter to the floor. I don't cover up. He doesn't cover up. This is private, but this is private with each other. The condom goes on. I watch it, remember what it feels like to help him put one on, and remember what it feels like to touch him without one.

There are a few chuckles and awkward shifts before we settle into a position. I lift a knee and press my thigh against his hip. I tilt my head just so and he kisses me just as I think he will. As our bodies start connecting, my eyes want to close, but I force them open. Our gazes lock as we start moving against each other. I don't know if there are words to make him understand how much being like this with him and wanting to be like this with him means to me. Hopefully my eyes say enough.

I feel the flex of his biceps and tilt my face again, before capturing the kiss he meets me with. I forgot that I wanted to try to do this from a different position, but he feels too good to stop and switch it up.

Our movements increase along with our heart rate and breathing. I can feel both, circulating between each other, and pounding against my chest.

"Edward." It falls right out of my mouth and both my knees are lifted as my thighs grip his hips. My body is holding on for more, like a cusp that could be something, but what it is now already, is better than anything before.

He moves faster in the way I've come to know means this is almost over. I love the way his muscles tense before they relax. I want to hold him and to revel in the feelings that we just felt, but the look on his face is disappointment. How long does he expect to be able to go? No one is timing him.

His hips pull away and that point of connection is lost. I lean up and try to kiss away his thoughts.

"I'll be right back," he says.

He grabs the condom wrapper off the floor as he walks by. I don't know at what age I was supposed to figure out orgasms, but I think this could be about that. Maybe this is why faking them is a thing. I wouldn't lie to him like that, but I guess it's a practice I now understand.

He comes back to the bed, boxers on now, and pulls his comforter over us as he pulls me into his arms.

"You feel really good," I say, snuggling against him. I could stay in his hold all day, all night even. Do I ever have to leave this bed?

"Now or before?" he asks.

"Both." I kiss his chest. "Do you not think so?"

The breath from the huff he lets out fans over my face. "I just thought I could keep going, but you … the way you get … it's like the hottest thing ever, and it's like I can't even control myself."

The fact that he's talking about me right now makes my head spin. "How do I get?"

He chuckles. "Well, it's like … I have this thing about my name, but the way you say it. You get all clenched around me and your breathing changes. I want to hold back through it, but I just can't handle it."

My eyes feel like headlights beaming as he describes the way I feel to him and the fact that it's 'like the hottest thing ever' has me reeling with pride. "Well, just think, maybe next time, but don't worry about that. It was really good."

He smiles. "Okay."

I'm relieved when he agrees because next time, I hope there are many next times.

"You really thought I wasn't going to come over?" I ask as my fingers dance across his abs.

"Well, what took you so long?" he asks in a playful tone. "It felt like forever."

I flatten my hand against his stomach and squeeze. "It wasn't that long. I just didn't know where I should park, or like if your parents were home."

"Oh," he says. "I won't ask you to come over if they're home."

I nod, but then I think, ever? That's not really what I thought we were going for here and maybe not what he means. "Never?" I ask.

"Nope," he says as if this is the answer I'm looking for before he presses his lips against my shoulder.

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* * *

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 **Author's note:** Thanks for reading! How do we feel?

Thanks so much to sri ffn and YourVixen for prereading and to dazzled eyes22 for her beta work!

Teasers post on Mondays on my Facebook page: Mylissa Denicks and chapter 6 will post next Wednesday.

Thanks again,

~M


	6. Chapter 6

*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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The bathroom is steam-filled as I step out of the shower. It's like being in a cloud. Yesterday, it was filled with hope and infatuation. This morning, it's a haze of confusion, but hope and infatuation are still there, floating around in misty vapors in the air. Eventually, they will settle and maybe then my mind will straighten out. I swipe my hand across the foggy mirror and stand there with a towel secured under my arms, as drips from my hair soak the top of it. I should have grabbed a towel from the hall closet for my hair, but I've been in a daze.

As per usual, I can't stop thinking about Edward Cullen. That should be easy, thinking of one name, one person's image, but it's not. He keeps pulling emotions out of me as if they were in a magic hat. He reaches in and bam, I feel something I'm not used to feeling.

This thing with us, I don't know what it is, but it's not just sex. "It's not," I say out loud. There are dozens of things he's said and done that prove just that, but then there's that one thing he said that has me questioning everything else. Never meeting the parents feels like just sex, and I'm not sure what to do with that. Being the type of girl that's not suitable for meeting parents isn't who I want to be. If that's the type of girl I'm being, that's something I need to work on.

I'm sure he wouldn't care if there wasn't sex, like if we just hang out. Maybe on one of these Bella Tuesdays, we can try that and see how it goes. With him taking a day off of work to be with me, that's got to be more than a sex thing … or not. Maybe that's another thing pointing to that being exactly what this is.

.

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" _Oh," he said. "I won't ask you to come over if they're home."_

 _I nodded, but then I thought, ever? That's not really what I thought we were going for here and maybe not what he meant. "Never?" I asked._

" _Nope," he said as if that was the answer I was looking for before he pressed his lips against my shoulder. "Don't worry about them. They always work late on Tuesdays," he said, moving his lips on my skin as he spoke._

" _Okay," I said, managing a simple word as my mind ran through the things I wanted to say._

 _He lifted up on his elbow and started playing with my hair. "I could change my availability at work. Tell them I can't work on Tuesdays."_

" _You would do that?" I asked as the prospect quieted all my other concerns._

 _He smiled with those lips—the ones I've kissed a lot. "Yeah. Would you come over?"_

" _Yes, if you want." My own smile took over my whole face._

" _I want," he said. "Like Bella Tuesdays."_

 _._

 _._

I lift my phone off the bathroom counter and reread the texts of him making sure I got home safe last night and wishing me a goodnight. I wish we also sent good morning texts. Why would we? I'm the girl penciled in for sex on Tuesdays.

I set my phone on the counter before it slips from my hands with the way I'm squeezing it. Where the hell does he even work? I didn't know he had a job. I didn't ask, too blinded by him taking a day off just for me. It just felt really sweet at the time, but now I'm left worrying that we went too fast and that impression is set. If he had taken me out on a date, or several even, I wouldn't have started sleeping with him. Maybe I wouldn't have waited the six months I thought made sense before, but I would have given myself a respectable amount of time before taking that step. Am I not respectable anymore? Does he think I am? Do I?

We both have our own hesitations. I get that. I want mine to disappear and to show him that with me, his aren't warranted, but I don't know if we can get there if we are only a casual hookup.

I loosen the towel from around my body and twist it around my hair. There's a mark on my side that might be a sign that this thing with me and Edward is a sex thing, but I didn't get it that way. We were just playing around, having fun, and being silly.

"Dammit," I say to what I can see of my reflection through the water smear on the glass. I really like him. This can't just be a sex thing. It just can't.

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" _Your sheets are so soft," I said, rubbing the material in the space between us. "Is it Egyptian cotton?"_

" _I have no idea." He ran a thumb below my collarbone. "Your skin's softer."_

 _I looked away as I smiled. "Thanks, but for real. What's the thread count?"_

" _I don't know," he said. "Let's count 'em."_

" _What? No. We can't count them."_

 _He shook his head and scoffed. "If we can do naked reading, we can do naked counting. Come on. It's kind of our thing."_

 _Looking down at his boxers, I nudged his shoulder and laughed as I said, "You're not even naked anymore."_

" _Only because you said no to the counting." He leaned in until his face was in the crook of my neck and then he bit me._

" _Ow."_

 _He backed away and wiped his hand against where his mouth had just been. "I didn't bite you that hard, did I?"_

" _No, but hey," I said as I elongated my neck. "Do I have any marks?"_

" _Bella, no. Seriously? It was not that hard."_

" _No, I know. I mean from earlier."_

" _Oh." He held my chin and tilted my head from side to side as he checked my neck. "No, you're good. No marks."_

 _I bit the inside of my cheek and gave a slow nod._

 _He chuckled. "Don't be disappointed," he said. "I can fix that." He lifted the blankets and scooted down just before latching his mouth to my side and making me gasp._

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I lift my arm and turn sideways, looking down at the mark. The red splatter makes me smile. It's a physical reminder of him. I shouldn't need his plastic water bottle in my room anymore, but it's still in there. After being at his house, I should be able to pick up my phone and text him, but I can't bring myself to do it.

I get dressed and ready for another day at school where I don't know what's in store for me.

I text Alice and ask where we're meeting even though we meet at the same place every morning, but things change, so who knows.

When she answers with the flagpole and sends me a photo of what she's wearing today, I snap a picture too and send it to her. I have my T-shirt tied at my waist in an attempt to make my wardrobe cuter. She sends me a thumbs up, but then asks for a photo that includes my face. I try to take one, but I end up deleting them all and telling her the photo I already sent will have to do.

At breakfast, my dad can't stop smiling as if he's the one with the crush on someone. "So, how's your boyfriend?"

I sit at the table, grateful the fruit he used to put out for me is absent, as I grab the carton of milk he's set beside the bowl of cereal he's already poured for me. "I don't have a boyfriend. You're the only one that knows about this, so can you please zip your lips?"

He manages to push his lips together as he brings his pinched thumb and index finger to his mouth and zips it closed.

I shoo him away with my hands. "Go to work. I can't believe you're acting like this."

Laughing as he makes his way toward me, he says, "Have a good day, kid." He ruffles my hair before he leaves.

I drop my spoon in my bowl and try to fix my hair. All that time Jake and I spent building a friendship that led to a relationship, never once did my dad refer to him as my boyfriend.

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 _The third time I met Jacob Black, he had come back with the parts needed for my truck. Once again, Charlie wasn't home from work, thereby tasking me with the job of communicating with Mr. Happy About Everything._

 _His knock on the door made my body tense and my eyes twitch. At least I made it into the house for the time he was around and didn't get stuck in the back of the truck again, but Charlie's phone call ruined the avoidance I had accomplished._

 _When I opened the door, he said, "Hey, you're all set." He looked at me once, smile wide, but then he turned that smile to the patch of dirt beside the door that was meant to hold flowers. He looked at it as if the dirt was pretty as it was without the flowers._

 _I tried to see what he was seeing, beauty in the earth maybe, but I saw nothing but neglected ground that needed something growing in it besides weeds._

" _Can you hang out a while?" I asked, shifting my eyes from him to my truck. "Charlie was hoping you could."_

" _Sure," Jake said. "You really call him Charlie?"_

 _I shrugged. "Sure." I caught the rise of Jake's eyebrows before I added, "Well, not to his face."_

 _As he followed me inside, he asked, "What do you call him to his face?"_

 _I chuckled before I said, "Somehow, I've managed to not call him anything." It was an awkward moment of silence before I recalled that at Alice's, the first thing we did was head straight for the kitchen. "Are you hungry?"_

 _The question wasn't that exciting, but his face said otherwise. "Usually."_

" _Okay, we have a bunch of healthy stuff and a few things of the sugar, salt, and fat variety that The Food Guide pyramid says should be eaten sparingly."_

" _Oh," he said. "Whatever's fine."_

 _When Jacob laughed, I realized this guy knows my father. "Hey, did Charlie follow this Food Pyramid as if it was the rule book for food consumption before I lived here, or are these calculated food varieties just for my benefit?"_

 _He looked at the overflowing fruit bowl on the counter. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's all for you. I've never seen Chief Swan eat anything that wasn't fried or covered in gravy."_

" _Good to know." I grabbed us each a tiny, single serving bag of cookies and led him to Charlie's kitchen table._

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Alice and Rosalie are already standing near the flagpole when I arrive. Before I get out of my truck, I look over the parking lot one space at a time until my eyes meet the silver metallic of Edward's car. Silver … Metallic … My favorite. That's a sign that I should have noticed when I first moved here. Seen that sign and what? Joined the Edward Cullen fan club? I would have never talked to him. Seeing the color as a sign is a far reach, but I still like it.

I check my phone for a text from him, but there's nothing. I can text him. I can. He's reached out to me, so I can reach out to him. One time, I sent him my phone number, and he called me, and another time, I didn't know where he wanted me to park, so I called him. Both times, he spoke in a way that didn't leave me trying to fill the silence. He likes me. He does. In a way that's like, 'I can't believe you're here.' So maybe … just maybe, he's checking his phone, hoping for a text from me too. I shouldn't be leaving him waiting just in case he is. I nod. Not texting him would be rude. Even if we're not thinking the same way about what this thing between us is, I can still text him.

 _ **Hey,**_ I text, taking far longer than necessary to type three letters. I press send fast though because otherwise, it might not happen at all.

My eyelids lower.

I take a deep breath.

His response is quick. _**Hey, how'd you sleep?**_

I smile at the inanimate object in my hand as I reply. _**Good, after the caffeine wore off.**_

 _ **At least it worked, right?**_

 _ **Yeah,**_ I text and when he doesn't text back, I try to think of what to say next.

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 _Edward removed his mouth from my side and then checked out his work. "Better?"_

 _I looked down at what that tingling sensation he created had left on my skin. "Yeah. I like it. Thanks."_

" _Anytime," he said, still looking at the redness._

 _I yawned and tried to pull him back to a lying down position, but he stopped me as he asked, "When do you need to leave?"_

 _My nose scrunched as I checked the time. I'd told my dad I'd be home for dinner. "Half hour."_

" _Okay, then c'mon." He gathered our clothes and dropped mine on the bed._

" _Where are we going?" I asked as I tried to get dressed partially under covers._

 _He pulled his shirt over his head and said, "I need to caffeinate you before I can let you drive."_

.

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He doesn't respond to my text, but I don't know if it left him with anything to respond to. I've come this far, so I ask, _**Where are you?**_

 _ **Band room. You?**_

 _ **Parking lot**_ _,_ I text back.

I need to remember this, seriously. He answers fast, and I have no reason not to text him whenever I want to. Maybe not whenever I want because that would be all the time, but here and there would probably be fine. People that like each other, text each other, especially when what they feel about each other is more than physical. I'm sure of it. I'm almost sure of it.

And then I add, _**Wait, you're in band?**_

 _ **No, just a TA**_ _._

I nod at my phone, not sure what else to say. If he were right here, I'd ask him more about it, but through the concision of texting, I don't know what else to talk about.

My screen lights up with another message from him. _**Hey, I have to work the rest of the week, but can I text you?**_

 _ **Of course. You can text me whenever you want,**_ I reply, and I mean it. Even if it's all day long, that's fine.

 _ **Cool,**_ he responds.

I glance toward Alice and Rosalie, but they aren't looking my way, so I turn back to my phone and ask, _**Where do you work anyway?**_

With his response, _**I'll text you**_ **,** it feels like a goodbye for now. Maybe he doesn't want to say where he works which makes me curious as to why. Maybe he's just busy with whatever has him helping in the band room before school has even started.

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As the school day goes on, I see the back of his head twice. I check my locker between every class I can get away with without making Alice suspicious. All I find is the summer photo of Alice, Rosalie, and I that Alice taped to the inside of the door. It's not the best picture of me, but it's not the worst, and that's the only reason I've left it up. My disappointment at not finding a note each time is unwarranted. He's already said he'll text me later. My phone is in my pocket, so I can feel the vibration if I get a message while we're still at school, but I still check it any chance I get. What occupied my mind before I became obsessed with Edward Cullen?

I listen for his name coming from the mouths of my female peers. Even when they don't say a name, I assume until proven wrong that they're talking about him. My fixation may be getting worse by the minute.

The quad is filled with students who have chosen this spot to hang out before our last class of the day. I'm settled near a window in the same spot my friends and I always meet. Condensation wets my shirt every time the shuffle of students pushes me against the glass.

This is the worst place in the school to stop and chat as so many need to pass through, but here I am a part of the congestion problem.

I see Edward and Emmett making their way through the crowd at the same time that Alice and Rosalie reach me. Their diamond lip gloss is the same shade, showing me why I've been left waiting. They've made a pit stop in the bathroom to touch up their makeup. Knowing Edward may see me at any moment, I should have thought to do the same.

"Hey," I manage to say.

They are already involved in a conversation that they continue right after they greet me. I don't try to follow what they're talking about. I follow Edward with my eyes. His hood covering his head has him looking overdressed indoors. For someone who hates clothes, he keeps himself more covered than most.

He gets stopped by a girl named Tia as she curls her slender fingers around his arm. I want to tell her not to touch him, but I'm not close enough, and even if I was, could I do that? Would I? What would he think if I did? I'm pretty sure Tia is in the same situation as Rose with a boyfriend in college. Can he not make it from one class to the next without a girl vying for his attention? He rolls his eyes and moves his arm from her grasp.

She flips her waist-length, black hair over her shoulder without a care to those whose faces she's throwing it into as they try to make their way past her. Emmett says something in her ear, and she moves away from them in the opposite direction. I can't see her face to read her expression.

"Hey, Rose?" I ask, interrupting their conversation. "Is Tia still dating that guy Alec used to hang out with?"

"Benjamin? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Why?"

I shrug and glance at her before my eyes are back on Edward as he waits for people to pass and let him by. "She was just talking to Cullen, but I thought she had a boyfriend, so…"

"Oh," Alice says, standing on her toes to follow my line of sight. "Boyfriends don't stop them. Why so interested? Seriously, Bella. What's with this Cullen thing? Guard the guy one night and suddenly—"

"Suddenly what?" I ask.

She giggles. "I don't know. That's why I'm asking."

Emmett grins when he sees us and nudges Edward, who is all smiles as soon as his eyes meet mine.

Rosalie grabs Alice's arm and spins her. "Did you seriously just wink?" She tugs on my arm next. "Bella, stop looking. They're going to think we like them."

"But I thought we do like them," I say as I take in the panicked back and forth motion of her eyes.

"Oh, we do," Alice says and turns back toward where we spotted the guys. "Just because some people can't appreciate that McCarty is worth looking at doesn't mean we're blind."

"I swear, Alice," Rose says as she turns Alice around again. "You're delusional."

We're all laughing when I try to peer around the crowd to see where Edward is now, but all I catch is the back of his head as he enters the hall opposite of the one I'll be making my own journey toward.

"Anyway," Rose says. "Are we doing anything after school?"

Alice looks around the quad because we've yet to see the mass of blond curls we stand here to see. "Not today. I'm taking a painting class with my mom, but are you up for hanging out at the skate park tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure," Rose says.

Alice turns to me, "Come if you want." The invitation is half-hearted, and I know why. It's an invitation I've turned down dozens of times.

I've never wanted to be a part of the measures she takes to get close to Jasper, but that was more because I didn't understand them. Glancing at him in the halls is as far as I go, but with that condom she shoved in my pocket at Mike Newton's party and her attempts to befriend Jasper's neighbor's girlfriend, Victoria, her actions are getting bolder and more extreme, or maybe it's all just wishful thinking. As far as I know, her recent ideas haven't amounted to anything. Either way, I should be there to make sure she's not reaching the levels that some of Edward's admirers get to.

"Oh, I'll be there," I say and nod toward the hallway Jasper has just emerged from.

Alice's attention on trying to look at him without being obvious is immediate. She doesn't say anything to me about accepting the invitation.

"Really? You want to come?" Rosalie is quirking her head as she looks at me.

"If you're both going, I might as well."

Rosalie smiles. "Okay."

Once Jasper passes, we leave the quad, making our way to our classes when it occurs to me that Rosalie and I both have nothing going on today, but we don't consider that we could find something to do together. Never once have I considered that, but somewhere between her reaching out after they ditched me at the party and all this teasing about the crush she's claiming not to have on Emmett McCarty, Rosalie has started to feel like one of my friends and not just Alice's.

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 **Author's Note:** Hi! If you're still with me, thanks for reading! I kinda held my breath every time a review came in last chapter, but you're all great, and I'm really excited to share the rest of this story.

Thanks to sri ffn and YourVixen for prereading and to dazzled eyes22 for her beta work. All three ladies are amazing.

I'm submitting the first chapter of a new story to the Babies at the Border compilation. I've posted a teaser on my Facebook page: Mylissa Denicks as well as the compilation Facebook group: Babies at the Border Fiction Compilation, but I'll post a summary here:

Frozen in the Stars: Going home to Forks is like going back to high school. This town still worships him, and even now as he's kissing me, I wonder if he knows my name.

I'll post the Cracking Cullen chapter 7 teaser on Facebook on Monday and post the chapter here next Wednesday.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Leave me some thoughts.

~M


	7. Chapter 7

*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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The digital clock on the stove tells me I have way too much free time to fill. The microwave is set a minute ahead of the stove, but it's telling me the same thing. It feels like a never-ending hourglass, but there's no room for sand in my life, so what else would I fill it with? Today, my agenda includes waiting for my dad to get home and make us dinner, and hoping Edward texts me. The waiting feels daunting. I used to be good at occupying myself in an empty, silent house, but now it's as if I've forgotten how.

I decide to change up the usual routine and attempt to cook my dad something for once. I know he's disappointed I no longer join him on his trips out to La Push, but he likes to tell his friends mundane details about me as if they are prideful stories, so my cooking dinner will give him something to brag about. It'd be nice to be there to hear him gush, but knowing how it will probably go will have to do.

My culinary skills are limited. I look through the fridge and pantry before settling on canned soup and grilled cheese, but then I decide if I'm feeding my dad, then he needs to eat something healthy. The soup has bits of meat and vegetables, but I don't think there's enough to satisfy the serving size of the food guide pyramid. I grab ham to add to the sandwiches and then laugh out loud as I get out apples and carrot sticks. I'm pretty sure I ate more fruits and vegetables in the first few months I lived with my dad than I had throughout my whole life.

The sun reflects off the glass from the window above the sink as I get out a pot and pan. As I stand, light flashes in my eyes. Unlike in my bedroom, where darkness is warranted for sleeping purposes, this window always seemed like the perfect place to let the sun in. It's why I chose the spot to display the seashells and sand dollars I used to collect with Jake. Memories with those with sunny dispositions were best suited in sunny places. Too bad Forks tends to be overcast. Maybe for a time, I found a piece of Phoenix in Jake, but now he's as dark and gloomy as the region we're living in.

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 _Charlie's old pickup truck was smaller than mine, but nowhere near as old. It meant not being in a cop car, but it had me feeling the same claustrophobia. I couldn't say which was worse. At least the cop car gave me a rational excuse for being uncomfortable._

 _Charlie kept fiddling with the heater vent as he drove. We were heading out to visit his friends, a meeting he'd been talking about almost daily for the two months I had lived with him._

" _You warm enough?" he asked for the third time._

" _Yes," I said, staring out the window at the trees that seemed to zoom by. As much as I didn't like being in the truck, I would have liked to have slowed down, taken our time, and even delayed our arrival. I should have gotten really girly in my preparation and made us late. That would have been a normal teenage thing to do, but no. I was ready to go on time._

" _Too warm maybe? Are you too warm?"_

 _I clasped my hands in my lap and squeezed. He was always fretting over me. My mom just tried to make sure there was something in the fridge for me to eat._

 _I thought I was prone to worrying, but Charlie worried about things that never occurred to me._

 _He lowered the volume on the radio, quieting the sports reporters who spoke of things I didn't understand fully, or care to understand, things that were easy to tune out. Music would have been nice, giving me something to fill my mind._

" _You're welcome to change the station if you want."_

" _Thanks," I said, glancing at him and forcing a smile. "This is fine."_

 _He changed the station anyway, choosing a top forty station, Alice's favorite and one that was becoming mine, as the lyrics ran through my head of the many songs I had memorized._

 _Yellow dandelions freckled the roadside for miles like the rampant weeds they were. Blackberry bushes stretched on and on, creating a barrier between the road and the woods._

 _Charlie turned off the radio and rolled down his window, winding the crank around and around. "You can't see it from here, but can you hear it?"_

" _What am I hearing?" I asked, as the sound of air whirling through the open windows and the amplified sound of the truck filled my ears now that the window was rolled down._

" _The ocean," he said._

 _I sat up straighter, closed my eyes, and tried to tune into the sound. I had photos of me at the beach from when I was very young, but I had no memory of the ocean._

" _I love it out here," Charlie said, breaking my concentration on the nearby water. "The Clearwaters have a daughter your age, Leah. Really nice girl."_

" _Hmm." My stomach clenched, as if a vice was being tightened, ruining any excitement the ocean had provided. Coming out here, I'd thought I'd find a corner to sit with my phone and headphones, so I could text Alice and watch videos. If I knew I'd be expected to interact with his friend's daughter, I wouldn't have agreed to go._

" _Jake will be there too. Billy said he was really happy to hear you're coming out."_

" _Okay," I said, and it's exactly how I felt. This was going to be okay._

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My eyes are caught on all the dust settled on the window sill. I'm not sure it's been cleaned since before the shells were removed. There's probably still sand amongst the dust when there should be no remnants at all. I get out a rag and clean it off until I'm satisfied there's no trace of sand left and wash any that might be on the rag down the drain. I loved the beach once upon a time, but I never thought about it back then; all that time I spent thrilled to be with Jake feeling the sand between our toes and cold salt water lapping at our ankles as we were gathering seashells, we weren't collecting memories. We were collecting corpses.

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I stare at the two wireframes I've created. This is my first attempt at earrings and making sure they are as similar as I can get them is going to be tricky. I've already started over a dozen times.

My phone screen lights up and dings. _**What's your favorite food?**_

Edward's been texting me questions like this all evening, making me smile and teaching me new things about him and myself. Some questions have me really pondering what my answers are.

I lift my phone and answer back, thinking of my favorite dish my dad makes **.** _ **Spaghetti. What about you?**_

 _ **Pizza.**_

I'm about to ask his favorite toppings when another message comes in. _**So Italian? There's a good restaurant in Port Angeles.**_

Smiling, I type, _ **I've never been.**_

An Italian restaurant with Edward Cullen sounds like a dream. When he texts back, I'm expecting something like _We should go,_ but what I get is, _ **Are the earrings working out?**_

My disappointment is short lived. I like sharing what I'm working on with him. I send him a picture of what I've done so far. _**Does it look like they're the same size?**_

 _ **Yes,**_ he texts and then adds _,_ _ **How do you put them on your ears, though?**_

I snap a picture of the hooks that I haven't added yet and ask him what he's doing. He sends a photo of several cardboard boxes and a box cutter.

He still hasn't told me where he works. This is the biggest clue I've gotten. I zoom in on the boxes, but they're nondescript. How many businesses in town have use for cardboard boxes? It's just a guess, but I'm going to go with all of them.

The texts from Edward slow down since he has work to do. As he cuts boxes, I'm wrapping the wire around that makes up the veins of the leaf. The steady stream of texts coming from him all evening kind of feels as if he's here with me.

My phone alerts me to another message. This time, the incoming image flashes with Alice's name. Her painting of two birds perched in a whimsical tree with looping branches and a full moon in the background fills my screen.

I tell her it's beautiful. I want to show her what I'm working on, but I haven't decided who I'm giving the earrings to if they turn out okay. I only know two people who wear big earrings: Alice and my mom. Looking at their size, I question whether they are even large enough to suit either's taste. Maybe I should have chosen another design.

By the time the earrings are nearly done, I now that Edward's favorite place is a trail near the waterfront in Chicago, and as far as favorite places go, I don't really have one. I wanted to say anywhere he is, but it seems like too much too soon… maybe. It's all I can think of, so I'm getting back to him on that. It'd be nice to say that I have to choose between several places, but I can't think of a single one. There were no places I cared about in Phoenix, and for a time, I loved that tainted, skeleton-infested beach, but now I don't know. My favorite place is a mystery to me unless with Edward counts. If he asks again in the future, maybe I'll tell him that even if it sounds corny.

I hold the earrings side by side and then adjust the veins, so they are even. No matter how much I adjust them, I keep finding spots where they don't look the same. I should have chosen a simpler design for my first try, but when I stop adjusting, they don't look too bad… except for here, here, and here. It never ends.

My dad yells at the TV, causing me to startle and drop the earring I'm working on. I look at my closed bedroom door as if I can see him through it. I don't know who's playing to get him so riled up, but it doesn't matter. He gets riled up watching any sport. The first few times he'd yelled in front of me, he was full of apologies and notable restraint, but now he lets it out. When a player messes up, my dad takes it personally. Sometimes, it's amusing, but I'm often surprised when it gets so out of hand that he sulks over the game for days.

I get back to adjusting the earrings, but my phone alerts me to a video call.

Mom.

I should have expected the call. It's been awhile. It'd help if she kept me in the know about her traveling schedule. She tends to call before she leaves for her work trips and has to end the call early but makes as if she'll miss me while she's gone and may be too busy to talk. She never calls on the days between her trips, so I see through her empty reasoning.

She looks as tired as I expect. She's in pajamas with her hair piled atop her head in a messy bun. I know this means she's already spent time relaxing in a hot bath scented with whatever fragrances are known to set the mood she'd like to achieve. It's also a guarantee that at least one glass of wine has already been consumed.

"Hey, baby. What are you up to?" she asks, squinting her eyes as she looks at me. She needs glasses, but she insists she doesn't. I don't say anything anymore. I know if I say anything in this moment, she'll say, "It's just this damn phone."

"Not a lot." I dangle the earrings in front of me. "Just finished making these."

She moves closer to the phone, her failing eyes narrowing for a better look. "Oh, baby girl. Those are amazing."

"Yeah, you think so?" I hold them up for myself. I guess they do look pretty good, and I don't need glasses. We got my eyes checked last month. "I could send them to you, if you want."

She lifts her wine to her lips, White Zinfandel I'm sure, although, that's the only wine I know. It's the only kind she buys. She gulps down a few swallows. She never sips. "Make twenty more pairs or so and send them down. I'll sell them for you next time Jodie gets a booth at a farmers' market or craft show."

"Okay," I say as I set the earrings down. "How's Jodie?" I ask, and she's off, full of gossip, loving words, and criticism of her closest friend.

I smile and nod, grateful for video calls because I don't have to say anything at all.

I get a text from Edward while my mom is mid-rant about a salon Jodie recommended.

 _ **Do you have a favorite flower? Before you ask, no, I don't, but girls do, right?**_

I laugh as I read his words.

"Bella, it was not funny. It was mortifying." She laughs. "Okay, you're right. It was funny."

I don't have the slightest clue what she's talking about. I hear the glug of the wine bottle pouring and see only her shoulder, as she leans forward to pick up her glass. I used to know how her mood would differ depending on how many glasses she'd had, but I don't know that anymore. Tolerances change, and it's been too long for me to be in tune with hers. I still watch for signs in her speech patterns that show how the wine is affecting her. There's a point where the things she says will be more information than I like to hear, and she gets nosey. I'd like to be off the phone before she gets to that point.

"Well, I know Jodie means well, but I should have known better than to trust her judgment right now. You should see this new man she's seeing."

"Oh, really?" I ask, letting her get out her gossip as I clean up the supplies still laid out on my desk.

Edward sends another text. _**Everything okay?**_

I want to answer him, but my mom's still talking.

 _ **Are you busy?**_

 _ **Should I stop texting?**_

 _ **I don't really want to.**_

 _ **So, I won't.**_

 _ **I have five minutes before I can clock out, so I'm just waiting for the time to go by.**_

I have to hold my breath to keep from laughing as he continues texting and my mom continues talking.

 _ **Wow! I'm being annoying. I'll leave you alone.**_

I'm about to answer him despite the fact that my mom will see that I'm messing around on my phone as she's talking because no way is he being annoying, but then another text comes in.

 _ **Not really. I'm getting ready to go. I'll try to text you again when I get home.**_

I relax against my chair.

"Anyway," my mom says, the bun on top of her head falling forward. "Enough about me. What else have you been up to?"

"Not much," I shrug. I'm not going to tell her everything I've been up to. "I made dinner. It turned out all right."

"Of course, he has you cooking. That man, I swear."

"He didn't tell me to," I say before she can rant about my dad any further. "He was surprised. He makes dinner all the time, and I was bored, so I just made something. Don't get all worked up about it."

"That town, boring? No way."

"Mom," I say with a clipped tone. If she doesn't let up, I'm getting off the phone.

She rubs her eye, smearing remnants of mascara. "All right. All right. I'm sorry. What'd you make?"

I fight the scrunch of my nose at her sudden mood change, knowing the lecture that the action will set off in her when she tries to convince me it's unattractive and wrinkle-inducing. "Grilled cheese."

"At least I taught you something, huh?" She lets out a yawn, not bothering to cover it. "I better get to bed. I've got an early flight to Dallas."

"Okay, have a safe trip."

"I will. Kiss. Kiss." She ends the call.

Maybe I want to return her kiss kiss. I don't, but she doesn't know that. Oh, well.

I step out on the landing and yell a goodnight down to my dad.

"Goodnight, kid. Love ya."

His offhanded versions of I love you always throw me off.

"You too," I say and get ready for bed. My mom tends to make me feel bummed, but at least she called. Besides, I have other things to be happy about, so I try not to let her get me down.

My dad's footsteps are heavy and slow up the stairs as I turn off my light and settle in bed. I could probably fall asleep. I'm tired enough, but I'm staring at my phone instead, waiting for a text from Edward to come in.

It feels like forever floats by as I wait for him to light up my phone with a message. Biting my cheek, I pick up my phone and start texting him instead. _**No favorite flower, huh? What about plants? Do you have a favorite?**_ I follow the text with an image of a stargazer lily to answer his earlier question.

Two minutes tick by, but then he responds. _**No, not that I can think of. You're around now?**_

 _ **Yes, sorry. My mom called.**_

 _ **Oh, so I was being annoying?**_

I try to muffle my giggle, so my dad doesn't get suspicious. He'd probably think I was recording myself or something equally ridiculous.

 _ **No, you made it more interesting.**_

Next, he's calling, and the intensity of my elation is so strong that I might be glowing in the dark. I pull the blankets over my head as I answer. "Hi."

"Hey," he says, voice low, but not as low as mine. "What are you doing?"

"Talking to you and that's it," I say whisper soft, trying to be quiet enough for my voice not to breach the blankets and the walls that separate me from my dad.

"Are you trying to sleep? Why are we whispering?" he asks, in a whisper that's too loud to be referred to as such.

"Because I already said goodnight to my dad, and if he hears me, he'll think I'm recording videos of myself."

He chuckles the kind of laugh I've learned is out of humor. He has another one, a nervous one. A few times I couldn't find the humor behind his laughs, but I've figured it out. Edward Cullen has a nervous laugh. "Is that something you do often?" he asks.

"No, it's Alice. She's always taking pictures and videos in front of him. He thinks it's what we do, but I don't have those apps on my phone. I don't even know what I'd make a video of."

He laughs again. "Are you in bed?"

"Yes." The air beneath the covers grows warmer, like the body heat of two people even though it's just me.

"Then I'll get in bed too," he says.

"Okay." I close my eyes despite the darkness, giving into an illusion that my phone isn't here, that he's beside me, talking into my ear.

"So, what's your middle name?" he asks, and an hour later, we're still talking.

I'm still under the covers. It feels more intimate this way, but every once in a while, I pull down the blankets and take a few breaths of cooler air.

"You smell good," he says.

I stifle a laugh. "Are you sure? How do you know?"

"Because my bed smells like you. You were just here yesterday. Did you forget already?"

"No way," I say, and smell the pillow he laid on when he was here. It doesn't smell like anything. "Mine doesn't smell like you, though."

"We can fix that," he says. "What days does your dad work late?"

I like the idea of him here, but unlike his parent-free Tuesdays, I don't have anything like that. If I were back in Phoenix, he could have probably lived with me, and no one would have known. "He doesn't usually. Last time was just a fluke."

"Okay," he says, a huff of air leaving his mouth. "Maybe we can figure something else out because Tuesday seems really far away."

My smile grows. "Yeah, we can figure something out. Are your parents home early other days?"

"At least one of them, yeah. The practice they work for has an office here and one in Port Angeles that they switch between, but the only day they're both in Port Angeles at the same time is on Tuesdays. They usually just eat dinner out there after work."

I hum my understanding. I didn't realize Denali Family Medicine had an office in Port Angeles. I try to think back to who I saw the one time I'd been in that office when I first moved here. I had to get a vaccine for school that wasn't on my records, even though I was fairly sure I'd already gotten it. I was too annoyed at being there to pay attention to the staff. Being in the building that employed Edward's parents wasn't something I knew about yet. The man that stuck the needle in my arm wasn't old enough to be Edward's father, and I briefly saw Dr. Sasha who I later learned is Tanya Denali's mother. I don't recall seeing Edward's parents, but maybe it was a Tuesday. "Is your mom a doctor too?"

"No, a physician assistant. What does your mom do?" he asks.

"Software training for a hotel software company. It used to be local, but then she got a position that required traveling, and I moved here, so I wasn't alone all the time." I wonder about the reasoning. I would have been alone all the time anyway.

"I like that you're here," he says, "but do you miss her?"

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I don't want to voice my first thought that I missed her even when she was in the same room. I missed the nurturing parent she never was. "I've gone back to visit a few times, so it's fine. She was never really home much anyway, so I'm used to not seeing her."

When I change the subject, he lets me. We talk a while about the friends I left behind in Phoenix and the ones he left in Chicago, but neither of us kept in contact with our former friends. The attachments weren't strong enough, causing me to question if they can even be considered friends.

"Okay," he says, and I can hear in his voice that this call is coming to an end. "Well, I should let you go to sleep. I won't be there to caffeinate you in the morning, so I'll be worried about you driving and everything."

"All right," I say even though I don't want to get off the phone. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight. Oh, and, Bella?"

"Yeah."

"Text me in the morning again if you want to."

"Okay," I say, not saying out loud how much that is something I really want to do.

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 **Author's Note:** How are we feeling now? Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews. If I didn't have so much editing to do on future chapters, I'd post more because there are so many of you that have me really excited to share this story. Even though I'm unable to post extra chapters, please know that your words are the push I need each day to keep editing and writing. Your thoughts are inspiring. Chapter 8 will be up next Wednesday and the teaser will be up on Facebook on Monday. My name there is Mylissa Denicks for anyone interested in teasers that hasn't added me yet.

Thanks to sri ffn and YourVixen for prereading and to dazzled eyes22 for her beta work. Some of these chapters I get mostly right the first time around and some go through so many versions, and they have been so amazing in helping me get everything to work.

Okay, leave me your thoughts, and I hope you'll be back to read ch 8 next Wednesday.

~M


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

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Skateboards whirl by as we sit on a bench just inside the fence that houses the concrete ramps. The boarders fly through the air, but they don't always land upright. I cringe every time I see blood dripping from their limbs, but they don't care. They just keep skating, dotting the cement with their life force.

We're not the only girls hanging around watching guys skate, but we have no known reason to be here, so we look like groupies.

"Isn't that Victoria over there?" I ask Alice. "Aren't you friends with her?"

"I don't know," Alice says. The long, thin chains dangling from her ears hit her shoulders when she shrugs. "I thought so, but she doesn't talk to me much, so it started feeling one-sided. I can take a hint, so I'm backing off."

It's a relief to hear her say that. She's not as far gone as I thought she might be.

Rose is on her phone, and Alice is too immersed in watching Jasper to notice me check mine.

I try to bite back my smile when a text from Edward comes in. _**Hey, what are you doing?**_

 _ **Being a skate-park groupie.**_

 _ **Aw,**_ he writes, but it has me thinking it might sound like there's someone here I'm watching.

 _ **Yeah,**_ I type. _ **If only there were someone here for me to look at.**_

 _ **How long are you going to be there?**_ he asks, flaring my excitement. Even if skating isn't his thing, I'd love to watch him really doing anything, even if he wants to do nothing.

 _ **Don't know. I have to be home by nine.**_

Alice sits up straighter and gasps. I set down my phone and look to where Jasper has fallen. Someone tries to help him up, but he shoves them away. He doesn't get up.

Under her breath, Alice is muttering, "Please, please, please."

He jumps to his feet as if nothing happened and straightens out his shirt. Alice relaxes. James rolls Jasper's board back over to him, hitting his new shoes.

"That was scary," I say to Alice and ask, "You okay?"

Alice nods. "Sorry. I'm being dramatic."

"No, I get it," I say, not from experience, but I know I'd be acting the same way if I were in her place.

"What'd I miss," Rose asks, and while Alice fills her in, I look back at my phone.

 _ **Can you meet me at 8:30?**_

I manage not to squeal. Alice, she would have squealed.

 _ **Meet where? I can try, but I didn't drive.**_

I look around at all the girls gawking at these guys and the ones who have pulled a few to the side after asking to be taught how to ride. If Edward comes here, he's going to get hounded.

My phone lights up with his reply. _ **Who are you with?**_

I look at the two girls seated with me on the bench. _**Alice and Rose.**_

 _ **Hold on**_ _,_ he texts.

Minutes tick by, and I have no clue how long I'm meant to hold on for.

On the bench that's on the other side of the skate park, two girls from school, Jessica and Angela, sit and watch the guys move around. Jessica is dressed as if she's going to a party or a club. She looks even more out of place next to Angela, who's wearing an oversized T-shirt and black-rimmed glasses. Angela twists the top off a water bottle and then holds it out. Her boyfriend, Ben, circles around the bench before stopping in front of her, kicking up his board as he does. He holds his board with one hand and takes the water bottle with the other.

"Relationship goals," Alice says. "Next time, I'm bringing a water bottle."

"Do you think she'll keep the bottle … like forever?" I ask as Ben leans down to kiss Angela before handing her the bottle he's nearly drained.

Rose laughs. "No, why would she keep it?"

I try to cover my embarrassment with a smile. "I don't know. I thought maybe that was a thing."

"I bet she does," Alice says. "Don't listen to Rose, Bella. I like the way you think."

"Oh, whatever," Rose pushes her hair behind her ears, revealing tiny star earrings. "If you-know-who threw away a water bottle, Alice would go get it out of the garbage."

I have to laugh because I can see her doing that. We're all silenced as Jasper skates past us. Even though we never say his name in public, we're careful not to let him hear what we're talking about.

As soon as he's out of earshot, Alice says, "Yeah, so I could recycle it. You guys, I am not that bad." She looks toward Jasper and then back at us. "He did leave a gum wrapper on a table in the cafeteria once."

"Alice, you did not," Rosalie says, her voice growing louder.

"Shh." Alice reaches her leg around mine and kicks Rose's shoe. "What do you think? Of course, I did. Still have it too."

As they bicker over the silliness of keeping trash, and even though I want to weigh the pros and cons of doing so, I check my phone instead. Edward asked me to meet up and then told me to hold on, and here I am, still holding on.

Alice tips her head to the side. "Okay. So, Bella… If you could kiss any guy right now, who would you pick? Like if you _had_ to pick?"

I roll my eyes, but Alice wouldn't be Alice if she didn't ask these questions.

"Celebrities count," Rose adds in, as if she's doing me a favor.

"Uh. Lame." Alice groans. "Fine. Celebrities count. Who do you pick?"

I look around, not hoping to choose one of the guys here, but hoping I can come up with a name, but my mind is blank. I shrug and let out a heavy breath. "I guess Cullen." I laugh because I can't believe I just said that.

"You and everyone else." Alice nudges my knee with hers. "That is such a copout answer."

"It is not." I give her a nudge right back.

"It is too." Alice sticks her tongue out at me like she's five.

Rosalie clears her throat. "Not if she means it. Do you mean it, Bella?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Fine." Alice cranks her neck to watch Jasper. "We'll go full-blown gaga over Cullen this weekend. I think we're going to stay at Rose's."

I roll my eyes at her sarcasm. I tried to tell her. It's not my fault she's not taking me seriously. I know everyone likes him, but I like-like him.

I look to Rose because I'm not staying at her house from Alice's invitation alone.

"Is that okay?" Rose asks.

I nod, the movement in time with the flicker of the tall lights illuminating the park. "Yeah, that'll be fun."

Alice's jaw drops before she tips her head back and laughs. Rosalie and I look at each other, both of us confused. I think Alice has gone mad.

Letting out another giggle, Alice composes herself. "Some dreams do come true. Maybe it's not mine tonight, but one of you ladies is about to be very happy very soon."

"What the hell, Alice?" Rosalie asks through her teeth.

Alice tightens her earrings. "Oh, you'll see."

"Evening, ladies," comes Emmett McCarty's voice from behind us.

Rosalie shoots Alice a warning look to which Alice puffs out her cheeks as if she's holding her breath.

"Hey, Emmett," I say, smiling at his presence as I try to figure out what Edward may have had planned.

"Nice night, huh?" Emmett asks, but his words aren't for the three of us. They're directed at Rosalie.

"Oh, it is," Alice says, "and it just keeps getting better. Do you skate? I've never seen you out here."

"Nope, just thought I'd see who was hanging out tonight." Emmett's dimples emerge as he speaks to Alice, but his eyes keep shifting to Rose.

"Well," Alice says as she scoots down the bench. "You're always welcome to hang out with us."

Alice tries to pull me toward her, but I shift toward Rosalie instead. Teasing her about Emmett is one thing, pushing her to sit by him is another.

"Awesome," he says, but before he can try to fit himself between Alice and me, Jessica Stanley has made her way over and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey, McCarty. Cullen coming out tonight too?"

Emmett reaches behind himself and scratches his back. "No, not tonight. Sorry."

"Oh, okay," Jessica says. Her four-inch heels bring her to just below his chin. "Well, I'm having a few friends over this weekend. Maybe the two of you could stop by."

"Yeah, maybe," Emmett says.

Jessica with a wistful smile I'm sure is from the thought of having Edward in her home finally walks away, letting the bottom of her heels scrape against the concrete with every step she takes.

I glare at the back of her head. I can't hold it against her that she likes Edward. It doesn't hurt for her to invite him to her place or even to let him know that she's interested, but he's made it clear that he isn't. What will it take for Cullen's admirers to get it? Does he need to be meaner? What is wrong with people? That night at Mike's when I offered the lap guarding, had he told me no, or to simply go away that would have been the end of it. It's a sad reality, but there's no way I would have seen it as a challenge.

Emmett squeezes in on the bench between Alice and me. "Yeah, that is so not going to happen," he says with his eyes trained toward where Jessica is rejoining her friend.

Miffed, Alice asks, "This Cracking Cullen game seriously goes so far that they try to use you?"

"Every damn day," Emmett says followed by a tick of his tongue.

It's not the time to point out that Alice tried the same thing with Victoria. The difference is Alice would have been genuine in wanting to know that girl had they clicked, but they hadn't, so she let the idea of their friendship go. I can imagine some of the lengths these girls might go to get Edward's attention and Emmett being frequently used in the process is really sad.

Alice huffs. "Well, you can always hang out with us—with or without Cullen. We don't care either way. Right, ladies?"

Rosalie waves her hand, still immersed with her phone. "Yeah, sure."

Emmett looks at me with one brow raised.

I smile. "Of course, yes. You or any of your friends, really. Whatever works. We don't play cracking games."

Emmett laughs. "Okay. Did you all drive together, or ..?"

"I drove us," Alice says.

"Oh, okay," Emmett says, pausing to watch a board go flying through the air with no one on it. "Bella lives right by me, so I don't know," he says to me. "Do you want a ride?"

"Oh, yeah sure." I lean forward and look at Alice. "I'll ride with him and then you can stay a little longer."

Alice holds a silent question in her eyes, but when I reassure her with a nod, she says, "Okay, cool."

"All right. You ready?" Emmett asks as he stands.

"Um … yes." I hesitate, feeling my departure might be too fast. I look at Alice. Giving her a hug right now makes sense, like a way to make a goodbye feel lighter and not as if I'm ditching them. "We could stay a little longer."

Alice shrugs. "Whatever you want. I'm glad you came out with us, but it's almost time to leave anyway."

"Okay," I say, still seeing the place where a hug would make sense, but not knowing how to initiate it. "Let me know if I miss anything."

When Emmett offers his hand to help me up, I take it, letting go as soon as I'm standing. While I say goodbye to both Alice and Rose, Rose's fingers frantically move across her phone, and she says bye without looking at me—maybe talking to her boyfriend as she tries not to crush on Emmett. She's been with Alec for over a year now, but the only time I hear her talk about him is when she says that she has a boyfriend, more as a reason for not being interested in anyone else.

Emmett holds back a moment, giving each girl an individual goodbye and a smile for Rose that makes her squirm when she glances up from her phone.

When we get to his Jeep, he opens my door and holds out his hand again.

"Thank you, sir," I say because all this helping me up feels silly, but I know he's just being nice, so I go along with it.

He bows his head, dimples on display with his grin, and says, "Anytime."

My phone has been silent since Edward told me to hold on. I don't know where Emmett's taking me. I don't ask. I just assume this is what I was holding on for.

"So, Bella," Emmett says as he drives away from the park. "You really up for hanging out with me without Cullen?"

"Sure. We're kind of hanging out now, right?"

"Sure," he says. "Kind of. You like him, though, huh? Like for real?" His eyes move from the road to me and back again as he questions me.

I know he was there the night of the party, providing us with his cures and being aware of how cozy Edward and I were when I was "guarding" him. I know Edward parked at his house the night he walked over to mine, and I know Emmett pointed me out to him in the hallway. I don't know what else he knows, though and what kind of information Edward would be comfortable with me discussing with his friend. The way I feel about Edward, though, that feels like my truth to tell.

"For real," I say, but it's a strange word to use to describe my feelings with as surreal as they are. It's a mind-boggling reality, but the truth of it is that the way I feel about Edward may feel like a dream, an alternate reality, or a fantasy, but nothing has ever felt more real.

"Thought so," Emmett says, as he flicks on his turn signal. "Otherwise, I wouldn't be playing taxi service right now."

I've never seen Edward purposely talk to anyone except for Emmett. I know about his friends in La Push, but here in Forks, Emmett is an awesome friend for him to have. "Well, I'm glad you are. If you ever need anything, I owe you one, or two really. If you hadn't helped me lighten up at the party, I don't think we'd be here right now."

"Nah," Emmett says. "We hang out at Mike's sometimes, but Cullen skips the parties." He shakes his head, laughing to himself as he taps the steering wheel. "We were there early that day, and it's no secret I have a crush on Rosalie, right? Mike was all, 'Alice Brandon and her friends are coming tonight,' and he knew of course, I was going to stay. Then Cullen says, 'Whatever, at least, those girls leave me alone. ' Then he says, 'The new girl broke up with that punk too, so maybe she's cool." Emmett chuckles. "He said he'd hang out awhile, but don't go thinking it'd be a thing, but Swan, I bet if you're there, it'll be a thing. So yeah, if you owe me one or two, then when he's making me join him in hiding from people, you could go where I want to go, and maybe he'll go too."

"Yeah, maybe I could do that." I know Edward said he's had a crush on me for a while but hearing that he was only at that party because I was going to be there and that I was single really puts this crush into perspective. It makes me wonder if things hadn't played out the way they had, if I hadn't drunk so much, but instead asked to watch TV with him, maybe even talked and eventually flirted, maybe, just maybe, he would have asked me out and we'd be dating now instead of sleeping together and sneaking around.

"Damn," Emmett says. "I probably wasn't supposed to say all that, but whatever, it's true and you should know, right? I mean, if he's going to ask me to pick you up and drop you off behind a dark building, then he can't be mad when I tell you he likes you."

"Right …" I say, wondering about this dark building situation as we turn into Newton Outfitters' empty parking lot. "He works here?" I ask. I don't come here often, but when an occasion calls for a gift for my dad, this is where I go. During those times, I was helped by Mike and don't recall seeing Edward, but I was oblivious back then.

"You'll have to ask him. I've already said too much."

When Emmett pulls around to the back of the building, it's really dark and makes me nervous. "You're not just going to drop me off back here, are you?"

Emmett laughs as he puts his Jeep in park. "I mean, it'd be cool if we all hang out sometime, but I'm not so sure Cullen's going to be as cool about having me around right now as you are."

The passenger door opens, startling me, but then Edward's standing right there. "Thanks, Em. You ready?" he asks me.

I undo my seatbelt. "Thanks for the ride."

"No," Edward says to Emmett. "Whatever you're thinking right now, do not say it." Edward reaches over me and turns the radio volume way up.

It's so loud I see Emmett laughing, but I can't hear him. Edward takes my hand and helps me down, closing the Jeep's door behind me.

"What was he going to say?" I ask, basking in the feel of Edward's hand in mine as he leads me toward his car. It's dark aside from the dim castoff of lighting coming from the parking lot around the front of the building.

Edward squeezes my hand. "No clue. Whatever it was, it was going to piss me off. He gets this look when he thinks he's about to say something funny."

Tires squeal, making me jump. I grasp Edward's arm with my free hand. The tires keep squealing, no doubt, creating black rubber rings in the empty parking lot.

Edward scoffs. "He's such a damn kid sometimes. He didn't drive like that with you, did he?"

"No," I say. The ride was smooth and safe, nothing like the antics Emmett has going on now.

"Good," he says.

We end up standing beside his car. The sound of Emmett's Jeep tapers off until it can no longer be heard. Newton's is on the edge of town. There's a gas station nearby, so we're not completely in a desolate area, but it feels like it.

Edward let's go of my hand and stands in front of me. My back meets the side of his car as he moves in closer. I don't move back because I want to get away, but because I need to brace myself before I let go and let whatever it is he does to me take over. His nose moves along my cheekbone. Our lips meet, and I feel my heart soar. I get lost just like I knew I would but better. At the feel of deepening kisses, I grasp his T-shirt just above his waist, clinging on for more.

"Sorry," he says, breaking our kiss. "I'm all sweaty. I didn't think about that."

"Don't care," I say, moving back toward his lips. "Pheromones, remember?"

"Yeah," he says as we reconnect with his body molding to my front as he presses against me. His car keeps me upright.

For a moment, I don't care where we are. Don't care to move from this spot. We could be anywhere as long as he keeps kissing me, but eventually, he suggests we get in the car.

He opens the passenger door for me and closes it once I'm inside. I don't say, "Thank you, sir," to him because maybe Emmett was being polite, but the way Edward guides me doesn't feel silly. It feels like something bigger.

"How long have you worked here?" I ask when he's sitting behind the steering wheel. I reach behind me, grab the seatbelt, pull it over my shoulder, and buckle it.

"For like a year or so." His hand moves to where the seatbelt is locked in place. "You want me to take you home now? We have like twenty minutes before we need to head that way."

I take a moment to truly take in our surroundings. My heart jumps in my chest at the idea of staying back here with him in the dark. It feels a little scary, a little dangerous, and almost like we're trespassing, but he works here, so maybe it's okay. Then again he could get fired, we could get arrested, or at least let off with a warning. So many reasons why this may not be okay run through my head, but what comes out of my mouth is "No, I want to stay. People at school don't know you work here, do they?"

He releases my seatbelt. "No, just Emmett, Newton, and now you."

I lift my leg and turn sideways in the seat. "You didn't want me to know, though. Why'd you change your mind?"

His hand moves to my knee, up my thigh, and squeezes. "Not telling you was just an impulse. I don't really want people to know, but it's you so..."

I close my eyes and nod, not liking that his impulse was to not tell me, but relieved that he did.

He laughs. "I had my friend steal you from yours, so I could see you for a few minutes. Were they pissed? What'd you say to them?"

I move my hand up his arm, feeling goosebumps form under my fingers. "They didn't seem to care. They got to stay longer, so hopefully that makes up for it. Emmett just told them he'd take me home since I live so close."

One hand still high up on my thigh, he brings his other hand up to my face and pulls on my lower lip with his thumb. "Which skater brings you out there anyway?"

Shaking my head, I say, "I'm not in the business of telling other people's secrets." I give his arm a light pinch. "Anyway, hey, you call me the new girl?"

He laughs the humorous one at first, but then it slows, transforming into that nervous chuckle I haven't heard from him in a while. He cups the back of my neck and guides me forward until our faces are meeting above the armrest between us. "That might have been a thing before."

"Not anymore?" I ask, wanting to hear him say it—that I was the new girl back when my world was so separate I didn't see him around. That's not my life anymore. That's not who I am. I'm so far removed from a life with him not in my world.

"Not anymore," he says, sealing it with a kiss that keeps going and going with just a pause here and there to keep an eye on the time that's dwindling.

.

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* * *

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A/N: Hi! Thanks so much for reading.

Thanks to YourVixen and sri ffn for prereading and dazzled eyes22 for her beta work. I'm so grateful for all of their honest feedback and suggestions.

I'm still posting teasers on Mondays on Facebook: Mylissa Denicks. Thanks to everyone that's added me there. Are we seeing the teasers? Should I keep posting them?

I'm anxious to know your thoughts on the chapter. Ch 9 will be up next Wednesday.

I hope everyone on the east coast stays safe.

~M


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclosure: I do not own Twilight.**

 **.**

Rosalie. Rosalie. Rosalie. I pick a wire chain bracelet I already have made, but I don't know what to add to it. A bracelet makes the most sense. She always wears a necklace she got from Alec, a simple chain with a heart pendant. The earrings she wears are small, smaller than any I could make. I've decided to give the leaf earrings to Alice. She likes nature and taking care of it, so the earrings make way more sense to give to her than to give to my mom. My mom doesn't really care about anything unless it involves gossiping or relaxing, so I'm not sure why I'd considered her for the earrings in the first place.

I have a case of different colored glass beads and charms, but I don't know Rosalie well enough to know what she'd like. She does Pilates and random diet fads she doesn't need, but those aren't things I can represent on a bracelet. I don't even know her favorite color. I do know that she doesn't like swimming or bodies of water in general. She skips out on trips to the pool, beach, or lakes in the way that I tended to skip out on activities that involved socializing. Her water aversion only helps me eliminate a few things, but that doesn't help me much. None of my charms center on makeup, so that's out.

There's a knock on my door. My dad was in his bedroom when Edward dropped me off, so I haven't seen him since I left for the skate park after dinner.

"About ready for bed?" he asks when I open the door.

"Almost," I say.

He stands just outside my room, as if he's a vampire that can't cross the threshold without being invited in. I don't go in his room either, so I guess it's not that weird. He looks over my head toward the array of stuff spread out on my desk. "Got another project going on?"

"Kind of."

Bracing his arms on my door frame, he asks, "Alice drove you to the skate park, but who dropped you off here?"

He has a knowing smirk, so this doesn't feel like one of those times where parents want to know who you're with and where. I look down, trying to hide the blush at being caught as I shrug.

"Oh, you forgot already, huh? Can you at least tell me this boy you're seeing is a teen? You didn't meet him on one of those apps or something?"

"No," I say, tilting my head back and groaning. "I don't do that kind of stuff. You know that. He goes to my school, so don't worry."

"Maybe you could invite him in some time."

I nod because I'd be okay with that meeting-parents thing eventually even if Edward isn't yet and may never be, but I don't know how long my dad is going to be okay with waiting. I probably should have hidden this from him better.

With a ruffle of my hair, he says, "Goodnight, kid."

His laugh is immediate when my phone rings from where it's resting on my bed and my own word of goodnight comes out hurried.

"Hello," I say after accepting the call.

"Hey," Edward says. "Did I call too early or too late? Is now okay?"

"Now is perfect." I sit back down at my desk, hoping to finish my task even though I'm ready to spend the rest of the night wrapped up in a conversation with Edward under my blankets. My friends are important, and I did kind of ditch them earlier. "I'm giving those earrings to Alice, so I'm trying to customize a bracelet for Rose, but I can't figure out what to put on it."

"Hmm," he says. "What kind of stuff do you have?"

I run my hands over the variety of options as I list them. "Different colored beads and charms. A dream catcher or a star will work, but those seem like generic things anyone might like."

"Maybe," he says. "I don't really know that girl, but I hear about her all the damn time. Mostly about how she eats, so I don't know if that helps."

"Like what?" I ask, not sure what to think of others scrutinizing her eating habits.

"Random things," Edward says. "Like she arranges her food before she eats, so Em thinks she's organized, and she does this dotting her napkin thing to the corners of her mouth. Em talks about her like she's a princess. I tell him to shut up about her because she's still with whatever his name is, isn't she?"

"Alec, yeah."

"Yeah," Edward says. "He should stop, but he won't because he says, 'She's so damn perfect.' That's all I know about her, though. Just put a rose on it."

That seems a little too obvious, but I look anyway, loving that he's trying to help me. "The only flower I have is a daisy."

"Close enough," he says.

"Not even." I laugh at his suggestion.

"What?" he asks, raising his voice. "Babe, I'm trying to help you. Let me help you."

My hand covers my mouth as if the breath I'm holding will come out. How am I supposed to be coherent with him calling me that? "You are," I say, managing to hold my voice steady. "But let's pick something else."

"Okay," he says, speaking as if he hadn't just said something that caused my room to go spinning. "Tell me something about her."

I try to think of anything I can pertaining to Rosalie. Her boyfriend is Alec, and Alice is her closest friend. She has blonde hair, and most things she eats, she tears up into tiny pieces.

"I have something, maybe," I say recalling the few times I've been to Rosalie's house. "She has a parrot. She does this thing where she puts a cracker in her mouth and lets the parrot take it with its beak."

He laughs. "I know someone who would think that's cute as hell. Do you have a parrot to put on it?" he asks.

I look through my charms, but the only bird I find is an owl. "No, but I have a charm with feathers."

"Do that," he says.

"Okay." I start opening the ring to attach it, hoping she'll like it.

"What's the bird's name?" he asks.

"Oh, um. I'm not sure." I try to recall, but the thing is, I never thought to ask her. "She just says, 'Hey, pretty, pretty.'" My voice rises to an embarrassing pitch as I try to mimic Rosalie's tone.

He chuckles. "Send me a picture of the bracelet when it's done."

Adding the charm is easy. I send him the picture and crawl into bed.

"Hey?" he says like he wants to tell me something.

"Yeah?"

"Never mind," he says with sudden shyness in his voice.

"No, tell me." I'll probably beg him to say what he wanted to say all night if I have to.

He's quiet a moment before he says, "I liked stealing you away tonight. Are you going to let me do it again?"

He might have been hesitant in telling me, but I'm quick to say, "Yes."

Talking to him on the phone under my covers is one of my new favorite things, coming in second to actually being with him physically.

.

.

There's something about Edward Cullen that prompts me into a sleep-inducing bliss. Before he was a part of my life, sleep meant tossing and turning all night. Maybe a random, late phone call on those insomnia nights might have been an appreciated distraction, but tonight the sound of my phone is an unwelcome awakening.

I groan as I feel for my phone on my nightstand without opening my eyes. Once it's in my hands, I peek at it through the one eye that's willing to open a sliver. "Not now," I say as Jake's name lights up my screen.

Two A.M. wakeup calls aren't really his thing and that alone gives me the push to answer it as the feeling descends: this call is different.

.

.

.

"Jake," I say as I accept the call and push myself to sit up, preparing for bad news.

The silence on the other end of the line is interrupted by a sniffle.

"What's going on?" I ask, shoving the blankets off my legs.

"It's just my dad. You know how he gets, but it's been good for so long." His breath is heavy against the speaker. "Tonight was just … he just finally passed out, and I don't know why the hell I'm calling you. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay." I lean back against my pillows. "What happened? Was he mean or did he hurt himself or something?" I've never witnessed Billy Black's anger, but I've heard it from the other end of the phone a few times.

"Nothing like that," Jake says, his voice soft and grave. "He was crying a lot, and Bella, I've never seen him cry before. He was talking about everyone abandoning him, and he thinks eventually I'll abandon him. He got mad when I said I wasn't going anywhere, so I don't know what the hell he wants from me. It's so messed up that you're the one I'm calling right now. Seriously, Bella. I'm sorry to lay this on you."

There was a time when Jacob Black was my safe place, and I was his, but it's different now. There are boundaries, and if I'm not careful, he'll try to squash them.

"Jake, don't be sorry. It's fine that you called. You're not alone in this. Do you need me to wake up my dad? He'll go out there. I'm sure of it. Anytime you need."

"Yeah." Jake lets out a humorless laugh. It's the sound of the guy who has a tendency of going off on me for breaking up with him. "We'll be all right. Let Charlie sleep."

"Are you sure?" I ask. "He won't mind. I swear. You shouldn't be alone."

"No. No. We'll be all right. You know Sue Clearwater? She was Harry's wife. She's been helping out around here a lot, so I'll let her know. Don't worry about it. Goodnight."

"Okay," I say, wanting to offer more, but there's nothing I can offer that feels right. "Goodnight."

He says, "I love you," just before ending the call, giving me no time to negate the words.

Going back to sleep isn't an easy fall.

.

.

 _Charlie's La Push friends were set up outside, sitting on two side-by-side picnic tables with chipped red paint. A woman, whose long plum dress swayed around her ankles, set two platters filled with something fried on a card table. Funny, I thought as a young, shirtless boy shuffled cards over on the picnic table while the card table held the food._

" _Sue," Charlie said to the woman, who smiled when she noticed us coming toward the group. "This is Bella."_

" _Bella," she said, reaching out and giving both my shoulders a squeeze. Several metal bracelets jangled from both her wrists. "So glad you made it out. How are you settling in?"_

" _Good," I said, and maybe it was true. Every day, I got a little more used to being in Forks._

" _Yeah, real good," Charlie said. "We picked her out a new bedding set and everything."_

 _I smiled, confused at that. I hadn't realized the choice was an accomplishment, but he looked really proud of it, so I said, "Yeah, it's really great."_

 _Charlie's friends were full of smiles and greetings, but to my relief, they stayed in their seats and didn't try to shake my hand or hug me. When I met the Clearwater's daughter, Leah, she stood there with her arms crossed and her scowl set as she muttered, "Hey."_

 _I could tell she was pretty despite the scowl, maybe she'd be beautiful if she smiled. She had a shape and fullness to her eyebrows that Alice always strived for. If Alice were here, she would have complimented them, but I only noticed because Alice was my friend. Really, I didn't care about eyebrows, so all I said to Leah was, "Hey."_

 _The adults continued on around us as if we were meant to consort with each other, and we were no longer apart of the larger group. I had a few false starts of looking up at her and trying to find words, but with the potential for those words being nice eyebrows, I kept my mouth shut. She didn't speak to me. I didn't speak to her. We just stood there without a word._

" _Bella," was called, causing me to turn toward the familiar voice._

" _Jake." My feet moved forward, putting distance between me and the girl who didn't seem to want me there and closing the distance between myself and the boy who did._

" _Grab a plate and let's get out of here." He handed me a paper plate and grabbed one for himself. "Hey, Lee, you want to come?"_

 _Leah shot him a glare even colder than the one she'd given me. "Our parents might be friends, Black, but you're still my enemy."_

" _All right, cool," Jake said as he piled food onto both our plates. "If you get over that in the next hour or two, come find us. I'm taking this desert girl down to the beach."_

 _She rolled her eyes and turned around but didn't walk away as if stubbornness held her to her spot. Despite not liking the present company, she refused to move. I was moving and ready to go. Had I known these trips out here would involve the beach with Jake, I would have agreed to come out sooner._

 _As Jake continued to load both our plates, I wanted to protest that I couldn't eat that much food, but as I looked at all the fried foods and sweets he was providing me with, I had no desire to stop him. It'd be a shock to my system after all the health food, but it'd be worth it._

" _Heading out and stealing Bella. Bye," Jacob called out._

 _I waved at Charlie and hurried after Jake, trying to be quick so Charlie wouldn't have the chance to ask me to hang around._

 _Charlie called out, "Have fun," and when I looked back, the smile on his face looked sort of amused and proud._

 _As we walked toward the beach, there was a group in the distance, hanging out in front of a small store. Someone called Jake's name, but he ignored them._

" _What's all that about?" I asked him as I tried to keep up with his steps that sped up the moment we heard his name._

" _That enemy thing Leah was talking about. They just want to mess with me. Just pretend they're not there, and they'll stop, but two of those guys go to your school. They might decide you're an enemy too."_

" _That's okay. I don't care about any guys at my school," I said, catching sight of one of the guys, whose bulky frame was even larger than Jake's, before I looked away and avoided turning their way when they said Jake's name again. We just kept walking toward the sandy beach and the rolling waves._

.

.

Parking lot.

Flagpole.

Keep an eye out for Jasper Whitlock.

Go to Alice's locker.

Go to Rosalie's and then mine.

Keep an eye out for Jasper Whitlock.

That was my morning's normal straightforward routine. Now I'm scanning the parking lot for silver paint and when I find it, I'm texting Edward. _**You're always here before me.**_

 _ **Sorry**_ is his response. _**You probably take longer to get ready.**_

 _ **Maybe**_ _._ I respond back, even though my spending more time on my appearance lately is only adding a few minutes to my morning. The truth is, I've never seen the point in getting here any earlier than I needed to be. Rose and Alice are consistently here early despite the time they take primping themselves. I look around at the different groups who hang out in front of the school and wonder how many of them get here early just to see Edward Cullen arrive.

I'm momentarily jealous that other girls may have had a chance to admire him today, but they don't matter as I start texting him again. Maybe they're texting him too, but I highly doubt that he's answering any of them. _**I'm about to give them the jewelry. Wish me luck.**_

 _ **Good luck,**_ he replies. _**But you don't need it.**_

I take his words and step out of my truck. My backpack feels heavy with all that extra metal in it. I lay it on the seat and pull out the jewelry pieces I gift wrapped with tissue paper. If I leave them in my bag, there's a good chance they'll stay in there as I won't find the nerve to get them out.

I'm being ridiculous. I just texted Edward Cullen as if it was as easy and routine as pouring cereal, yet here I am nervous about giving these gifts to my friends, the two girls I spend most of my time with. This shouldn't be so hard, but I'm having to focus on my breathing and putting one foot in front of the other as I make my way toward them.

"We were just talking about you," Alice says, as if her words are part of a song.

"Why?" I ask in an equally high voice, but less song-like.

"Because I'm betting you got some inside information about how a certain chauffeur of yours may feel about a certain friend of ours." She waggles her shoulders up and down, drawing my eyes to the teardrop silver hoops adorning her ears today.

I tighten my fists around the jewelry pieces, not tight enough to misshapen them, but tight enough to know I regret bringing them. They'd do nicely in a box bound for Phoenix as filler for a booth that sells things of actual quality. Jodie is very crafty. "I bet you're right," I admit.

Rosalie covers her ears. "Do not tell me. I do not want to know."

"Oh, please," Alice says and starts walking the first few steps toward the school.

Rose drops her hands and moves to follow, but I stay where I am and blurt out, "Wait, I made something. I thought maybe …" I hand them the wrapped items. "Have these."

The packaging is off in an instant. Alice grabs Rosalie's paper and shoves it in her pocket, no doubt to recycle it.

"You did not make these," Alice says. "For real? I'm going to wear these like right now. Can you hold them a second?" she asks, and when I do, she takes off the earrings she's wearing and shoves them into the side pocket on her backpack.

"The feathers are so cute," Rose says as she attempts to put it on with one hand. "Purdy is going to be jealous. Either that or she'll try to eat it. Do you think she'll be able to break it?"

"I don't think so." I reach over and help her with the clasp as I commit her bird's name to memory. Her calling her pretty makes more sense now.

She looks at it and nods, her hand going up to where her necklace usually sits. Usually—it's not there now. "Thanks. I love it."

"Me too. Me too," Alice says, the earrings now on and despite them being smaller than her other ones, they still look big enough to suit her style. "Can I hug you?" She gives me a sheepish smile.

I return the smile and nod, expecting a hug as timid as our smiles, but Alice's arms lock around my waist and mine wrap around hers. She squeezes, surpassing the tightness of Edward Cullen hugs. I'm not sure I'll want to walk the halls arm in arm anytime soon, but a few moments of an Alice squeeze is something I don't mind.

"Okay, let her go," Rosalie says. When Alice lets me go, Rosalie steps in, hugging me as well. One of her arms goes over my shoulder and the other goes around my waist. It's a slight embrace and then it's over.

They both thank me and admire each other's jewelry. I pull out my phone when I feel it vibrate in my pocket.

It's a text from Edward. _**See, I knew you wouldn't need it.**_

I look around until I spot him looking at me from the band room window. One smile, and he's gone, but my smile is still in place long after I'm out of sight of the window.

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Author's Note: Thank so much for reading! I'd love to know your thoughts on the chapter.

Thanks to sri ffn and YourVixen for prereading and dazzled eyes22 for her beta work. All three are amazing and so helpful.

So, I hate to do this, but I've decided to not post next week, skipping one week so I can focus on editing the next handful of chapters without rushing them. So chapter 10 will post October 3rd. I will, however, post a teaser for chapter 10 on Monday and another small one the following Monday. Teasers are on my Facebook page: Mylissa Denicks.

RIP Judyblue95. I'll always appreciate our thought-provoking interactions. You taught me so much in those early days when I first started posting. This fandom will miss you. This fandom already misses you.

~M


	10. Chapter 10

*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

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With the jewelry gone, my backpack feels lighter. As we walk through the halls, I smile every time I see Alice's earrings sway—they're long enough to sway—and every time I see the gleam of Rosalie's bracelet when she brings her hand up to her collar, an action she's been repeating all morning.

We've had two Jasper sightings already, one outside with his hat on and one inside with hat hair as he held his hat in his hands. He didn't try to fluff it out or anything, just left it matted against his head.

Rosalie closes her locker without a sound. "Yours next, Bella?"

"Yeah," I say and we head that way. I don't really need anything from my locker, but the other day there was a note in it, so I can't pass up the chance to check if there's one in there again. I think my crush on Edward may be reaching levels that surpass the extremes of Alice's crush on Jasper.

The journey to my locker brings about another Jasper sighting where he doesn't acknowledge our existence. I don't know if this bothers Alice, or if it's just expected. There could be someone else around that may have a crush on her that she's not noticing. I look around, but I can't pinpoint anybody. My crush on Edward Cullen didn't start until he acknowledged me at the party, but then again, he already had a crush on me. Am I the Jasper in this situation? If Alice just talks to Jasper, maybe it will open his eyes.

We pass by Angela and Ben walking hand and hand through the halls. Back when I had a boyfriend, we didn't walk around holding hands. I never wanted to, but they look so content, and I know now how nice it feels to hold Edward's hand. I have to pull my vision away to stop myself from staring at them.

My locker is empty. Well, it's not empty. It has a few things in it, but nothing new. I brush off my disappointment as I close the door. I'm being greedy. I should put a note in his locker, but he probably gets so many that he wouldn't even notice it.

Alice spins my lock once the door is closed, scrambling the combination, so someone can't walk by and open it. "Seems McCarty is taking us up on our hang-out-anytime offer. Don't worry, Rose. You don't have to say anything. I've got this."

I look up and see both Edward and Emmett heading our way. Edward's hood is up, but as he gets closer, he pulls it down. We get locked in a stare as he keeps moving toward me. For a moment, it's as if nothing else exists but the two of us. It'll feel like a bucket of ice water thrown on me, if anyone stops him. I've definitely surpassed Alice's crush levels as I study him: his walk, his loose-fitting jeans, and the skater shoes he's been wearing all week. Rosalie's sharp intake of air breaks me from my stupor.

"It'll be okay," I say to her. "Alice is right. You don't have to talk to Emmett, not if you don't want to. He has a crush. He's not trying to crack you."

She takes a few deep breaths. "Yeah, you're right. I'm good. How 'bout you?"

She's referring to Cullen and my crush on him. I love that we're acknowledging it now. "I'll manage," I say, but when he's in front of me, I go mute. What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do?

"Hi, guys," Alice says, standing taller and moving to stand right in front of them. She appears the boldest of our trio, albeit, if Jasper were with them, it'd be a different story, but I'm grateful for her lead. Edward and I at school is new territory. I don't know if this is the next step in the relationship we're building, or if it's just Emmett liking Rosalie and taking Alice up on her offer to hang out.

"Hey." Emmett messes with the straps on his backpack.

Alice nudges me. "Look who's here," she says.

If Edward didn't already know I like him, he'd be getting a pretty big hint right now.

Edward smiles at me, but then he says to Alice, "Cool earrings."

"I know, right?" She moves her hair and tilts her head, giving him a better view. "Bella made them."

"Really?" Emmett asks, gaze zeroing in on her ears.

Rosalie extends her arm out. "She made this too."

Emmett eyes the piece in bewilderment. "Can you make me one?"

I shrug as a smile tugs at my lips at his request. It's a first for me, except for my mom's request for jewelry to sell, but that doesn't count. "Sure, let me see your wrist."

He holds his arm out, and I try to measure it with my hands and commit the measurement to memory.

"Geez, McCarty," Alice says. "I bet one of your wrists is bigger than both of mine."

As Alice presses her wrists together and compares them with Emmett's, Edward fiddles with the lock on my locker. "What's your combination?"

I lean against the locker next to mine and ask him, "Why?"

"I don't know." He smirks. "You gonna tell me?"

I laugh and push my fingers through my hair. "Seven—"

"Hey, Cullen," a female voice interrupts us.

Edward smacks his head against my locker twice.

"Hi, Heidi," Emmett says to our interrupter and looks to Edward and says, "Dude, don't be rude."

"Hey," Edward says with just a tilt of his head as if he's throwing the word over his shoulder, but he's still looking at me. His tone softens as he asks, "What's the rest?"

"So, Cullen," Heidi says, not acknowledging the rest of us. "Are you going to Jessica's this weekend?"

As Emmett says, "No, we're not going to make it to that," I try to ignore Heidi as well and tell Edward, "Thirty-four, sixteen."

"What are you doing instead?" she asks, directing her question to the back of Edward's head.

"For real?" Rosalie asks. "What's your deal? Do you not see us talking to him? Isn't there a girl code or something that says do not talk to Cullen if another girl is already talking to him?"

"I don't know, is there?" Heidi asks, bringing her hand up to grip her opposite arm. Her suntanned skin is the color mine was expected to be when I moved here from Phoenix. How someone managed such a tan in Forks, I don't know.

Edward is quick to nod as he looks at her for the first time since she approached, and says, "Yeah, I think so, but it also says don't talk to him at all, so …"

Her lips part in a horrified expression. "Okay, well, I didn't come over here to talk you anyway." She turns her shoulders, so she's facing me. "Bella, can I talk to you?"

"Oh, um." I'm taken aback for a moment. I don't want to talk to her, and I don't want to leave Edward, either.

"It'll just take a second," she says.

"Yeah, sure," I give Edward a glance, hoping he can read the apology in my smile and the annoyance in my eyes, but he looks away. His lips set into a straight line. My stomach tightens as I follow Heidi several feet down the hall. I have every intention of making this fast and getting back to my locker.

"Sorry about all that," she says. "I really did want to talk to you, but then he was just there, and I've never had the chance to talk to him before. I was pathetic, wasn't I? Be honest. Was I pathetic?"

"Yeah, kinda," I say because she asked me to be honest, but I could have been even more truthful and told her that I've seen and heard worse. Her attempt at talking to him was fairly mild. I can't be mad at her for greeting him and asking about his weekend plans, but it's hard not to lump her with my view of so many other girls in this school.

"I don't know why I did that." She laughs, but it tapers off awkwardly when I don't join in. "I'm not even going to Jessica's. I have a date, but it was the only thing I could think to say."

I'm laughing now with a scoff thrown in as I think about what Edward's said about these girls not actually liking him. "Wow. Okay, well, I need to get back. What'd you need?"

I'm trying to be nice, but my patience is running out. Edward Cullen is hanging out with my friends at my locker. I should be over there.

"It's just that none of my friends are in our English class, and we're supposed to choose partners for the next project, so I thought—"

"That I don't have any friends in that class, either," I say before she can say it herself.

She wrings her hands together. "Yeah, did you already have a partner in mind?"

"No," I say.

"Will you be my partner? Please? I'll do anything." Her face is pouty. "I'll beg."

"No, don't," I say when she starts lowering to her knees. "Get up. I'll be your partner."

She takes a deep breath and stands back up. "Great, okay. Well, see you in English."

"Bye," I say and go back to my locker, but Emmett and Edward are gone.

"That was weird. What'd she want?" Alice asks.

"A partner for that English project," I say, but my focus is on Edward's absence. The space he occupied in front of my locker is now occupied by Alice and Rosalie, but I still see it as if it were a gaping hole of where he used to be, but my friends continue on as if he'd never been here at all.

"Oh, we have to do that too," Alice says to Rose. "You're my partner, right? You didn't mean it last time when you said you weren't working with me again."

Rosalie laughs and fiddles with her bracelet. "We'll see, Alice. We'll see. You are impossible to work with."

Alice looks at me, and I don't know how I look to cause the worry on her face. "Are you all right?" she asks.

"Yeah, fine," I say, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling. "Did something happen while I was gone."

Alice looks at the ground and shrugs.

"Alice, what?" I ask.

She sighs and lifts her head. The earrings I gave her dangle near the back of her jawline. "It's just … Are you sure there's no one else you could like because I'm pretty sure the only way he's going to talk to any of us is if we don't have a thing for him? I mean … you can pretend you don't, but I don't want you to get friend zoned, either."

"Oh, thanks." I turn to Rose. "But what happened?"

"Well, you left and then Cullen pointed at Emmett and said he quits and not to make him hang out in the halls anymore before he walked off," Rose says.

"Okay," I say and nod. "Emmett left too?"

Rosalie looks away like she can't talk about Emmett any more than she already has, but Alice says, "Yeah, he said to tell you bye, though."

The bell rings, and I walk with discontented steps to class. It was amazing having Edward there, but then he just left, just like that. I check my phone before I get to class in case he sent me something after he took off, but he didn't.

In English, Tanya, Zafrina, and Siobhan convince the teacher to let them work in a group of three, and I'm way more annoyed about it than I should be because who do they think they are? Heidi switches seats, so she's sitting next to me. The desk legs screech against the floor as she pushes it flush against mine. I'd thought I'd been getting better at being close to people, but having her sitting so close beside me has me feeling like the walls are caving in.

She's brainstorming ideas for our project. Compared to the trio with their constant schemes, Heidi doesn't seem so bad, but now when I think about it, it doesn't matter what she said to Edward, her motives were the same as everyone else's.

"Hey, Bella. You okay?" Heidi asks.

I shake out of my daze as I realize my gaze is locked on the back of the blonde one's head. "I'm fantastic," I say, but when she smiles at my words, I'm pretty sure she didn't catch my sarcasm.

"Sorry about earlier. I didn't know you were friends with Cullen. Are you friends with him? Or are you just trying to… you know?"

The thought of that being why I was speaking to Edward is vile. "We're friends, yeah. I would never …" I want to say I'd never try to crack him, but in their reality, if they knew about Edward and me, they'd think that I'd done it—achieved this impossible feat that so many have set out on. "He doesn't like that, you know? This cracking game… It's harassment."

She sets her pencil down in a perfect horizontal line on the center of her paper. "I never thought about it like that. Should I apologize?"

"No," I say, softening my tone. "I think you should just leave him alone."

"Okay. No problem. I'll leave him alone." She lifts her pencil and slides her paper my way. "Do you like any of my ideas?"

I take her pencil and circle one.

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Standing outside of our English class, Heidi and I exchange phone numbers and email addresses. "Can I take a picture of you to save with your number?" she asks.

"No, I'd rather not," I say, because it's an odd custom, and although I hate my picture being taken in general, this girl is not my friend. She doesn't need my picture.

"Okay, that's fine. I'll text you, and we can talk about our outline. Maybe we can meet at the library one night."

"Maybe," I say then think, _Or maybe not_. "Let's see what we can get done in class first."

Rosalie calls my name, and I give Heidi a hasty goodbye.

"Thanks for the save," I say as I fall into step beside her.

"Yeah, sure, anytime." Rose looks around before leaning in closer and whispers, "Hey, when you and Alice come over, could you come over earlier, maybe like a half an hour before she plans to get there? I need to talk to you about something."

"I can do that," I say, trying to judge her frame of mind. She looks nervous, but I have no idea why. "What's going on?"

"It's nothing bad. I just want to ask you about a few things."

"Okay, then I'll be there early."

Rose gives me a tight-lipped smile, and says, "Awesome. See you later."

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By lunch, I haven't seen nor heard from Edward and Alice is enjoying the attention of being asked about her Cullen friendship a little too much for my liking.

"I don't get why everyone's asking you about him," Rosalie says as she pulls the crust off her veggie sandwich. "Bella and I were there too."

I'm listening to them. I am—even if I'm not a part of their conversation. Emmett's in the lunch line, and Edward's not with him. I don't expect him to be, but wherever Emmett heads next is probably where Edward is. I wonder if this is how the cracking girls track him. The last thing I want is to be like them, but as I watch Emmett, I consider following him.

Alice says, "I may be shorter than you two, but I have a large presence."

"Or huge earrings." Rosalie scoffs. "Oh, sorry, Bella."

I hear her, but my attention is focused on Emmett as he reaches the front of the line. I need to see if he's getting one meal or two. He's big enough to eat two himself, but if he gets two, one might be for Edward and then, I might just follow him.

"Bella," Rosalie says, raising her voice and breaking my focus from Emmett, but just before I turn, I catch sight of a lunch tray in each of his hands.

"The earrings, right. Yeah, I know they're big. It's fine. They're not as big as the ones she likes, so there's that too."

Alice touches the wire leaves. "That is not true. I love them."

"Okay, but next time I'll make you bigger ones." She perks up at that, but instead of talking about what she might like, I ask, "What have you been saying to people when they ask you about, you know, _him._ "

"Oh." Alice sets down the homemade cookie she'd just pulled out of a reusable container. "If being friends with McCarty means Cullen will be around and possibly be our friend too, I feel like I've basically signed a non-disclosure agreement. When they ask, I give them a look like this …" She tilts her head to the side and lifts a brow. "And then I walk away, or if I'm in class, I say, 'No comment.' I hope you ladies agree and do the same."

Rosalie dabs at her mouth with a napkin in the way Edward told me Emmett's observed. "That's fine. I don't plan on talking about him, but really, Al, I'm pretty sure they aren't going to be hanging out with us."

"Always such a downer." Alice breaks her cookie in half, takes a bite, and chews it before asking me, "You agree, right?"

"Yeah, of course," I say, because apparently, I'm a pro at keeping things to myself.

As Emmett leaves the cafeteria, I almost get up to follow him, but then I don't. He didn't look our way once, and I'm feeling significantly avoided. I haven't seen Edward since this morning in any of the places I've come to expect to see at least a glimpse of him between classes. It has me wondering if he didn't leave because of Heidi, but because I talked to her. He should know by now that I'm nothing like the girls he deals with at school, but if he's questioning that, I need to talk to him. I get out my phone and hold it under the lunch table. I find the log of texts I've shared with Edward and add another message. _**Can I talk to you?**_

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 _ **Author's Note:**_

Hi, thanks for reading and being understanding with me skipping a week.

Chapter 11 will be up next Wednesday and a teaser will be up on Facebook on Monday: Mylissa Denicks.

So much thanks to sri ffn and YourVixen for prereading and dazzled eyes22 for betaing. I appreciate you all so much!

For those interested in the Babies at the Border Compilation, if you haven't submitted your donation reciept, Friday is the last day to get that in. I'm actually going to go do that right after I post this!

~M


	11. Chapter 11

***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

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I find the log of texts I've shared with Edward and add another message. _**Can I talk to you?**_

He doesn't answer right away. I bite off a large chunk of my bagel and eat with hurried chews as I fill the gap in time. If he doesn't respond, I don't know what I'll do, but I won't sit here and pout. I'll have to come up with a plan. Going out the door Emmett left through would be a good first step.

My phone buzzes. I flip it over, reading it before the vibration stops.

 _ **Band room?**_

My fingers fly over the letters, telling him I'm on my way. I shove the rest of my bagel in my mouth and gather my things. "Bathroom," I say to Rosalie and Alice, but with my mouth full, it's hard to distinguish if what I've said is bathroom or band room, so it's almost, maybe, as if I haven't just lied to them.

Rosalie gives me a funny look, but it's brief. Alice has Jasper in her sights, so she only acknowledges me with a nod because crushes make people oblivious. Edward has made me oblivious to everything else more than once, so I leave her to her obsession to go meet mine.

There's no straight path out of the cafeteria, but I make it through the maze by sidestepping chairs as their occupants push back away from the tables. I step over backpacks but pause before stepping over Eric Yorkie who is sprawled out on the floor, apparently sleeping. I look up to the group of his friends sitting around the table beside him, all looking half asleep.

When my eyes land on Tyler, who I've heard has recently ended things with Lauren…again, he laughs. "Just step on him, Bella. He deserves it for staying up past his bedtime."

Eric snorts but doesn't open his eyes. "You're such a sore loser, Ty."

"I am not." Tyler throws a piece of bread, but it misses. Eric's eyes are closed, so he didn't even know it happened. "Rematch, tonight."

"Sorry, Bella," Eric says, as he lifts his head off the floor, so I can squeeze by without stepping on or over him.

I laugh as I pass but leave before I hear anymore. Boys can be so odd sometimes.

I have to stop at a water fountain on the way to the band room, so I can actually speak once I see Edward. Filling my mouth with bread wasn't a good idea.

I've never been in the band room, but I know where it is. There's a line of students outside of the door every morning with instruments in hand, waiting to be let in.

Standing outside the door, I can't see in. There's a piece of paper blocking the narrow window. I open the door anyway because I don't want to wait.

He's the only one in the room, but even if he weren't, I know he'd be the only one I'd see. He's sitting on the teacher's desk in the corner with a lunch tray right beside him. His hoody is off and by his side. This is a good sign. He wears that thing when he's hiding. He's standing and walking toward me the moment the door closes behind me.

"I'm sorry," we both say at the same time.

"Wait." He takes both my hands. "Why are you sorry?" he asks and presses a kiss to my forehead.

"Because I went with that Heidi girl after she tried to play that game on you?" I ask, as the theory falls apart at the sound of his confusion. "I should have told her to go away, yelled at her or something, and stayed with you."

He gives me a slight smile, and I want to kiss him, but that's not new. I'd kiss him all the time if I could, but I really like talking to him too.

"It's okay. You're not as mean as I can be. I get it," he says, "but I shouldn't have brought all that on you." He lets go of my hands and places his on the back of my neck. His fingers are massaging as if I'm the one needing comfort when I still feel like I should be reassuring him.

"That's about them, not you. I can handle it. Heidi should leave you alone now, though. I talked to her in class."

He smiles some. "Or she'll answer to you?"

I bite my lip. "Yeah." I fill him in on what she wanted when she pulled me away and what we talked about in class.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "Emmett gets messed with constantly because of me, and I don't want that happening to you because they saw me talk to you for like thirty seconds. I don't know that girl, but just be careful, okay?"

I nod because it seems important to him even though these girls can't hurt me. I see the way they bother Emmett, though, so I understand his worry.

"We have to go before the next class comes," he says, but his nose is sliding along my cheekbone.

"Okay," I say, but I don't move to leave. I tilt my head and capture his lips with mine.

"You should probably go first," he says and kisses me one more time.

It doesn't feel necessary, but when he pulls at his hair and squeezes his eyes closed, I know he's been dealing with this a lot longer than me. I only know about the things I've heard and seen. Reluctantly, I leave him to his hiding.

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I should be working on my math assignment, taking full advantage of the time given in class, but instead, I can't stop thinking about what it was like with Edward this morning before we were interrupted. I'm trying to keep from smiling when a thought occurs to me. I text Edward, risking getting my phone taken away by the teacher. He's fairly known for doing that. _**Did you do something to my locker?**_

I don't expect him to answer since we're in class, but why else would he ask for my combination? He either had something in mind or he just wanted to snoop through my things. I don't know what class he's in, but he replies. _**What would I do to it?**_

My mouth opens in a teeth-baring smile. _**I don't know, but I'm going to check.**_

I manage not to laugh out loud when I read his reply. _**You can try, but I changed the combination.**_

I make sure the teacher is still preoccupied before answering back. _**Yeah, sure. Now I know you did something.**_

 _ **I have no idea what you're talking about.**_

I hold my fist over my mouth, coughing into it to cover up the laugh that I can't keep in anymore. He so did something.

As soon as class is over, I head straight to my locker, not caring that I'll have to run to make it to gym. Once I get it open, there's nothing new inside, but before I close it, I see what he's done. The picture of Alice, Rose, and me that had been on the inside of my locker door isn't there anymore.

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I get home from school and run up to my bedroom and grab Edward's water bottle off of my nightstand. I held onto it for long enough. I can call or text him whenever I want. It's silly to keep his water bottle. It makes a glugging sound as it empties into the drain. I liked having it, but I don't need it.

Once the piece of plastic I was crazy enough to covet is in the recycle bin, I go back up to my room to pack a bag to take to Rosalie's. As I'm shoving things inside my bag, I hear a car in the drive. I push aside my curtains and look outside. It's my dad, and it's a few hours earlier than he usually arrives.

When the front door opens, I step out to the top of the stairs, and say, "Hey, Dad. I wasn't expecting you."

"Yeah, sorry," he says as he throws his wallet and keys near the doorway. "You okay with me here, or were you going to pepper spray me?"

"I'll allow it this one time." I go back to my room, grab my backpack that's now holding my clothes instead of my school books, and zip it up before heading downstairs. It's a good thing he's here before I head out because I need to talk to him.

He's rifling through the fridge when I enter the kitchen.

"I'm going to leave in a minute, but can I talk to you?" I ask.

His fingers are poised to open a pop can, but they don't finish the motion. "Shoot."

I lift my backpack onto the counter, letting it hold its weight off my shoulders. "I don't think Jake wants me to say anything, so please don't tell him that I did, but Billy had a rough night last night. I just thought maybe you should know, so you could make sure he's okay and that Jake's okay too." I have to take a few deep breaths to make up for the ones I missed trying to get all that out.

My dad nods and opens the can. The crack of the aluminum echoes through the room. "I'll look into it. I haven't been out there as much lately, maybe it's time I changed that."

"Yeah, maybe," I say. My backpack slides off the counter when I move.

He lifts the can in my direction with an expression on his face that asks if I'd like one. I shake my head.

He takes a drink and asks, "You're talking to Jake, then? Any chance you'll come out to La Push this evening? Looks like it's going to be a nice night. We might even lose some of this cloud cover and catch a better view of the stars."

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.

 _Once Jake and I had made it to the beach, I had taken my shoes off and sat right down directly in the sand before filling my mouth with greasy, crunchy fries that tasted like tiny pieces of heaven. "I could live here," I said as a seagull landed nearby and eyed my plate. I eyed the bird right back before Jake scared it away._

" _If you want to live here, I'll make you a house," Jacob said and proceeded to find a stick and draw a box around me. "Can I come in?"_

" _No," I said, playing along even though it felt silly. I pointed to a space outside of my drawn house and said, "You can live next door though, if you want to."_

 _We both laughed, but he did as I asked, drawing his own box and staying out of mine. If houses drawn in the sand kept people out of my personal space, I was all for them._

 _I ate more than my fill, and reluctantly, let him finish what was left on my plate. When the food was gone, we wandered down the beach and looked for items to decorate our houses. I felt like a little kid, carefree and full of imagination until the sunset drew our attention to its beauty and the fact that it was time to head back._

" _We're not really supposed to take the shells, but I won't tell if you won't," Jake said as he filled his pockets._

 _I grabbed our trash from dinner and brushed sand off my pants. "Is that why you have enemies? You're a seashell stealer?"_

" _No, but that'd be a better reason." Jake's happy, light-hearted mood darkened some. "They're overreacting. Not that we were ever really friends anyway, but that group is friends with my sister's ex, Paul, and they think I sabotaged the relationship."_

" _So, they think you did something you didn't do?" I asked. It was hard to believe anyone would dislike him to the extent of calling him an enemy, let alone a group. I didn't like most people, but Jake was growing on me._

 _He laughed a little and picked up both of our shoes. "I wouldn't say I sabotaged them, but I wasn't on his side, either. It is what it is. Both my sisters got into schools in California. They got far away from here. Paul can get over it, or he and his friends can go on hating me forever. Either way, it's worth it."_

 _I knew I wasn't getting the whole story. For enemy lines to be drawn, there had to have been more, but I didn't know what it was like to have siblings and to want what was best for them. He may have been good at hiding it, but as I tilted my head, I was already seeing him from a different angle. Under all that happy, I could see the effects of a troubled life were there after all_ **.**

.

My dad looks eager for me to join him in La Push, and I don't want to crush his hopes, but plans or not, I can't go. "Tempting, but no," I say. "I'm not talking to Jake. Sorry. I'm staying over at Rosalie's."

He gives me a dramatic sigh and grabs a few things from the fridge. "Well, do you have to leave now or can you visit with me for a minute?"

I look at the time and calculate how much I have left in order to get to Rosalie's early. "I can stay a few minutes," I say as I let my backpack fall to the floor.

"You'd rather spend your evening with the Hales then with me in La Push? What do they have over there that's having you choose them?" Charlie asks as he mixes what he calls his famous ranch dip.

"Flowers, and you know, people that actually like me." When he stops stirring and looks at me like he's going to object to what I've said, I snag the spoon and steal a taste. I don't want to talk about the people that like me out there. "It wasn't a choice. You knew I had plans with my friends." I lick the spoon again. "Can you make us a batch of this? I forgot how good it is."

Charlie put a lid over the dip. "Because I only make it when I go to La Push. Remember the ocean, kid? I thought you wanted to be a mermaid. Some beach bum you turned out to be."

I scrunch my nose and stick my tongue out at him.

"Gah, Bella. Gross."

"Sorry," I say, covering my mouth and laughing as I realize there's still ranch dip on my tongue.

He pulls out his wallet and throws a twenty on the counter beside me. "Treat your friends to a pizza or whatever you kids eat nowadays."

I take the money without protesting. I still have money, but soon I'll have to get a job or start accepting more of my dad's money. Today, I'll take the money, but I need to start looking into who might be hiring.

"Thanks. Drive safely," I say as I sling my backpack over my shoulder.

"You too. Have fun."

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Pulling up to Rosalie's house, I don't know where to park. There are no cars in the driveway, but I don't want to block her mom in or block her dad out.

"Whatever, Bella. Just park." I stop as far to the side of the white, two-car garage as I can get. Aside from the white garage and trim, the house is painted canary yellow. It's probably the brightest house in Forks and the lawn's the most pristine, thanks to her mother's compulsive gardening habit. Before I met Rosalie, I didn't know such a personality trait existed.

Mrs. Hale waves to me from her flower bushes. I've met Rosalie's mom a few times and every time she's worn gardening gloves and a wide-brimmed hat just as she's wearing now.

I wave back as I walk up the planter-lined porch steps. I don't have to knock. Rosalie opens the door, pulls me into her house, and closes the door behind me. I can hear her parrot squawking in the kitchen, as if she can sense something is going on.

In a hurried rush of words and a look of panic, Rose asks, "Bella, do you like Emmett because it really seems like you do?"

"Do I like Emmett?" I ask, repeating Rosalie's question as she stares at me like if my answer is detrimental.

"Do you?" she asks with her eyebrows scrunched together, as she waits for an answer that I'm not giving only because this question is so bizarre.

"No." I take my backpack off and set it beside the door. "I told you I like Cullen. I thought you believed me."

"I did." Her face relaxes. "I do, but at lunch, you were staring at Emmett and then you ran off. That's not all. You left the skate park with him the other night and then today you were like, Emmett, let me feel your wrist, so I can make you a bracelet." She flutters her lashes.

"Rose, that is not what happened," I say, starting to feel defensive. He asked for a bracelet, and I measured his wrist. No way did I flirt with him.

"I know. I know." She throws her hands in the air and starts pacing the room. "This was not supposed to happen. Emmett McCarty. I mean really? What the hell is going on with me?"

"So, you do like him?" I ask to which her head falls forward, and she scrubs her face with her hands. I'll take that as a yes, even though she doesn't voice it. "What about Alec?"

My question is met with a wince from Rosalie. "We've been on a break for a while, but I'm pretty sure that taking a break is code for breaking up, and I'm the only one in the world that wasn't aware of that."

"I'm sorry," I say, feeling really out of the loop, but lately, every time we talk about Emmett, Rose has been adamant that she has a boyfriend. "Does Alice know?"

Rose gnaws at her lip. "She knows we were taking some space to figure out our routines without trying to see each other all the time. She doesn't know that the space agreement included the freedom to see other people."

Things start to add up. Alec hasn't come back home since he left, and all those trips to visit him in Seattle that Rose had planned haven't happened yet. The way she talks and the way she conducts herself has been as someone in a committed relationship that was a bit flattered and a bit embarrassed by Emmett McCarty's admiration.

"Did you want to see other people?" I ask, following her to the beige couch in her living room where we both pick up a floral-patterned pillow and sit down. There are too many pillows to sit without moving them.

She hugs the pillow to her chest. "Not at first. I just thought it made sense to give him that freedom because if I didn't, then whatever he did would be cheating, and I just didn't want to get cheated on. Which is just really sad now that I'm saying it out loud, but I didn't want to see anyone else. I mean… who would I see? What was the point if Alec and I were just going to get back together? I've never had a casual relationship. I've never even dated anyone else. Alec's the only guy I've ever kissed. Was it like that with you and Jake?"

Now I'm clinging to the pillow in my lap. "No, well he was my only relationship, but I dated some in Phoenix and there was kissing, but it all feels pointless now—with Jake and guys in Phoenix. Not that kissing is pointless. Just kissing them was pointless." I stop myself from rambling on further. I've had a lot of kisses recently that have been far from pointless. "Anyway, are you going to tell Alice about Alec?"

"Should I?" she asks as she picks at the seam of the pillow. "I think I was in denial that it was over, but now I think she might go crazy trying to set me up with someone. I've seen the way she's been talking to guys for you since your breakup."

I grimace. Alice may be giving me a break from trying to set me up, but I'm hoping we can stretch that into a permanent hiatus.

As I watch Rose's manicured fingers move against the different colored roses, I say, "She's trying to get you with Emmett anyway, so …"

Rosalie laughs, letting the pillow fall to her lap. "Imagine if she knew I really do like him."

I shrug. "I don't know how that would go, but she knows I like Cullen, and she wasn't so bad today when we talked to him."

"Are you kidding? She was awful. Bella, look who's here." She pushes her hair off her ears and says, "See my earrings. Bella made them." Rosalie chuckles. "Sorry, Bella. Cullen knows you like him."

I laugh at her portrayal of Alice. "It's fine, but you know, Alice has trusted us with her Jasper obsession. So I think maybe we should do the same with her."

"You're right," she says, and I realize that, yeah, I am. Rosalie is here trusting me, and I'm over here having only given them enough information, so they know I have a crush on somebody.

Her parrot goes on a tangent of noises that has her standing up. "I need to feed her. You can put your bag in my room if you want."

"Yeah, sure." I'm careful to set the pillow back on the couch in the exact position it was in before I head to Rosalie's room.

The hallway is filled with crackled-gold framed photos. Rosalie is present in all of them, some with her parents, a few with her parrot, and many in various gardens over the years.

Her bedroom has a white four-poster bed pushed up against the wall. Her bedspread is a light lilac and laid in a way I could never dream of getting my bed to be so wrinkle free. The decorative pillows outnumber the ones on the couch, all presenting various shades of purple violets and irises.

A copy of the photo that Edward stole from my locker is displayed on her dresser in a frame that's covered in glitter and probably hand-embellished by Alice. There's not a photo of Alec in sight, plus there's the matter of her missing necklace. I should have realized things with Alec were over sooner.

As I look at the picture of Rose, Alice, and me, I wonder how many times Edward has looked at it since he stole my copy. I can kind of get where Rosalie's confusion about me liking Emmett came from, but as I think about Edward, it's a funny thought that anyone could think I was interested in anyone else.

My head turns toward the open bedroom door when the doorbell rings. Now that Alice is here, this evening just might get even more interesting.

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 **Author's note:**

Sorry for the later update. I feel like I've been trying to give it another read-through and get it posted all day. Kids, I have three, and having a toddler and a teenager at the same time can be pretty interesting. Thanks so much for reading. I'm thinking no chapter next week, so I can sort out all the editing of the next couple chapters again, but fingers crossed for the following week.

As always, I can't thank those helping me on this story enough. Sri ffn and YourVixen preread and dazzled eyes22 betas. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I know many are anxious for a public relationship, and I'm not really about the long explanations, but I want to say that while the contest was months ago, and then I took a few months to write and ready chapters for posting and have now been posting for several weeks, the timeline of this story so far has only been one week. That being said, I'm super anxious for them to get on with a public relationship as well, and I appreciate every single one of you that has stuck with me thus far. Thank you!


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

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Alice, Rosalie, and I are all wearing facemasks when our pizza arrives ten minutes early. Rosalie runs to the bathroom, but I block Alice's path before she can do the same. "The masks were your idea. Don't run off on me."

"I would never," Alice says. "Let's do this together."

There's no hiding the green substance that's drying on our skin, no angle we can turn to hide it from view. The guy delivering our pizza must be new as my dad and I get pizza all the time, but I've never seen him before. He takes a step back when he sees us, before getting out the pizza from an insulated bag and avoiding looking at us as he squeezes his lips together. I wouldn't blame him if he laughed.

I say, "Keep the change," as I hand him the money, and Alice takes the pizza.

He raises his eyebrows and looks at the space between the two of us as he says, "Yeah, sure. I mean, thank you. Have a good night."

When the door closes, Alice says, "Did you see his face? That was priceless."

"Yeah, that was great," I say, my face feeling stiff as I try to smile. "But let's not do that again, okay? Thanks."

"Yeah, yeah," Alice says as she sets the pizza down on the counter. "At least it wasn't someone from school. Speaking of school, how epic was it that I told Emmett to hang out with us anytime and he came to your locker with Cullen? Now if only they were friends with Jasper, we'd be set." She lifts the lid of the card board box as if she's evaluating our order before suddenly closing it and turning back to me. "Oh my gosh, Bella! You know what? I'm starting to think if anyone can crack Cullen, it's you. I've never seen him talk to anyone as much as he talked to you. If we work this friend angle just right and steer clear from that friends' only zone—"

"No," I say, quick and defensive. "It's not like that. I'm not—"

"Ever having sex again. I know," Alice says as she pulls a pitcher of red juice out of the fridge. She moves around the kitchen as if it's hers. When Purdy squawks at her from her perch, Alice squawks right back at her.

I look through the opening between soft pink curtains, making sure Mrs. Hale is nowhere near the window. We'd offered her to join us for pizza, but she has plans to make a small dinner to share with her husband when he gets home from work. When I spot her across the lawn, I say to Alice, "That's not what I was going to say." After my tryst with Jake, the only thing I told her was that Jake and I were over, and sex wasn't something I'd ever try again. I was adamant on the _ever_. If it weren't for Edward, I would have stuck to that declaration too. Alice was really freaked out after I ended my relationship with Jake, but Rosalie convinced her that sex isn't bad. Luckily, she has Rose. If I was her only friend, she might be a virgin forever. Rose may have been able to convince Alice that sex is a good thing, but after Jake, there was no way she was convincing me. "Anyways, I've changed my mind about that."

"Is that so?" Rose says from behind us as she sets placemats on the round glass table in their little dining area. I hadn't realized she was there. "Well, you kind of have an in with Cullen with that whole _guarding_ thing at the party, and you seem to be friends with McCarty. I think you should go for it."

Alice pours the red juice nearly to the tops of the glasses. "Can you demonstrate what guarding Cullen at the party looked like? I've got this image in my head of you standing outside of a door like a bouncer."

"No, it wasn't like that, and no, I'm not demonstrating." I grab plates and bring them to the table.

Rosalie takes a plate off the stack and sets it on a placemat. "Bella, you're blushing. Spill."

I position the other two plates. "Spill what? I don't know what you want me to say. How do you know I'm blushing anyway? My face is green."

"You're red everywhere the mask isn't. You look like Christmas," Alice says as she walks with careful precision with three full glasses in her hands. "How about you start with telling us how one gets the position of guarding Cullen? I've never heard of anyone doing that."

I start backing out of the room. "Can you grab me a slice? I can't eat with this mask on my face. I can barely move my mouth."

"Yeah, yeah," Alice says.

As I turn to flee the room before they can object, Alice calls after me, "I have a million questions, so I hope you hurry."

I do walk a little faster, realizing the longer I make her wait, the more questions she'll come up with. Washing off the mask works as a reprieve, but when I take it off, my face is all red and splotchy, and I'm no closer to knowing what exactly I want to tell them about Edward, if anything. I contemplate that. As much as I want to tell them, I also don't like not knowing how they'll react. Maybe they'll be mad that I didn't tell them right away, or maybe they'll be excited, thinking that I cracked him. The thought of either reaction makes me hesitate as I grip the bathroom door before I force myself to turn it.

Once I'm back at the table, eyeing the slice of pepperoni on my plate, Rosalie and Alice are already seated. Alice somehow has washed off her mask as well and is already halfway through her pizza.

"Am I still all red?" I ask as I sit down.

"Not as red as you were before," Rosalie says. "We don't have to talk about Cullen if you don't want to. I've yet to get my daily fill of all things Jasper Whitlock." She gives Alice a look of warning to which Alice rolls her eyes.

I could take this out and let this talk turn to gushing about Jasper. It'd be an easy shift that wouldn't leave Alice disappointed in my silence for long. I lift up my pizza, ready to take a bite, so I have an excuse not to speak. The problem is as nervous and unsure as I am, I do want to talk about Edward. Holding all this in is hard, like I'm bursting with thoughts and feelings. "I'll talk but not about cracking Cullen. Edward doesn't like it, and that's not what I'm doing. I really like him."

"Ed-ward," Alice says as if she's testing the pronunciation of the word.

Rosalie chuckles. "I guess that _is_ his name. Edward. Edward Cullen."

I let them make fun of me while I take a bite of pizza. Maybe no one calls him that, but I do, so if we're going to talk about him, they'll have to get used to it. Judging by the rate they keep repeating it with long, drawn-out syllables, they'll be used to hearing and saying his first name soon.

Alice takes a sip of her juice and sets it down above the placemat right on the glass table with a clack. "You like him so much you're not against sex anymore?" She licks at the fruity mustache remains on her upper lip. "Wait!" Her mouth falls open. She smacks the table and leaves her hand there as if she needs it to brace herself as she leans toward me. I don't know what she thinks she knows, but whatever it is, so much has happened between Edward and me that it might actually be true.

I look between her and the pizza in my hands. The desire to fill my mouth with it is strong, but I swallow those thoughts down, and ask her, "What are you thinking?"

She manages to lean toward me even more, any further and she'll be climbing on the table. "You know that condom I gave you because you had pockets and I didn't, do you still have it?"

I drop my pizza on my plate and cover my face with my hands. From both sides, a mix of shrieks and giggles fill my ears. I didn't intend for my confession to go this far, but I can't deny it, and by Alice's tone, I'm pretty sure this question is rhetorical. They both already know that condom is gone.

"Well, okay then," Alice says, still laughing. "Only you and Cullen…I'm sorry, Edward, could get away with spending all night together and having us believe you were only guarding him."

"Wow," Rosalie says. "So are you seeing him now? Do you talk? Or was it just a one-time thing?"

I hear chairs shuffling against the floor. A set of knees presses against each of my outer thighs. I can feel the close proximity of the rest of their bodies as they draw nearer.

I lower my hands and shrug. "I've seen him, but I don't know if it classifies as seeing him. We do talk, though. We talk a lot."

As soon as the last word is out of my mouth, Alice asks, "How did this happen?"

"What part?" I ask in return.

"Let's start with guarding him," she says, but before I can answer, Rosalie asks, "Who talked to who first?"

"Oh my gosh," Alice smacks the table. "He talked to you first, didn't he? You didn't have to crack him. He came on to you because you weren't trying to get with him. It's classic. Wait! How'd you end up alone with him anyway?"

I wait a beat in case I'm not actually part of this conversation. "Don't say cracking. It wasn't like that."

"Okay, okay." Alice fidgets in her seat. "I know I'm sorry, but Bella, this is huge. I'm not sure you get how monumental this is. Even just him saying more than two words to you is a miracle."

"I know," I say. I'm amazed everything transpired the way it has. It isn't something I take lightly. "Just don't call it that, and I'll tell you."

"Got it," Alice says.

Rosalie's knees bounce beside me. She looks antsy for me to go on, but she doesn't say anything.

"So, I got sick of being down in the basement, and you guys were busy," I explain, giving them a look that causes them both to scrunch their noses. Now more than ever, I'm glad I didn't join them in befriending Jasper's friends. "I went upstairs and wandered around, and then Cullen was just there. The next thing I know, I'm blurting out an offer to sit on his lap, you know, to block all those obnoxious girls at our school."

I'm startled when they both squeal.

"Did he say yes right away?" Alice asks.

"Yes," I say, smiling as I remember him changing the offer from guarding him down in the basement where the party was actually taking place, to me sitting on him upstairs instead just in case someone were to come up there.

From my other side, Rosalie asks, "But how did you go from that to _that_?" she asks, trying to make the word that sound suggestive.

Alice tilts her head and gives me a flirty smile. "Did you say, 'I'm never having sex ever again. Do you want to change my mind?'"

I snort as I laugh. Sex has never been something I could talk about with humor. It was this scary concept I couldn't grasp before it became this nauseating event I never wanted to repeat, but I can't help laughing about it now. Now, it's become something else entirely, and even though I think rushing into it with Edward has messed with the progression of a relationship I'd like to have with him, I still like that I know him in that way.

"What?" Alice asks. "It could work. What guy wouldn't go for that?"

"Oh, I'm sure plenty would go for it." Rosalie reaches over and pats her hand. "Why don't you go ahead and try that line on Jasper and let me know how it goes?"

"Maybe I will," Alice says, as if she's accepting a challenge, but the grin on her face is wide. Alice looks at me. "Sorry, it just popped into my head, and I just had to say it. How did it really happen?"

"Um." I hesitate, gathering my thoughts and giving them a chance to interrupt if they're going to, but they don't. "We just talked some. I told him I wasn't going to try to do that whole cracking thing, and he didn't want me to worry about the fact that he says no to other people." I shrug. "With him, it just seemed like something I wanted to do, so here we are."

Rosalie and Alice both have the goofiest smiles on their faces. I'm sure I do too. It's nice not to be the only one, but their full attention is making me fidget.

"Have you slept with him more than once?" Alice asks.

I close my eyes. I should cut off this line of questions, but the memories make me giddy, and I can't hide that.

"How many times?" she asks.

I hold four fingers in front of my face and then stuff my mouth with pizza because I can't control myself apparently.

"Oh my gosh," Alice says. "Bella, it's been a week!"

I finish chewing before I say, "I know, okay? I know, but have you seen him? Seriously. And you don't know what he's like when he's being sweet and stuff."

"No one's blaming you," Rosalie says as she pulls apart her pizza crust. "I wonder what McCarty is like when he's being sweet."

"McCarty is always sweet," Alice says. "Wait, what?"

Rosalie shrugs. "Yeah, so, I'm pretty sure Alec and I are over."

"Ye-ah," Alice says, slowly. "About that, I've been kind of thinking you've been defending a relationship that's pretty much nonexistent lately. I'm glad you caught up with that because… Hello, Emmett McCarty." She looks at me, and says, "And somehow you've got this Edward Cullen thing going on. You're not even red and green anymore, but today feels like Christmas. If only we could add Jasper to this mix, I think I'm ready to talk to him, but we need to come up with the best reasons ever. I need ideas, ladies."

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When Rosalie's dad came home from work, dressed all business casual and making the house feel quieter as no one wanted to disturb him, we holed ourselves up in Rosalie's room, set to stay in there the remainder of the evening.

Pulling out the twin-sized trundle bed, just like Rosalie's bed above, Alice says, "Bella Cullen. Isabella Marie Cullen. Yeah, I'm likin' it."

I roll my eyes, but I like it too. I'm not going to go practicing my signature with his last name, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the sound of it. "Please do not let him hear you saying things like that."

Alice gasps. "Bella, I would never."

Rosalie comes in the room, balancing a big bowl of popcorn in one hand and her phone in the other. She kicks her bedroom door closed, and says, "I'm sure we are having so much more fun than whoever's hanging out at Jessica Stanley's house."

"Agreed." Alice throws the popcorn in the air and tries to catch it in her mouth, but it misses and lands on my knee.

It's funny the mixed thoughts and feelings a simple piece of popcorn brings.

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 _Jake's sisters were home on break and instead of spending time with them, he was taking a break from his dad. His location of choice happened to be the home I was residing in with my father. If Charlie wasn't around, Jake spent his time trying to figure out what annoyed me. It was hard to interpret if he was trying to figure it out because he wanted to annoy me or because he didn't._

 _My dad came around the back of the couch Jake and I were sitting on and set a bowl of popcorn on the cushion between us._

" _Oh, there's butter on it," Jake said as he grabbed a handful. "I didn't know that there was such a thing in this house."_

" _Jacob Black," Charlie said as he sat in the chair adjacent to the couch. "What the hell are you talking about?"_

 _I got a little nervous for Jake. Charlie seemed offended._

 _Jake popped a piece in his mouth and said, "All the health food. I don't get it."_

 _Charlie looked at me like he couldn't believe what he was hearing, and then he waited as if this was a question I needed to answer, a side I needed to choose._

" _Hey, don't look at me," I said. "I've been wondering that too."_

" _I thought teenage girls liked healthy food," Charlie said and pressed his lips together._

" _Oh, yeah. I do," I said, feeling guilt creep in for questioning his attempts to provide me the food that had more nutritional value than my diet consisted of previously. "But if there's any other food you usually eat, I'm not really picky. I like lots of other things too."_

" _Me, too," Jake said as he grabbed another handful of popcorn._

" _I do miss eating at the diner," Charlie said. "We can go down there tomorrow night."_

" _Okay." I looked at Charlie and pointed my thumb at Jake as his hand made its way back in the bowl. "Next time, I need my own bowl. Did you really think he was going to share?"_

" _Hey, I share. Bella, catch," Jake said right before throwing a piece of popcorn at the side of my head._

 _I picked it up from where it landed beside the bowl and threw it back at him. He snapped his jaw as he tried to catch it. It ricocheted off his chin and landed on the coffee table._

" _Hey," Charlie said. "Throw one over here."_

 _I grabbed a piece, threw it, and hit Charlie right in the nose. I laughed as he tried to catch it before it fell to the floor. Before I knew it, we were all laughing and throwing popcorn kernels at each other._

" _No more," Charlie said as he shook popcorn from his hair._

 _Jake and I both stopped and started cleaning up, but I was startled when popcorn started raining on my head as Charlie said, "Psych!"_

 _I screamed, grabbing a handful, and throwing it at him as I said, "Dad, that's so cheating."_

 _His face fell in surprise, and I had to look away as I realized what I'd just called him for the first time since I was like five._

 _The silence stretched for mere seconds before Jake snorted and said, "Psych. Who says that?"_

 _My dad scoffed. "Everyone says that."_

 _Jake and I exchanged looks before we burst out laughing. I looked at my dad and said, "Nobody says that."_

 _My dad stood up, pretending he was offended and pointed to the mess on the floor. Before he left the room, he said, "You two, clean this up." As he walked away, he muttered under his breath, "Everybody says psych. Everybody."_

 _._

 _._

The things that remind me of Jake all seem to have a theme. They're all salty. Being with Jake may have ruined my love for the beach, but it hasn't ruined everything. I grab some popcorn before Alice eats it all. "I think you should just call Jasper now."

"No way," Alice says, and then when I look at my phone, she asks, "Who is it?"

"Edward wants to know if I'm in La Push. He just saw my dad." I text him back, letting him know where I am.

I don't read the rest out loud as he responds with, _**Oh,**_ and then adds, _**I saw him and thought maybe I'd see you too. Can I still call you?**_

 _ **Sorry, it would have been good to see you, but I don't really go out there anymore. Yes, to calling me.**_

I'm smiling at my phone when I realize the room is silent. I look up to find Alice and Rosalie watching me instead of putting on the movie we're supposed to be watching.

"What'd he say?" Rosalie asks. "Is Emmett in La Push, or did he end up going to Jessica Stanley's?"

"He didn't say. Do you want me to ask him?" I start typing the message.

"No, don't," Rosalie answers, so I stop. "It doesn't matter. It's not my place to know where he is."

Alice is busy on her own phone, looking through screen after screen. If there's any platform of social media that hints to Emmett's whereabouts, Alice will find it. "Got it." She flips her phone our way, showing a photo that has just a sliver of Emmett, but it's a photo that he's tagged in along with Jared and Paul—the guys Edward said are his friends out there. "He's in La Push too. Sorry, Bella. No photos of Cullen."

"That's fine. He said he's going to call me."

They look at each other and let out a squeal. I cover my face with my hands as I start to flush. They giggle and tell me how excited they are. I should tell them to simmer down, warn them not to act like this when he calls or even worse when we see him at school, but I can't quiet them when how they're acting is so much of how I've been feeling.

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 **Author's Note: Hi! Thanks for reading! What did you think of the sleepover?**

 **A million thanks to sri ffn and YourVixen for prereading and dazzled eyes22 for her feedback and beta work.**

 **I'm struggling with ch 13, so it may be an extra week or two before I can get it posted. Weekly updates were nice, but I'm still working on this story daily and will keep posting as often as I can manage. Thanks everyone for being patient with me.**


	13. Chapter 13

*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

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Every time I pass Edward in the halls, he sort of smiles and nods. When Rose and Alice are with me, they burst into giggles. They don't do this with Jasper or if Emmett's with Edward. I almost asked them to stop because of all the people around. He's such a private person, but even so, I decided to leave them to their reactions because when I went to shush them, I'd noticed his sort-of smile had grown into a full one.

It didn't take me long to figure out why they aren't trying to act nonchalant when it comes to Edward. Alice and Rose aren't ready for their crushes to know that they like them, but Edward already knows that I do. He doesn't seem to be fazed by my friends either. When he called while I was at Rosalie's, both Alice and Rose yelled out hellos and he laughed and returned their greetings, and he's still called the last three nights.

Now it's Tuesday and his parents are both working late, and his work availability is officially changed. When I texted him this morning, he asked if I'm still coming over after school. Of course, I am. How could I not?

I look around, as I walk into English class. Written on the board in our teacher's swirly, cursive penmanship is instructions to get with our partners and work on our project. Tanya and Zafrina are pushing their desks together, as well as one for Siobhan's inevitable arrival. It's still annoying. If they can work in a group of three, I should be able to work by myself. I wonder if that's an option. Too late now, as Heidi already has our desks pushed together with a smile on her face as if our partnership is a great part of her day.

As I approach, I want to tell her to go away and plead my case to the teacher that I should be allowed to work on my own, but social expectations have me dropping my backpack on the floor, plastering on a smile, and saying, "Hi, Heidi."

"Hey, Bella. Sorry, I haven't texted you. How was your weekend? Did you go to Jessica's?" she asks in a chipper tone.

"No, I was at Rosalie's. How was your date?" I sit down, kind of surprised at how easy this is. Small talk has never been my thing nor has any kind of talking or interacting really. It's socializing that's not my thing, but apparently, I've become not totally terrible at faking it.

"Meh." She chews on the end of her pen. "It seemed okay, but he's giving me one-word answers when I text him now, so I don't even know what to think."

I don't have enough experience to read into that, but I'm grateful that Edward with as confusing as he can be, at least he doesn't ever do that. "Well, he's answering, I guess. Guys are confusing."

"I know, right?" She points the deformed end of her pen right at me as she speaks. "And they say we're confusing, but just, uh."

I may still be smiling, but internally, I'm cringing. I can't process what she's said until her pen is back between her teeth where it's better suited than being anywhere in my vicinity. Once I think about what she's said though, I have to agree. Why do they say we're the ones that are confusing? "Uh," I say back because I can relate to the confusion, but I stop talking because I'm starting to sound like her, and that's not okay with me.

We pull out our notes and start organizing what we already have done and figuring out what we have left to do. I expect her to ask me about Edward, but she doesn't. The trio that tends to mess with him the most seems more interested in planning one of their birthday parties than talking about him as well.

The entire class period goes by without Edward being mentioned. I start to hope that their interest in him will fade.

The bell rings, and as we move our desks back, Zafrina reaches over and fixes Siobhan's lip gloss. "We could make it a couples' thing and invite everyone to come in pairs. Maybe Cullen will be your date. Who would say no to someone when it's their birthday?"

I manage not to laugh out loud. The reasoning is odd. If her birthday is riding on Edward being her date, it's going to be a horrible birthday.

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Edward's car was already gone when I got to the parking lot after the final bell rang. His head start is probably my fault. I made a quick stop in the bathroom to check my reflection. I didn't do much besides run my fingers through my hair, but I can see why Alice and Rose frequently make the stop. I left that bathroom more confident than when I entered it.

It's a quick drive to Edward's house, but it feels like forever. We text constantly and late night phone calls are becoming routine, but my skin is tingling with this craving to be connected with his. The last time I felt him and kissed him was when I was alone with him in the band room on Friday. The encounter was brief—way too brief.

The Cullens' home is three stories, but from the driveway, there are only windows for two stories. It's like an illusion. If I went around to the backyard, I bet I'd see three levels of windows as if the home was designed with a cloak of modesty. He's not waiting for me outside today, so I walk up to the door and ring the bell. It doesn't just ring—it goes off in a melody.

I look down at the welcome mat beneath my shoes. The script is elegant. The word, _Welcome,_ is simple, but there is a heart instead of an o. Love. This house with its gazebo and welcome mat practically screams the word.

Edward pulls the door open. "Hey, sorry I made you wait." Water drips from his hair, down his cheeks, and lands on his shoulders. His clothes are changed to the tank and shorts I've come to expect.

"It's okay. Did you shower?" I ask as I step inside his home.

"No." He closes the door behind me. "My hair is getting too long. I only had time to cover it with a hat or get it wet."

Reaching over, he takes my hand, satisfying that craving my skin has to reconnect. He gives me nervous butterflies. He looks at me briefly and then only steals glimpses at the wall behind me before he sets a slow pace of moving toward the kitchen. He's starting to seem like the nervous one. I'm not sure what's happening. I follow his lead, letting the anticipation bubble up and offering him a smile when his eyes land on me.

His hand in mine is nice, but I can't help the pull to be closer. The moment we stop in the kitchen, I lean my head on his shoulder, feeling the moisture drops from his hair seep into mine. There's a bowl filled with fruit on the counter. It's crystal and filled with colorful choices. The one we have at home is wicker, like a basket without a handle. It doesn't hold fruit anymore, but sometimes my dad throws the mail in it.

"I really like your house," I say because I was too enamored with him to notice it last time. It was like the house had disappeared. Now, I can see a little more, but he's still very distracting, especially when I look up at him and he's licking his lips the way he is.

"Thanks. So…" he says.

"So." I move to stand in front of him and interlock my hands behind his neck because I can. Being close to him has become one of the most natural things.

His hands go to my hips, and he pulls me in a little closer. There's a nervous chuckle and an airy breath before he speaks again. "You're leaving at dinner time and eating at home, right?" I nod, and he goes on. "Okay, I know that, but my mom usually makes something on these days when I'm home and they aren't. I told her I wanted something Italian, so she made lasagna. I know it's not spaghetti, but it's usually pretty good." He pauses, takes a deep breath, and asks in a rush of words, "Do you want to try it?"

"Yes." Heat radiates from my heart and expands throughout my chest.

His nervous expression transforms into one of relief. I never would have said no. I didn't even have to consider the question. I don't tell him because I don't want to call him out for being nervous, but with me, he doesn't have to be.

He pulls me in closer, so the front of my body is pressed to his before he kisses me. I'm not sure how I went so long in his presence without feeling the softness of his kiss and the smell of his skin so close to my nose. I still can't get over how good he smells.

He breaks our kiss to say, "It takes a while to cook." After the words are out, he's back to kissing me.

In between kisses, I manage to say, "Okay."

"Okay." He breaks away from me to get the food in the oven. Following directions off a Post-it note, he sets the timer on the stove. "We can hang out in the game room until it's ready if you want."

"Yeah, sure," I say and follow him that way.

"Your friends are interesting." Edward holds one of the saloon-style doors open for me.

I grimace, unsure if this is going to end up being a problem. He doesn't know them and their giggling has been a bit much. "Sorry, they're just teasing me. I can ask them to stop." I take my shoes off near the door before following him to the couch.

"It's fine. They don't bother me."

I sit beside him, grinning as I say, "That's good. You did steal a picture of them."

"Because you're in it." He grabs my waist and slides me over until there's no space between us. "I'll give it back if you let me take a new one."

"Maybe," I say, trying to decide if my dislike of photos of myself is outweighed by him wanting one.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and opens his camera. "How 'bout now?"

I tilt my head toward him. "Only if you take one with me."

He holds up his phone and takes the photo. I turn and kiss his cheek. The camera clicks. He turns too, kissing my lips, and again the camera clicks, documenting moments that still feel so surreal to me.

My tongue sweeps out in a demand for more. He opens his mouth, fulfilling my need. The phone falls to the floor. My body slides back as we kiss. Making out while the lasagna cooks is a perfect way to pass the time.

I end up lying down fully, and he lies down beside me. If we get too carried away, he might fall off the couch.

There's a force inside of me that wants to throw my leg around his waist and grind our bodies closer, but I'm trying not to be all about that, so I keep my legs where they are and focus on how good his mouth feels as it moves with mine.

His hand goes under the back of my shirt, while I get lost in the sensation of him pulling my lower lip into his mouth. As our breathing becomes heavier, he unclasps my bra and slides his hand around to the front. My chest juts forward to meet his hand, as if my body was waiting to respond to this exact moment.

When he starts trailing kisses down my neck, I start thinking second base isn't too fast. I'm good with second. Once he's pushed my shirt up, his mouth moves lower and replaces his hands. My body heats up, and I start warring with myself.

What's the minimum time to wait before going all the way? I want this thing with us to grow and build to really be something. We've never been on a date, but maybe meeting behind Newton's and eating lasagna later count. After dinner might make it count more though, but it's hard to think when he's touching me this way.

He starts pulling my skin into his mouth, moving an inch, and sucking again. My hands fist in his hair, keeping him there because I don't want him to stop doing what he's doing, but I'm starting to lose sight of why I didn't think this was the best idea. At the moment, it feels like the very best of ideas.

The allure of his skin on mine strengthens. His hand moves down my torso. When it descends past my bellybutton, my breath catches. He moves back to kissing my mouth, and his hand moves to the back pocket of my jeans as he pulls me flush against him. "Upstairs?" he asks.

 _Yes, but…oh._

His question gives me a pause long enough to remember why I don't want to rush this. "Umm…" My mind stumbles on what to say.

"Umm?" He pulls my shirt down, covering my exposed skin.

"I want to," I say and even now it's a force to keep my legs pressed together instead of lifting one and wrapping it around him in the way I really do want to, but it's him I want more, not just this physicality. "But do you think it's too fast? I mean…I know we've already done the go-upstairs thing but pretend we hadn't. Is this too fast?" He stares at me and blinks a few times, even his blinks are tempting, which is ridiculous, but I can't help it. He makes me this way. "I don't want to be easy, but you feel really good, and—" I'm about to ramble on some more, but he places a finger to my lips.

"You're not easy, Bella. Don't think that. I don't think that at all." He moves his finger down my chin while worry pulls heavy on his brows.

"Okay." This conundrum has been weighing on me. He makes me feel a whole spectrum of things, but last time I was here, I left confused about if this thing between us was just a sex thing or something more. Since then, it's been a week of lots of conversations and some kissing. Now that I think about it, this last week didn't have enough kissing. It doesn't seem like just a sex thing, but if his impression is he'd never want me around his family, then I don't know what we're doing, and it's not the kind of person I aim to be. "It's just that before…I only did the whole virginity thing and that was after being in a relationship for six months. This isn't something I ever thought I'd be doing, but I do want to go upstairs with you. I really do, but I don't want to be the kind of girl that can't meet parents, not that I'm trying to meet your parents right now, but I don't want to be the kind of girl that never will."

"You're not." He kisses the corner of my mouth. At his answer, I'm ready to stop talking and go back to kissing him instead. This conversation makes my insides tighten up as I keep opening my mouth and letting my thoughts just fall right out, but he pulls back and asks, "I said that, huh?" He laughs, but in the nervous way and mostly to himself. "I did not mean it like that." When my eyes dip downward, he says, "Look at me, babe."

I do as he asks, feeling my nerves ebb under his softened gaze.

"I meant it like I wouldn't invite you over and surprise you with them being here, not that you can't ever meet them. I mean, it's not something I really do, inviting people over and stuff. My parents don't need to know who I'm hanging out with, but you could meet them sometime and we could leave. I'd rather not hang around when they're here."

"Oh." I wouldn't want to be blindsided with them being here, but at hearing how separated he keeps his parents from his life has me asking him, "Why?"

He scratches his head before fisting his hair and pulling it some. "Because I don't want to move again."

"Move?" I ask, tilting my head as I try to understand why having people around would cause that reaction. "I don't want you to move either, but why would your parents knowing your friends make you have to move?"

"I don't know that it would, but they've done it before, so they don't get to meet people I'm around anymore." He lets out a heavy breath before his gaze goes to the ceiling. I don't know if he's going to say anything else. His hand stays fisted in his hair, but as much as I want to give him an out for this conversation, I also want to know what he's talking about.

"Why did you move here?" I ask.

He groans, as if it's a difficult question, but even though he's pulling on his hair as he speaks, he still starts telling me, "That blonde girl… My mom worked with hers in Chicago too. Her family moved here for who the hell knows why, probably because of her, but they claimed they loved it here." He lets go of his hair, which is mostly dry now and sticking up everywhere. "Then my parents said they were sick of the city, and we up and moved here too." I watch his throat bob as he swallows before he says, "It's bullshit. They loved Chicago."

"And you think that has something to do with who you were hanging out with?" I reach up and try to fix his hair.

He nods before he rolls his neck some, as if he can already feel tension building. "One of my friends… his brother robbed the store where he worked. I'd never even talked to this guy's brother. We weren't even that good of friends, but my mom freaked out about it. She didn't want me talking to him anymore and a few weeks later, we moved."

My brows pull together as I take it in. As much as we've talked, there's still so much I don't know about him. I didn't know he knew Tanya's family in Chicago, and I've never met his mom, so I don't know what she's like. He's never talked about her in a way that made me think she was overprotective, but maybe she is. I don't know anything about overprotective moms, though. Being scared about who your kids are associated with, may not be as overprotective as it sounds.

I have more questions, but I decide not to push him anymore, so I'm surprised when he starts talking again. "If they move again, I'm not going with them, so I guess that part doesn't even matter anymore. If they're going to judge everyone and deem people guilty by association, then they don't get to know the people I know."

"Not even Emmett?" I ask.

He laughs. "I used to kick him out when they got home, but then he stopped listening to me, so I gave up. My parents like him, so whatever. It's still annoying."

I smile, imagining Emmett learning when to ignore Edward's demands. "And Jared and Paul?"

He shakes his head. "You and Emmett are the only ones I've ever asked to come here. I'd have Jared over, but he'd bring Paul. If my parents met Paul, I probably would have to move."

I laugh at that. I don't know Paul, but I know of him and his verbal frustrations when he doesn't get his way. I'm not sure why Edward would want to be friends with him, or why Jake's sister was ever with him, but I only know about him from Jake.

He tilts my face, so I'm back to looking at him. His expression is now serious. "If they met you, I wouldn't have to move."

I tuck my lips in and nod, hoping that's true. I think it could be as long as his parents don't know about everything we've been doing. He could do worse, especially at our school.

He looks into my eyes a moment before he says, "I meant what I said, I would never surprise you with them being here, but you can meet them sometime."

I move my hand over his chest until I find his heartbeat. It's pumping pretty fast. I don't know when sometime is, but it's a peaceful feeling, hearing talk about what he sees in the future with me. "And you can meet my dad too," I say, but when he grimaces, I add, "Sometime, but don't worry. He'll like you."

"If you say so, I believe you." His hand covers mine on his chest. The timer goes off in the kitchen. Before we get up, Edward kisses me again, and says, "C'mon. Let me feed you."

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Author's Note:

Hi! Thanks for reading and for all your patience as I pull this together. I'm still working on it every single day.

A million thanks to sri ffn, YourVixen, and dazzled eyes22 for their prereader, beta work, amazing suggestions and support.

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	14. Chapter 14

*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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It's a skate park night. Edward knows I'm here. He didn't say anything about meeting after he gets off work or even whether or not he was working, but it doesn't stop me from keeping an eye out for Emmett's Jeep.

Rosalie's occasional head swivel toward the parking lot has me thinking she is likely watching out for the same vehicle.

The overhead lights kick on as the sun sets. Electricity buzzes as it makes its way up the poles.

We have a great view of Jasper as he's set up off to the side, doing moves that can be done in place, while James tries to help girls, who aren't his girlfriend, skate. I can hear the giggles from here as the girls take their turns attempting to balance just to end up falling, so he has to catch them, an action he doesn't seem to mind. I look around for Victoria and her friends, but they aren't here tonight.

We're sitting in the grass since the benches are full. On weeknights, there's really nothing better to do than hang out here or at the diner where several of our teachers and my dad's coworkers tend to gather around this time. I doubt they want to hang around me any more than I want to hang around them.

The damp earth beneath us is starting to seep through my jeans. I really do want to help Alice with Jasper, but the longer we sit here, the more I want to leave. The diner or just staying home sounds better than wet jeans.

I pull a few blades of grass from the ground, hold them up in the air, and then drop them in front of Alice. As I watch them flutter down, I say, "You see that? The wind is just right. Go talk to him."

"No, Bella. That's not a thing. You just made that up." Alice pulls out some grass as if she's going to test the wind for herself.

"I feel it too," Rose says. "It's perfect timing. You-know-who is all alone. Go make your move."

Alice looks up toward the sky as if the timing is better determined by the stars. She's still wearing the earrings I made her. I think she's just trying to be nice. She's never worn the same earrings for this long. "Maybe," she says. "I don't know. He _does_ look lonely. Bella, what did you say to your you-know-who when you first talked to him?"

I laugh, but it's with pride. Never before would I have thought I'd be a person anyone would go to for this type of advice. "I said, 'Hey.'"

She looks back up. Clearly, there are more answers in the constellations than what I'm giving her. "That doesn't help."

"He was all alone, so I asked if he was hiding out. Maybe you could ask your you-know-who why he's by himself."

"But I already know," Alice says. "He doesn't let girls on his board. He's here to skate."

Rosalie tilts her head back as she laughs. "How do you know that?"

Alice swishes her hand, as if the answer is obvious. "Because he never teaches anyone."

"Oh, well that explains it," Rosalie says, still laughing. "You don't have to ask him to teach you. Go ask him about those tricks he's doing."

"Yeah?" Alice looks to me.

"That'd be good. Do you want us to walk over with you?" I ask.

Alice pushes off the grass to stand and brushes off the back of her jeans. "No, I can do it, but maybe…how about if I wave, you girls come over?"

Rose and I agree and watch her walk away with her shoulders back, but the pace she's set is slow.

"Do you think she's going to do it?" I ask Rose.

"I hope so, but no. I don't think she's ever going to."

I watch Alice, willing her forward. "She might. Otherwise, it'd be weird that she's going over there for no reason."

Rosalie purses her lips, as if she's pondering what I've said. "You're right. She wouldn't do that. She might divert to talking to one of the girls, but she's definitely going to be within range."

I nod my agreement, but then Alice makes a sudden right and escapes through the gate.

Rose gasps. "What the…?"

I keep watching Alice until I see what she's already seen. While we were watching her, Alice caught sight of those Jeep headlights Rose and I were both looking out for.

I push off the wet earth and stand up. "Saved by the Jeep."

Rosalie rises to stand beside me, and we make our way over.

"Wow, and I was worried about you." Rosalie shakes her head at the display.

Alice has jumped into Emmett's arms, and he's spinning her around and around.

"I'm sure it's nothing," I say. Alice is so stuck on Jasper that she doesn't have room for anyone else, and I know firsthand that Emmett is pretty into Rosalie. "Let's go."

"Is he here to pick you up again?" Rosalie asks.

"I don't know." I check my phone. "I haven't heard anything."

As Emmett and Alice meet us just outside the gate, I say, "Hey, McCarty. Taking up skating?"

"Nope." He pats his hair as if he's checking for flyaways. It looks like he's added some sort of product to it this evening. "Just seeing if there are any girls around here who we can convince to hang out somewhere else."

At hearing the word, _we_ , I look over to the Jeep and find Edward there in the front seat. It's dark where they've parked, but I can make out the outline of his hoody and the shape of his face. I don't even think I'm here anymore. Mentally, I've accepted this invitation, and I'm already inside the vehicle with Edward.

Alice presses the toe of her black sneaker against the pavement, tampering down my excitement. She's not going to want to leave.

Rosalie pulls her hair over one shoulder and runs her hand down the length of it. "Where would we go?" she asks.

It's cute how both Emmett and Rose are checking their appearances with their hands. I tuck in my lips to hide my smile at their display.

"Oh, um," Emmett stammers as he looks at Rosalie. "We were headed to the gas station, but I have no clue after that."

"Alice drove," Rosalie says. "But we could follow you… Oh." She looks at Alice. "I don't know, though. We really like hanging out here, maybe next time."

Emmett's face contorts with confusion before he looks between the three of us and stops on Alice. "Which one?"

Alice takes a step backward. "Which one what? What are you talking about?"

"It's cool if you don't want to tell me," Emmett says. "I just thought I could help you out."

Alice glances over at Jasper and presses her hands together in front of her face as if she is praying. "If I tell you who, what are you going to do? He doesn't know. I'm not ready for him to know, not yet, okay?"

Emmett nods. "I'll just invite him along but wait. Who is it? A few of these guys are cool, but there are a couple I really don't want to hang out with."

Alice turns to me, so I nod. "I trust him, but it's up to you."

Emmett's face lights up at my words.

Alice looks back and forth a few times. "Okay." She stands on her toes, but Emmett still has to lean down, so she can speak in his ear.

"Got it. That I can do. You had me nervous for a minute there," Emmett says before stepping inside the gate and shouting, "Hey, Whitlock!"

Jasper starts skating over. The buzz of Alice's nervous energy is stronger than what's powering the light poles.

When Jasper comes to a stop on the other side of the fence, Emmett says, "Hey, man. We're gonna go hang out somewhere else. You wanna come?"

"Me?" Jasper asks. His voice is softer than I expected. He looks at our small group as if Emmett's request is just us messing with him. As he leans against the fence, his hand grasps the chain link. He's so close, but even with the fence separating them, Alice could reach over and touch his palm. I'm not sure she's noticed because she's not looking at him.

Who am I kidding? I know better. Of course, she's noticed. She's noticing everything.

"Yeah," Emmett says. "We're friends, right? Let's hang out."

Emmett braces himself against the fence, holding the links several inches above Jasper's hand. "C'mon, man. When's the last time we hung out?"

"I don't know." Jasper shrugs. "Middle school, I guess."

"Damn," Emmett says. "How the hell did that happen?"

Jasper looks back at James who gives him a look of question that almost looks annoyed before he turns back to the giggling girl that keeps falling into his arms. "Different friends or something."

"Well, we're going to have to fix that," Emmett says and holds his hand out toward us. "You know Rose, Bella, and Alice, right?"

Jasper barely gives us a glance before he says, "Sort of."

"Cool," Emmett says as he takes a step back. "We were going to head out, so come if you want."

"You sure?" Jasper asks.

Alice blurts out, "Yes!" Jasper looks at her, but she looks up at the sky as if it's still guiding her. "Or don't. Whatever."

"Or do," Rosalie says, and I add, "Yeah, it'd be really cool if you came."

"Okay," Jasper says as he picks up his board. "Let me go tell James I don't need a ride tonight."

I smile at Alice, ready to share in her excitement, but she doesn't look my way. Her expression looks as if she's trying to play it cool, but her grip on Rosalie's arm tells a different story.

"You okay, Alice?" I ask with a chuckle.

Her eyes widen and her lips mash together, as she nods and mumbles out, "Mmm hmm."

"Right, well…" I take a step back and motion over my shoulder. "I'll be over there, okay? Okay." I answer for them because it's not really a question. I waited to see what would happen with Jasper, but the pull is too strong. It's not like Edward can just come out here with all these girls around. It's only a matter of time before one of them comes over here to inquire with Emmett about Edward.

My steps toward the Jeep are hurried.

Edward opens the door as I approach. "Are you leaving with me?"

"Yes," I say as I step behind the door and the covering of the tinted windows. "Alice drove, so we're going to follow you to the gas station."

"Can you ride with us?" he asks as he stands up and lowers the front seat.

I eye the backseat and then my friends before I look at him, ready to climb back there and pull him with me, but I can't do that. I consider just texting them, but I don't want to be a horrible friend. "I want to," I say. "But let me go see."

"Okay." He leans against the side of the lowered seat and nods. "Go see."

It's hard to walk away from him, but somehow, I manage to pull myself away and walk towards my friends.

Alice and Rosalie are approaching Alice's car as Emmett and Jasper head toward Emmett's. This whole girl-car, boy-car seating arrangement has me wondering if it's ideal for any of us.

"Hey," I say just as Alice opens her car door. "Edward wants me to ride with them, but maybe we can all switch around."

Alice's hands go to her hips as she looks over toward the Jeep. "Edward Cullen is over there trying to get you in the back seat of a car and you're over here."

"Uh," Rosalie says as she makes her way to the passenger side. "Bella, why?"

"I just thought—"

"We're fine," Alice says. "Go. I'm kind of freaking out, so I could use a few minutes to calm down."

I nod my understanding. As far as moments go, for Alice, this is pretty huge. "Are you okay to drive?"

"Driving relaxes me. Just make sure McCarty doesn't drive too recklessly." Alice climbs into her car and shoves her key into the ignition.

"Okay."

Rosalie leans over Alice and shoos me with her hands. "Edward Cullen, Bella. Edward Cullen."

I smile, and Alice giggles before she says, "Go," and closes her door.

The way the guys are standing almost looks as if Edward is blocking them from entering the vehicle, but really, I think Edward's using the door and tinted window as a shield from potential onlookers.

"Yay or nay?" Edward asks as I approach.

"Yay," I say, and he shifts so I can pass and climb in. I scoot over to the other side to make room for him.

"I can sit in the back," Jasper says and moves to do just that.

Jasper's board leads the way. It's halfway in the vehicle when Edward steps in front of him, says, "No," and gets in beside me. He pulls up the front seat. When he looks at me, he tilts his head in Jasper's direction and asks, "Why?"

I smile at the perplexed look on his face. He's annoyed but in a confused sort of way. I place my hand on his cheek. "Even numbers," I say, but that's it. Emmett may know, but I'm not going to blurt out Alice's secret, especially with Jasper so close.

Jasper looks back at our proximity once he's settled in the front seat. "Hey, sorry. I wasn't trying to—"

"It's fine," Edward says. "Just don't and we're good."

I don't know if he's worried about Jasper and me. I hope he knows it's not necessary, but I kind of like him being possessive of me.

"I won't. I swear." Jasper looks nervous, like he needs reassurance.

I'm about to tell him it's okay, but Emmett laughs and says, "Don't worry about it. He's an ass to everybody."

"Am I?" Edward asks me.

"No," I say just as the tips of our noses brush.

"Yeah, well that's a first," Emmett says. "He's an ass to everyone but her."

Edward doesn't respond, so I say, "Just drive safe, okay?"

"What?" Emmett asks and draws in a deep hissing breath. "Swan, I thought you trusted me. I always drive safe." He looks at us through the rearview. "Put seatbelts on, though, will you? I'm pretty sure when it comes to you, even minor infractions are cause for getting arrested."

"Yeah, okay," I say, annoyed at the dig about my dad being a cop, but we pull on our seatbelts anyway. It's not the first time someone's mentioned getting arrested because of me, not that anyone really would, but for some reason, people find the idea worth mentioning.

"Ignore him," Edward says, his voice lowered as he speaks to just me. "He just says things to say them."

I nod as whatever the magnetized effect in the air is whenever were close has us moving in even closer. As we drive away from the park, there's a mutual head tilt and a leaning in before the other people in the vehicle with us are forgotten, and we're kissing in the dark backseat.

We don't stop even when Jasper laughs and says. "I feel like I was just part of a covert operation to bring Swan to Cullen."

"Welcome to my life," Emmett says.

Edward pulls away from me just long enough to say, "Em, I'm at my limit."

Emmett lets out a booming laugh. "Sorry, everyone. Cullen's at his limit." He turns his stereo up so loud that I'm surprised he doesn't blow out his speakers.

The increased volume drowns out Jasper and Emmett's laughter, but I don't care about their amusement when Edward pushes his hands in my hair and braces me as he opens his mouth to kiss me deeper.

As soon as the car stops, Edward unbuckles our seatbelts and pulls me closer.

Emmett kills the engine, cutting the sound of the stereo.

"Wow!" Jasper says from the front seat. "I have a couch in my garage, if you guys need it."

Edward looks at me, shaking his head with a scoff and a smile before he gives me a look like, can you believe this guy? "We're good," Edward says. "Thank you, though."

"A couch, huh?" Emmett asks.

Jasper takes off his hat and places it on the end of his board. "Well, there's two of them, but yeah. I have an old TV and a game system out there now too. I'm still saving up for a mini fridge, but I have a cooler."

I smile, looking at Jasper's skateboard wearing his hat as I imagine blond curls spiraling out from under it and the board coming to life like a cartoon character.

"Can we hang out there?" Emmett asks.

I hold my breath for his answer. Thinking of what Alice's response will be if we go over there, I can almost hear how high-pitched her squeal will be.

Jasper turns his hat around, so the skateboard is now wearing it backward. "It's not that great, really. I'm still working on it, but if you want to, yeah, I guess."

Emmett laughs. "Okay, I'm down, but is it really okay if…you know…we bring the girls or are your parents going to freak out?"

Jasper glances back at me before responding to Emmett. "Yeah, it's fine. My parents can't stand Victoria and her friends, so having girls around that don't think they own everything in the world would probably be good."

Emmett laughs. "All those girls hang out and watch you skate, and do that whole teach me, teach me thing. You're telling me you don't bring any of them home to your garage?"

"Oh, well," Jasper says, and even though Edward's running his fingers up and down my arm, some of my attention is tuned into what Jasper's saying, ready to commit it to memory to relay to Alice later. Edward feels really good, though, but maybe I'm a better friend than I give myself credit for. "I don't know that any of them would," Jasper continues. "There are a lot of girls that do that, but none of them have ever asked me to teach them. It's cool, though. Hey, I can pay for gas. Do you guys want anything else?"

My hand went over my heart the moment I heard Jasper say no one's ever asked him to teach them how to skate, and it's still there. I don't know how it's possible with all those girls that not one of them has ever asked him.

Emmett opens his door. "Don't worry about gas. We invited you out."

"Are you sure?" Jasper asks as he releases his seatbelt. "I don't have a car, so I pay for James' gas all the time. I don't mind."

"Nah, I'm good." Emmett shakes his head with a smile.

Now my hand is at my mouth as I worry just how much Jasper pays to catch rides with James. Why is Jasper even friends with him?

Jasper turns to look at us. "Want anything?"

As I look at him, I lower my hand. "Maybe some girls think you're just there to skate."

"Oh," he says. "You think?"

"Maybe." I don't want to give many more of Alice's thoughts, and I don't want to encourage him to start offering skating lessons, but he shouldn't have to be in the frame of mind that no one is interested in him when that's so far from being true.

"I guess I am there to skate," Jasper says. "But I wouldn't mind teaching someone, either. Except for the girls that show up in skirts and heels. That's kind of weird."

I'm about to agree, but I'm interrupted when Edward hands Jasper a twenty. "Get her some gummy bears, would you?" he asks in a gruff tone that he softens when he adds, "Please?"

Jasper looks more than happy to accept the task. I watch Jasper head over to Alice's car. My heart swells. I lean over Edward to try and get a better view of Alice's reaction.

"That whole nobody-likes-me thing really does it for you, huh?"

I whip around to look at Edward, thrown off by his question. "What? No. Not for me, but I know for a fact that there is someone that really likes him."

Edward stares straight ahead. The shape of his profile is perfect. He's not happy at all, but there's something about this expression he's wearing that has me completely enamored and smiling at how cute he is.

"That someone who likes him isn't me. You know that, right? Are you being jealous?" I ask and start playing with the zipper on his hoody.

He peeks over at me. "No." His stare goes back to the front passenger seat.

"No?" I pull his zipper all the way down before tugging on the material to shift him toward me. When he turns my way, I ask, "Are you sure? It kind of seems like you are."

The corner of his mouth curves up when he sees my amusement. "I don't know. Maybe." His hand covers mine.

"You don't need to be. You don't like Jasper?" I ask as I move my hand to interlock our fingers.

He rolls his eyes the moment I say Jasper's name. "I don't like the way he looked at you when you climbed back here, and why'd he try and sit with you?"

My face transforms into a playful pout. I'm pretty sure Jasper's offer to sit in the back was so that Edward could sit up front and not because he wanted to sit by me. For whatever reason, even though this is what I'm thinking, it's not what I'm compelled to say. I don't know where the words come from when I open my mouth to speak and what comes out is me asking, "You weren't watching me?"

"Don't say that. I'm always watching you." He grasps my chin with the hand I'm not holding, angles our heads, and kisses my lips.

I should probably be texting Alice to fill her in on what I've learned, but that will have to wait. Edward Cullen is kissing me. I think she'll understand. His mouth goes to my neck. It seems he's figured out the exact spots I like the most because those are the spots he concentrates on immediately. I'm torn between wanting to ask him to stop before one of the guys gets back and hears the whimper that I'm bound to let out and asking him to reconsider this couch in Jasper's garage.

Jasper interrupts when he opens the door and reaches behind the seat, handing Edward a bag of gummy bears and his twenty-dollar bill. "The other girls wanted candy too, so I just paid for everything together."

"Oh," Edward says as he looks down at the money. "Thanks."

When Jasper walks over to Alice's car, Edward holds the gummy bears toward me, and says, "Here. I tried to buy you candy."

I open them up and pop one in my mouth before offering the bag to him. "Thank you. These are my favorite. How did you know?"

He shakes his head and smiles at me as he takes a few. We both know that I told him a few nights ago.

When Emmett and Jasper get back in the car, Emmett says, "Next stop, Whitlock's."

"Sure, whatever." Edward leans between the seats and rifles through the paper bag filled with snacks that Emmett bought.

I get out my phone to text Alice the plan, but I don't get a chance to type in anything before a text from her comes in.

 _ **Am I dreaming? His house? For real?**_

I look in her direction and smile as I text back, _**For real.**_

 _ **.**_

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Author's Note: Hi to everyone still following this story. Sorry for the wait. I didn't want there to be a wait between this chapter and the next, as it's a continuation of the same night, so the next chapter is ready to be posted next Wednesday. Teaser on Facebook on Monday: Mylissa Denicks

So many thanks to YourVixen, sri ffn, and dazzledeyes22 for the prereader and beta work and helping me through all the different versions of these chapters. Thank you! Thank you!

And thanks to everyone still reading. I'd love to know your thoughts.


	15. Chapter 15

*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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Jasper's garage isn't what I expected. I used to spend a lot of time with Jake and his friends in Quil's garage, and while there was a couch and a TV pushed off to the side, there were still tools and oil stains on the concrete floor that one would expect to see in such a space. Even though it's still clearly a garage, aside from a couple of skateboard ramps stacked in one corner, it's set up like a place meant to hang out.

Jasper's garage has a layer of carpet laid over the floor. The two tan couches are positioned in the shape of an L, facing a boxy TV that reminds me of the one my mom set up in my bedroom back when we first moved to Phoenix. There are skateboard posters hung up on the walls of people and moves that I couldn't come close to naming even if I searched my mind for some sort of skateboard knowledge. A well-used coffee table sits in the center of the room. The only other garage-like features are the fluorescent lighting flickering overhead and the chill in the air.

If someone had told me a month ago that I'd be standing in Jasper Whitlock's garage with Edward Cullen's arm around my waist, I wouldn't have believed it. I doubt Alice or Rose would either, or really, any of these guys for that matter. So much has changed. Since Edward's arm is there, I lean back against his body because I'm kind of cold, but even more so, I like the way I fit. His arm wraps around me tighter. I like that too.

Alice does a full circle in the middle of the room. "It's nice in here."

"Thanks," Jasper says, and I wonder if he has any idea that it's because of her that all of us are here right now. "I'll be right back. I'm just going to grab some drinks from the house."

He shoves an empty cooler with his shoe as he walks out, as if he's mad it's not already stocked or that it isn't that mini fridge he was talking about on the way here.

As soon as he's gone, Alice falls back on the couch that's pushed up against the wall. "I don't know how to do this."

Emmett dumps his bag of candy and chips out on the scuffed, black laminated coffee table. "What do you mean? You're doing fine."

"What if he doesn't like me?" She throws an arm over her eyes.

Rosalie sits beside her and asks, "What if he does?"

Edward chuckles in my ear before he says, "So she's the one who likes him."

"Uh, maybe," I say, surprised that she's given away this carefully kept secret. Alice is panicking though, and I can't bear it. I squeeze Edward's arm as I whisper, "I need to talk to her," before I step out of his hold.

He nods as he lets me go.

I take the seat on the other side of Rosalie. Edward and Emmett sit down on opposite ends of the other couch with Edward sitting on the spot within arm's reach of me. I feel warmer just by his choice alone. I like that he chose to sit near me.

Alice and I lean toward Rosalie as she sits in between us.

"I can't, Bella. I mean, I'm amazed at you and Cullen, but I can't do this. Maybe if we talk about how you did it more, I'll know how, but right now, I can't."

"You don't have to do anything," I say, trying to reassure her. "I think he might appreciate you trying though. He was talking some in the car, and Alice, you were right that he's there to skate, but he also said no one's ever asked him to teach them."

Alice's jaw drops while Rosalie's voice picks up as she says, "But how? Jasper is so cute."

"Is he?" Emmett asks, sounding envious of Rosalie's declaration.

Edward scoffs and says, "Apparently."

I look at Edward, ready to protest his jealousy of Jasper, but he smiles at me.

"You," Alice says, eyes narrowing at Edward. "You've probably seen every trick there is. What should I do?"

Edward wipes his palms on his jeans. "I don't know. Tricks don't work."

"Okay," Rosalie says as Alice sinks back further against the couch. "But what does?"

Emmett gives me a look. As he squints his eyes and chews the inside of his cheek, I know what Edward means by being able to tell when he's about to say something he thinks is funny, even if others don't. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about what's about to come out of his mouth, but then he says, "I bet offering to guard his skateboard would work."

I can't help but laugh as does Rose, even Alice cracks a smile.

Edward laughs too, but he shoves Emmett's shoulder. "Would you knock it off?" He turns back to us, points to Rosalie and me, and says, "Switch spots. When he comes back, he'll have to sit over here, and then Bella can trade him seats. You're welcome."

To me, it almost sounds like one of those tricks he just said won't work, albeit, a mild idea compared to what he's used to hearing, but he has Alice's full attention as she sits up straighter, nods, and says, "Okay, that's good, but then wh—" The door opening interrupts her question, but she recovers and looks at me. "What are you writing for your introduction?"

I'm about to play along and answer her question, but Jasper's phone rings just as he clicks the door closed by pushing against it with his back, since his arms are full of bottled drinks. He rolls his eyes and gives us a disbelieving smile, as he sets the plastic bottles down on the coffee table. "Take whatever," he says to us before turning to Emmett and pulling his phone from his pocket. "Can you say hi to my mom? She doesn't believe you're here, and if she comes out here, she's never leaving. I can promise you that."

Emmett cracks his knuckles and says, "Yeah, I've got this," before he takes the phone and answers the call. "Mrs. Whitlock, how are you this evening?" His voice is several octaves higher than normal, making me wonder if he's interested in acting with what I'm seeing from him now and the different ways I've seen him act at the few parties we've both been at.

"Right, Laurie. My bad." Emmett chuckles followed by a pause as he listens to the voice on the other end. "Yeah, sorry about that. I'll start coming around more."

Jasper mouths, "Sorry," to us.

Alice says in a lowered voice, "You're fine. Don't worry. My mom is just as bad."

"Mine can be too," Rosalie adds.

"Don't worry about it," is all I say because what else would I say? If I told my mom I had an old friend in the garage along with some people she's never met, she'd probably just declare she was going out and ask my opinion on which dress she should wear. I guess it is what it is, so I look over at Edward instead of thinking about her.

He glances at me and does a double take when he catches me staring. He raises his brows in question, but I just shrug and smile. He shakes his head, but he's smiling right back at me.

Emmett's new voice fills the room again as he says, "She's good. You know, still working with my dad at the shop and stuff. My aunt opened a thrift store in Port Angeles, so she's out there a lot too."

Jasper rolls his eyes again and motions for Emmett to hurry it along, but Emmett leans back and crosses his legs, as if he's ready to relax and enjoy the conversation.

When Edward reaches for a drink, Rosalie stands up and grabs one as well. Alice and I follow her lead, standing up before reaching for a drink. Rose tugs on my elbow before we sit back down, pulling me in the direction of her seat before she takes mine. I can feel the growing gap in space between Edward and me, but if this plan of his works out, I'll be sitting by him soon, or on him. The back of my neck heats up. Could I really do that? Just walk over and sit on him. I peek over at him, but he's not looking at me anymore, which is probably good because if he was, he might figure out which train my thoughts are on now.

"Yep, she sure is Chief Swan's daughter," Emmett says as he turns his grin my way. "Did you want to talk to her?"

My jaw drops and Emmett's smile grows impossibly wider, but at least he keeps talking instead of handing the phone off to me. I have no clue what I would say to her. "You're right about Cullen's parents too." He looks at Edward, reaches over, and ruffles his hair. "You know what, I think I'm going to go with he looks more like his mom."

Edward doesn't say anything, but he scoffs as he pushes Emmett's hand away. Edward pushes his hair back, before pulling up the hood on his hoody. Maybe if I was beside him, I'd object to the obstructed view, but from here, I can still see his face.

As Emmett starts reminiscing with Laurie Whitlock about childhood days, I twist the cap off the bottle, feeling the rippled plastic edge press into my skin before I take a drink.

Edward and I both give an impression based off who our parents are it seems. I don't know if that bothers Edward, but the more I hear it, the more it gets to me.

As soon as Emmett hangs up the phone, he hands it to Jasper and says, "There you go."

Jasper says, "Yeah, thanks for all that," and then sits on the coffee table and turns on the TV. Once it's on, he doesn't move to sit between Emmett and Edward. He stays where he is. Alice grabs my arm, pleading with her eyes, but I don't know what to do now, either. We didn't have an elaborate plan to begin with let alone a plan B.

"There are only four controllers," Jasper says as he holds two toward Alice, Rose, and me. "Wanna play?"

Alice and I decline, me with a, "No, that's okay," and Alice with a shake of her head and a finger pointed Rosalie's way.

Rosalie gives Alice a sideways look but takes the controller anyway.

Once Emmett and Edward have a controller and Jasper has a game set up, Emmett says, "Hey, man. I can't really see."

"Oh, sorry." Jasper gets up to take the spot between Edward and Emmett.

I don't miss my cue. I stand and say, "Wait. Can I trade you? I've had too much girl time lately."

"And I have not," Jasper says as he passes by me to sit between my friends.

I have to tuck my lips in to keep from laughing at his comment.

Emmett lets his own laughter out full force. "You and me both." Through a cough, he says, "Cullen," and then clears his throat.

Edward's brow furrows as he reaches for my hand, guiding me to sit beside him as he says, "I haven't either."

"Not too much?" I ask as I lean into him.

"Definitely not enough." Edward gives me a smile that rivals Emmett's mischievous one. "Hey, Brandon. Your friend's too distracting. You're going to have to play."

"What? No. I don't know how," she says, but she takes the controller he offers anyway.

It's subtle, but I catch the nod of Edward's head toward Jasper. Emmett and Edward have proven to be so much better at helping her with her Jasper obsession than both Rosalie and I combined.

Alice looks as lost as Jasper did when Emmett first asked him to hang out with us as she looks at him and asks, "Hey…um…will you show me how?"

"Of course, yeah." Jasper angles his body towards Alice.

Rosalie and I share smiles before she mouths a thank you to Edward.

When everyone else in the room is caught up in the game, Edward pulls my legs onto his lap.

"So, I'm distracting?" I ask, placing my hand over his when he sets it on my thigh.

"Very," he says and rubs his thumb on my skin. He lifts my hand to his face and examines it. "What happened?" he asks.

I look at the scratch he's found and keep my voice low as I tell him, "Jabbed myself when I was working on Emmett's bracelet."

Edward lifts my hand to his mouth and presses his lips to my small injury. "You know you don't have to make him one."

"I know," I say. "I want to." I pull his hand, so I can get a closer look at his and separate his thumb from the rest of his hand. There's no stopping the smile that spreads when I reveal not only his usual eye drawing but also the shape of the flower on my necklace surrounding it. "Do you have a pen?"

He reaches in his pocket and pulls one out. I give him the back of my hand.

As his pen moves across my skin, Rosalie and Emmett exchange shy glances, Alice beams every time she plays well, and Jasper congratulates her. It's hard to imagine a moment could ever be any better.

Watching Edward, I feel like I'm flying. I don't just have a crush, and though I do like him, I can feel myself falling deeper. When he's done, he looks from me to his artwork with the kind of smile I hope I'm not reading too far into.

When he leans in for a kiss, the first thought in my mind as our lips connect is that I could never possibly want to kiss any other lips. These thoughts are intense. My feelings are growing at a rampant pace, and I need to calm them. It's too much too soon, but feelings for him overwhelm any worry I have. Our kiss is broken when his phone vibrates my leg from his pocket. Those girls, maybe I can get over them most days, but at this moment, their interruption makes me want to throw his phone out the window. His phone is lucky this garage doesn't have windows or maybe it's me that's lucky. No windows mean I can't act out the outburst in my mind. I can just leave it there locked inside.

Edward doesn't reach for it, just lets it keep buzzing against my leg. I hate this. I'm not jealous of them. He doesn't like them. I know that, but just like Jasper didn't know that Edward would be the one sitting beside me, these girls don't know to respect our relationship because he isn't officially mine.

His phone buzzes again, and I move my legs off his lap.

"Sorry," he says, while he pulls it out and groans.

"What is it this time?" Emmett asks, setting down his controller before reaching for the phone.

Emmett whistles when he looks at the screen, and Rosalie says, "Let me see."

Despite the heavy weight that's settled in my stomach, I catch the way their fingers brush as he hands her the phone.

I'm frozen in my spot. I don't even know what's on his phone, but I hate it. I hate this feeling. I hate the whole situation.

"Ew," Rose says before tilting the phone toward Alice and Jasper.

Jasper raises a brow at Edward and Alice looks at me like she feels bad for me. I wish I could wave this one off, but the feeling won't go away. I give Alice a slight smile because I'll be okay, but I appreciate her realizing that this isn't easy.

"Can you just delete it?" Edward asks when Rose tries to give the phone back.

"Sure." Rose does what he's asked. "Do you know who it is?"

"No, they never say, and I never ask, so I don't know," Edward says to her, but then his hand is on my chin, turning me to face him.

"Why don't you just change your number?" Alice asks.

Edward doesn't answer her. He's looking at me. If he asks what's wrong, I don't know what I'm going to say to him. I try to clear my head, push aside negative feelings, and move on from them.

Emmett answers Alice for him. "He changes it all the time. They still get it."

"You could block the numbers," Alice says, her tone soft and reassuring.

Edward's still looking at me, his gaze deepening.

"Doesn't matter. We've tried, but they don't send those through their numbers," Emmett says.

"Sneaky," Rose says but then she's making a sound as if she's just seen the sweetest kitten, but she's still looking at Edward's phone. "That's so cute. Alice, look."

"Let's go outside," Edward says as he leans near my ear.

I manage a nod, and he takes his phone from Rose.

Emmett whistles behind us as we head for the door. I expect Edward to say something to him, but he ignores it and reaches for the knob. I'm led to the side of the house, away from the view of the front door. A street light shines on us, so it's not too dark, and the hood of Edward's hoody has fallen back off.

The moment we stop, his hands are in my hair as he holds my head and makes eye contact, saying "I'm sorry. Bella, I'm so sorry. I swear I just delete it when I get stuff like that." He kisses my cheeks, my forehead, and then my nose.

"It's okay," I say, as his desperate worry has me wanting to soothe it.

"It's not. It's bothering you." He pulls me into his arms, clinging on in a way that feels like he has no intention of letting go. "I don't want to lose you because of them."

"You won't," I say, squeezing him right back until the knots that have raveled up my insides go slack. "I can handle it." I loosen my hold, so I can look in his eyes. "I don't want to lose you, either, because of them or at all. What's their deal anyway? It's not even a weekend. I thought that's the only time they send those."

He lets out a short laugh, closes his eyes, and lays his forehead on my shoulder. I get my hands up under both his hoody and T-shirt and run the pads of my fingertips up and down his back.

"What did Rose think was so cute on your phone?" I ask, breaking the silence after a while.

I feel the shake of his head against my ear.

"I don't get to know?" I ask in the pouty voice he brings out in me.

He presses his lips to my collarbone before pulling out his phone. He does nothing more than unlock his screen when there it is. One of the photos he took of us the other day, the one of me kissing his cheek, is saved as the background image on his phone. I grab his shirt and pull him to me, kissing him as my back meets the siding of the garage. I don't care about things like other girls sending pictures to his phone or even where his phone has ended up as he catches up to my attack and gets a hand back in my hair as the other one grips my hip. I don't care about girls that can't have him and overwhelming feelings that feel like a whirlwind. All I care about is us and now. I want more of all of this. It doesn't matter what this is. If it's me and him, I want more of it.

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 **Author's Note:** Hi, I'm excited that so many of you are still around after so long between postings and relieved to get such a nice response when it comes to jealous Edward.

Thanks so much to sri ffn and YourVixen for prereading and dazzledeyes22 for betaing. All three contribute so much in helping me make this a better story.

And thanks to you for reading.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

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As I lie in bed with my phone resting on my pillow, the darkness doesn't mask the longing. I blame the kisses Edward left up and down my neck before and after he drove me home from Jasper's. I wasn't done with those. As good as it felt the first few times, somehow, it seems like he's gotten even better at it.

Running my fingers along the skin of my neck and dragging them down to my shoulder, I can almost feel the heat there, seared into my skin just like the mark he left behind. This one will last a little longer than the ink drawing on the back of my hand. Either marking, I'd be happy to keep forever, or even better, having the actions that caused them repeated over and over again.

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 _Outside of Jasper's garage, Edward hooked his fingers into my belt loops and pulled me away from the wall. He separated his mouth from mine to say, "You have to be home soon?"_

 _My hips moved with the guidance of his hands, but that was nothing new. Wherever he went, my body followed, seeking every chance to be close to him. "I still have time, but it's okay if I'm late."_

 _I could see the reflection of the streetlight in his eyes as he grinned. He leaned in and kissed my cheek, not in a sweet way, but in a way that held against my skin and electrified it. "There's a pretty good chance I'm not sharing you with your friends again before we leave."_

 _I didn't want to share him either._

" _They'll understand." A gentle sigh fell from my mouth at the brush of his lips trailing down to my collar bone. The sounds he pulled out of me weren't so bad. They spurred him on. Next, he was pulling my shirt a few inches off my shoulder and sucking on my skin._

 _My knees buckled as I felt the burning sensation that I knew would leave a mark behind. Who cared about curfews anyway? What would my dad even do if I broke it? It felt like the best time to find out. Whatever my dad did, spending more time with Edward would have been worth it._

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We weren't late, despite my willingness to stay. Edward didn't want to cause problems, so he led me back inside and borrowed Emmett's keys. Neither Alice or Rosalie have an exact curfew. Their parents just ask that they check in and let them know what's going on. Abiding by my curfew has never been a big deal, but now, I wonder if I should try to strike the same deal with my dad that Alice and Rose have with their parents. If I plead a case that it's an arrangement based on trust and communication, I bet he'd go for it...maybe.

Tonight, all my curfew has gotten me is being alone in my bed wishing I was somewhere else, or at least with someone, a particular someone. I don't get out of bed because it's warm, but I look at my window and wonder how hard it would be to climb out. It hasn't even been five minutes since Edward and I ended our goodnight phone call, but I grab my phone and find his name in my call log.

When he answers, I say, "This is dumb."

His breathy chuckle gives me goosebumps, amplifying the needy feeling that had me calling back in the first place. "What is?" he asks.

"This," I say. "Why are you there and I'm here? I don't like it. Why did we do this?"

"So you wouldn't get in trouble." He laughs again, and I'm still pouting.

"I swear I'm the only one in Forks with a curfew." I get out of bed and head to my window. My bed may be warm but being with him would be warmer.

"You're not," he says. "I have to be home by like ten-ish on school nights."

"Ish?" I ask as I look at how far down it is to get to the ground.

"I take ten as meaning ten fifty-nine."

Now I'm laughing as I step away from my window and sit back down on my bed. "Of course, you do. How do you sneak out of your house?"

"I don't."

My brow furrows. "Then how did you stay here that night my dad worked?"

"I mean…I did try to sneak out then, but my dad caught me, so it doesn't count."

I groan as I feel, even second-hand, the heavy-weighted guilt from parental disappointment. "Seriously?"

"Hey, babe, don't worry about it. He didn't care."

"He didn't?" The weight lifts a little as I lie back down. If he couldn't get out of his house without getting caught, I doubt I could get out of mine. My dad's a cop.

"No," he says through a chuckle. "He asked if it was drugs or a girl. I guess a girl is a valid reason because he just said to get out before my mom caught me."

"Oh." In the same situation, I don't know what either of my parents would have done. Thinking about my mom's reaction might be may not be daunting, but I'd rather not find out what my dad would do. I yawn as I say, "Okay." Adjusting my blankets, I find myself nearing the same position I was in when I first called him back. "This really is dumb though."

"What part?" he asks.

I hesitate before deciding to just say it more seriously this time. "The part where I'm not with you right now."

"Yeah?" His voice takes on this softer quality as if he likes what I've said.

I think maybe telling him more of what I'm thinking isn't so bad, but I still don't want to get carried away with rambling or saying anything that might come across as too much. "Uh huh. Maybe I'm just being needy, but tonight went by too fast."

"It did," he says, squashing any worry I had about telling him some of what I'm feeling. "You're not needy though. Trust me. I've seen needy and you're definitely not."

"Okay," I say even though I imagine if I removed all filters and told him everything, he'd probably take that back.

Right now, in the stillness of the night, I feel restless. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with all these feelings.

When I'm silent again, he asks, "Are you okay?"

I don't know what to say. Are people supposed to share when they're feeling overwhelmed in this way? I may be horrible at both the physical and emotional aspects of connecting, but with him, somehow, the physical is a lot less intimidating. "There's a hickey on my shoulder," I say.

I can hear the smile in his voice as he says, "That's a weird spot. Why would anyone do that?"

"It's not weird. I like it." My words come out without any second guessing, but not without noticing that's what I've done.

"Yeah?" he asks, and the softness is back, fueling something in me that wants to make him sound like that again.

I brush my fingers against where the mark is. I don't have to see it to remember the exact spot. "Yeah."

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.

.

The first thing I do even before the remnants of sleep have cleared is reach for my phone and bring it onto the bed. I don't know if I'm waking Edward up too early on a Saturday morning, but good-morning texts can't wait. Before I've even unlocked my screen, I squint my eyes at the good-morning notification already on my screen with a name above it that isn't one I'm happy to see.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I say to the phone and drop it onto my mattress.

I take a deep breath, annoyed that the nice start to my morning has been ruined because Jake has decided once again to reach out to me. I delete the message with no desire to encourage anything friendly. The offer of trying to be friends was squashed the moment it was given and it's not something I'll be offering again.

With his message gone, my most recent messages look so much better. I press Edward's name and text him, _**Hey, good morning. How'd you sleep?**_

He's quick to respond. _**Fine, you? What are you doing today?"**_

I smile at my phone because it doesn't even matter that it's just a simple exchange. It's him, and it's me. I don't think it's possible for me not to smile when the two are combined. _**Fine.**_ _ **Not much today until Alice and Rose come over later. We take turns at each other's houses, and we're at mine tonight. You?**_

 _ **Leaving for work now and then my parents asked me to hang around later. Apparently, I'm gone too much.**_

I don't know why I'm disappointed that I won't see him. I just saw him last night, but it doesn't change that I am. I always want to see him. _**I'm sorry I kept you up. I didn't realize you worked so early.**_

 _ **Don't be sorry about that. You could've called back a few more times, and I wouldn't have minded. I'll text you if I can and call you later.**_

Words of goodbye leave me wishing we could go back in time to start the conversation over, though if I'm going back in time, I might as well go back a little farther. I would try to go back to sleep, so I could recall last night and how I got this mark on my shoulder, but when the morning comes, I'll skip over the part where Jake texts me.

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.

.

 _I ignored the vibration of my phone as it laid beside me on Alice's hot-pink bedspread. I knew who it was, and by then, had a good idea of what it probably said._

 _Rosalie closed her lipstick tube and rubbed her lips together. "And I'm out."_

" _Really, Rose?" Alice said as she set down her scissors. "You didn't even help us with anything."_

 _Rose jutted out her lower lip before pointing to the stack of last year's school supplies on Alice's desk that we were supposed to be recycling into bedroom decor. "I brought supplies. That counts, right?"_

 _Alice rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure. Whatever. Bye."_

" _I'll make it up to you. I promise," Rosalie said to Alice before turning to me. "Bye, Bella. Tell Jake hi for me."_

 _She glanced at my phone, as if she knew about the texts I'd gone without answering. I scoffed internally and forced a smile as I lifted the phone. "Yeah, sure." I told him she said hi before answering his weekly question of what time my dad and I would be heading out to La Push on Friday. I gave him the same answer every week. It wasn't this epic romance like Alice and Rosalie made it seem. Guys and girls can be friends. Jake and I knew that, so why didn't Alice and Rosalie? I prepared myself to hear all about how cute we were together and to try not to gag at the implication, but when I looked up, Alice was glaring at her empty doorway._

" _I don't get it," Alice said and picked up her scissors._

" _Yeah, me either." I wasn't sure what I was agreeing to, but I knew she'd continue, and I'd agree to anything that kept the attention off me. Not only did I not want to hear her imply that my friendship with Jake was something more, I, like Rosalie, hadn't really helped her with her latest project. It wasn't that I didn't want to help, but whatever she was envisioning wasn't something I was crafty enough or creative enough to do._

" _I just don't see it. I get with you and Jake. The two of you are perfect for each other, but Rosalie and Alec don't make sense."_

 _I gave her a tight smile as disappointment over Jake and I being brought into this conversation attempted to come out. I knew she meant well, but I didn't understand where it came from._

" _I know, I know," she said, leaving her scissors wedged into the cover of my old history notebook as she set them down. "It's not like that, but even your non-relationship is better than her actual one. Jake makes you happy and doesn't require all your time. Rosalie ditches us for Alec, and he's barely even cute, and he's not even nice."_

 _I rolled my eyes. I didn't spend all my time with Jake because like she'd just said, it was a non-relationship, so there really was no comparison. "Barely even cute?" I asked, not imagining anyone had ever downplayed how attractive the guy was as much as Alice had._

" _Oh, whatever. You know what I mean. He's cute enough, but it's not like he's Cullen-level like Rosalie seems to think. Now, that's just delusion."_

 _I snorted and lifted my phone. This guy, who the girl-population of Forks' High considered more attractive than all others, was its own form of delusion._

 _I smiled at the stream of memes Jake had sent while Alice continued._

" _You know how Cullen got a car for his birthday?"_

" _Mmm hmm," I mumbled as I went through the messages, not having the slightest idea. Everyone had started getting cars for their birthdays or saving up to buy their own._

" _So yesterday he left the window cracked and someone shoved their underwear through it."_

" _Eww," I said, my smile from the contents on my phone soured as a new image filled my mind. "What is wrong with people? Do you know who it was?"_

 _Alice laid her hands flat on her desk and leaned forward. "I think it was Kate, but no one knows. I heard there was a note, but Cullen and McCarty won't say. McCarty threw them in the street though, so everyone saw. If you didn't rush out of there every day, you wouldn't miss these things."_

" _I'll work on that," I said, with no intention of following through. "Why would she do that? I thought that dance was over, and he didn't go with anyone. Are we getting a head start on prom?"_

" _Yeah, I think we're over trying to get him to go to dances, and he's a guy, so eventually he'll sleep with someone and this Cullen-craze might be done. Who knows, but hey, if you're going to keep friend-zoning Jake, you could always try with Cullen." She batted her lashes._

 _I laughed, grateful to turn the subject anywhere rather than on Jake and me. "I'd say I'd think about it, but now that we're on to seducing him and not just dates and dances, I think I missed my opportunity. You should have pushed me to try with him a few weeks ago."_

" _Dang it," she said. "I should have thought of that. I hate missed opportunities. Now, would you get over here? I'm glad you're not ditching me like someone else we know, but don't think I haven't noticed that you've been over there this whole time not helping me."_

 _I sent Jake a final response, letting him know I'd see him Friday and ending the conversation for the evening. With comments like Alice and even Rose tended to make, I didn't know if I was leading him on in some way._

 _._

 _._

 _._

"Dad," I say, loud enough to be heard over the TV as I stand behind the couch. "I'm running to the store before Alice and Rosalie get here. Do you need anything?"

He lifts the remote and mutes the weather forecast. "How about I go to the store and you call your mom?"

My nose scrunches up. "Fine. I'll call her." Talking to her has become an unwanted chore, but I don't want to be a brat. She is my mother. "I'll text you my list."

"Oh, goodie," he says, still inept with his smart phone.

I check my reflection before starting a video call. I'm in no mood to hear about my appearance.

"Hi, baby," she says when she appears on my phone screen. "Jodie, it's Bella."

Jodie presses her cheek to my mother's. "Hi, Bella. When are you coming home?" Her blonde curls are pulled back in the same fashion as my mother's dark hair. They are both makeup free with glowing skin as if they've just spent the morning at the spa, and knowing them, they probably have.

"Thanksgiving?" I question because that's the last plan I'd heard.

They both make faces and look at each other as if they don't like my answer.

Jodie takes the phone, and I can no longer see my mom. "There's nowhere to run a booth that weekend. How's your inventory coming along?"

I open my mouth, close it, and take a deep breath through my nose. "I thought I was just sending stuff."

My mom takes the phone back. "Sorry, Bella. I forgot to tell you. Jodie and I were thinking it'd be nice to have you run a booth with us. Jodie's been painting these hilarious, one-of-a-kind signs, and I've put together a few beaded hair pieces that came out really nice."

"Right. Okay, well, I don't know how much I'll have ready by then." Whenever then is. I've finished a cuff-chain bracelet for Emmett and ordered a piece for something I want to make Edward, and I have an idea of something I want to make for my dad. I don't really have time for this. I'm missing the days where I wasn't included in their forays as craft vendors.

Jodie leans toward my mom until she's in view of the camera. "We'll send you some dates and see what works best."

I nod, and then smile as a text comes in from Edward about all the blisters he's getting today at work because of the cheap, worn-out gloves he has to use and Mike's inability to do anything.

I let my mom and Jodie chatter about the best booth locations as I open the text screen and let their image fall to the background.

 _ **Ouch, I'll fix them.**_ I'm not sure how I'll fix his blisters, but when he thanks me, I feel good about them. I don't know what can be done about Mike. I can't imagine him being too helpful in a work setting.

"Bella?" my mom asks. "What are you doing?"

I tuck in my lips to hide my smile as I open the screen back up to them.

"Oh, this behavior reeks of a boy," Jodie says. "Renee, don't you smell it? I smell it."

"Yeah, I think I smell it," my mom says as she squints her eyes at the screen and sniffs.

It's bizarre, this smelling thing, and it makes me question my pheromone smelling when it comes to Edward.

"I'm not hearing a denial," my mom says in a singsong voice. "What's his name?"

"I have to go. Send me those dates. I'll work on making some things."

They giggle as I rush off the phone. I text Edward that I wish I had something that smelled like him because I like the way he smells, and my mom and Jodie with their awkward air smelling don't get to ruin that of all things.

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.

Alice lays across my bed on her stomach with her feet in the air as the polish that Rosalie applied dries. "I wonder what cologne Jasper wears."

"Me too," Rosalie says, pausing the movements of the file she's using to shape my thumbnail as we both sit on the floor with our legs crisscrossed. "It kept me up all night last night."

Alice smacks her with my sequin pillow. When Rosalie swats it away, it lands in my lap.

Rosalie goes back to her shaping. I've already received an earful about the fact that the only nail file I own isn't acceptable. I didn't tell her it doesn't matter because I never use it anyway. I'm sure that would have gotten me another earful. I'm learning that when it comes to things like this, Rosalie might be worse than Alice.

"For real though," Alice says. "I'm thinking it's got to be an element name, like aqua or flame."

I try not to laugh as Rosalie looks at her like she's crazy.

"Those would be opposite scents. You don't mix those up," Rosalie says and reaches for the pillow before chucking it back on the bed. "Pick one."

Alice grabs the pillow. "No. It can be a mix of opposite scents. There's no way someone hasn't come up with that."

"No, no, you're right, and I know what it's called," I say, trying to keep a straight face. "Jas-purr."

Alice's eyes widen. "Stop hanging around Rose. She's rubbing off on you."

My face meets the pillow when she throws it, but at least it's the soft side. I throw the pillow toward the door, so it can't be used as a weapon anymore.

My phone chimes. I shake my head, smiling at our antics as I read what Edward said while Alice and Rose try to lean in and do the same. I turn it over, so they can't.

"What'd he say?" Alice asks, giving me a pouty lip and batting her eyelashes.

I sigh before telling her, "He wants to know what I like to drink. His parents are dragging him to the grocery store."

"That's adorable." Alice goes back to scrolling through her phone.

Rosalie's movements on my nails halt. "You are so seeing each other."

"You think?" I ask and glimpse at his text again.

I angle my phone as I answer his question, so Alice and Rose can't see. I don't mind them knowing what we are talking about, but I'm not ready for them to find out how casually he uses the word babe. He says it so easily, but it evokes these deeper feelings in me, and right now, I don't even know how to handle the giddiness yet.

"You two are perfect for each other," Alice says, but the words bring with them a sense of déjà vu that proceeds an actual memory. Alice must see the change in my demeanor because her head tilts to the side as she looks at me. "I know, I know, I've said that before, but this is different. Before, it made sense like it just seemed to work for you, but this thing with Cullen, it's like this whole different level. You're so lucky."

"So lucky," Rosalie echoes.

Alice doesn't look up from her phone as she says. "You're going to have to help me with next steps. Now that I've talked to Jasper, I have no idea how I'm going to get to the point of talking to him again."

I smile because of this place of giving advice is still so strange to me. "What happened after we left?"

"Nothing." Alice's phone slips out of her hands and she looks up at the ceiling. "He went and sat by Emmett and then Rose had to leave, so we did."

"It wasn't nothing," Rose says. "He walked us out and told us to have a nice night. Unlike Emmett, who just sort of hung back and waved and barely said two words to me the whole night."

"Huh," I say, still feeling this warm lightness about this lucky, different-level thing that I've been having a hard time putting into words. "Does he know you're single?"

Rosalie's eyes widen. "You didn't tell him?"

I look over at Alice because the idea hadn't even occurred to me. She scrunches her nose and shrugs.

I turn back to Rose. "Do you want me to?"

"Well, yeah," Rose says as she takes my wrists and compares the nails on both my hands. "But don't make it obvious. Just wait for it to come up or casually mention it or something."

I have no idea how I'm going to do that, but I agree. "Okay."

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* * *

Author's note:

Thanks so much for reading. Thanks to dazzled eyes22 for her beta work and going over the different versions. Thanks to sri ffn and YourVixen for all the feedback and encouragement.

Sorry to take a bit again. I promise I'm still actively working on this story. I love reading all your differing views. Also, thanks to everyone that's taken the time to check out my other stories as well. It never fails to make me smile bigger when I realize an alert is coming from something else I've written. Thanks for reading! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's note: I guess there was some confusion last chapter with the flashback. Bella texting Jake in a friendly way, telling him when she'd be in La Push, and Rose dating Alec were all part of a flashback from before Bella ever talked to Edward. Sorry for the confusion. Present day Bella never goes to La Push and avoids Jake as best she can. I hope that clears it up.**

 **I do not own Twilight.**

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In the middle of the living room with his hands on his hips, my dad is staring at the couch as if it's grown legs or something.

"What's your deal?" I ask as I round the bottom of the stairs.

"What's this?" He gestures toward the sequin pillow I'd placed amongst the cushions last night. It'd seemed like a nice gesture to have my things among his when I'd put it there, but now it looks out of place next to the neutral colors as it reflects the overhead light.

"My pillow?"

He looks to me and then back to the object that seems to be encroaching on his space. "Yeah, but why is it here?"

"Sorry, I just thought it'd be nice to have something of mine down here. I'll put it back in my room."

I step forward, ready to remove it, but he stops me by saying, "No, it's good. Leave it. I was just surprised. Does this mean you're staying?"

"What are you talking about?" I sit down next to the pillow, preparing myself for a long conversation as I try to figure out what's going on with him. "Where would I go?"

He chews his cheek as I wait. His uniform is wrinkled, but I'm not the kind of daughter to wield an iron, and he's not the type of man to even own one. "I don't know, Bella. Maybe back to Phoenix or a school on the east coast. I know you're graduating this year, but it feels like you just got here. Have you checked those online schools?" He chuckles. "Who needs college?" He looks my way, meeting my eyes with a smile. "I'm sure whatever you're thinking will be great."

I'm not sure what to say. I don't know yet what the future holds for me, and we've never taken the time to talk about what I'm going to do after high school, but if he's not in a hurry for me to go, I'm not in a hurry to leave. "Most people are just going to Peninsula, and you know me, always following the crowd." That earns me a laugh, but in truth, somewhere close is the only thing I've thought about. "So yeah, I'm thinking of just staying here anyway, but…" I lean back and try to get comfortable before I ask him something that might not get the best reaction. "Since we're talking about me sticking around and all, maybe we can talk about a few things."

He sits down on the coffee table with a humph. "Am I buying the wrong food again?"

"No, you're fine." The memory of his excessive healthy options makes me smile, but it also reminds of when Jake was around helping me deal with it and that puts a pit in my stomach, but it doesn't matter, he's part of the reason for my point here. "I was just thinking maybe we should do something together."

"We could go to the diner," he offers.

"Okay." I smile as I nod. "Good idea, and maybe there's some activity we can start doing together since I'm not really interested in going to La Push anymore. I know you miss me," I say, smiling to myself.

He snorts. "Something else, huh?" He nods, appearing deep in thought before he says, "Like fishing."

"Or cooking," I offer cause that's a big no to the fishing.

"Okay." He slaps his thighs. "I'd like that."

"Me too." I wish I'd thought of it sooner to make up for all the awkwardness whenever I don't join his trips out to visit his friends. "And maybe…" I start, but I don't know how to say it, but he's looking at me in that prideful dad way, and I think maybe he'll listen to what I have to say. "Maybe we could talk about this nine o'clock curfew, like even just for the weekends we could agree on something a little later."

He rubs his lips together and lets out a breath that's a little too close to a sigh for my liking, but maybe…not quite. "What are you thinking? Maybe midnight on the weekends?"

"Perfect," I say immediately. Had he asked for suggestions, I would have said ten.

"Good meeting." He holds out his fist.

"Yeah, good meeting," I say and oblige him by bumping his fist with mine.

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.

.

Alice shoves her lunchbox across the table. "Stop it."

Rosalie slides it back to her. "What am I doing?"

"You're staring. You know that you're staring. Stop it. Can you just act cool for five minutes?" Alice starts taking out her food and dropping it on the table.

"Well, what's the deal with that?" Rosalie asks as she spears her salad with her fork. "Are they best friends now?"

Emmett and Jasper are in the lunch line together. I'd be staring that way too if Edward were with them. I lean forward, feeding my gossipy friends with the only gossip I know. "I heard that they all went out to La Push together."

"Really?" Alice asks. "I didn't see any pictures."

Rosalie sets down her fork. "Again? Do they go out there every weekend?"

I shrug. "Seems like it." Realizing just how often they're out there has me wondering how often Edward used to be aware that I was there with Jake while I didn't realize he was there at all.

I look over at the guys, and they catch me looking. Emmett smiles and nods, and Jasper gives me a half wave. I lift my hand and wave back.

"Bella," Alice says through clenched teeth.

"What?" I ask. "Seriously, Alice. He waved first. At this point, I'm pretty sure it'd be rude to ignore them."

"I think they're coming over here," Rosalie says. "Do I have anything in my teeth?"

"No, what about me?" Alice gives her a tooth-bearing grin.

I sit back, watching and waiting because Edward's not with them, so finding out if I have something in my teeth is not a priority.

"How's it goin'?" Emmett asks.

Before we can answer, Jasper grabs the chocolate milk off his tray and sets it in front of Alice. Emmett has two trays filling both his hands. Jasper grabs the cartons off those and sets one down in front of me and one in front of Rose before he says, "We'll see you around." Once their backs are to us, they're laughing and walking faster.

The three of us are left staring at unopened milk cartons.

Rosalie is the first to grab the milk in front of her. "What just happened?"

Alice takes it with a lot more grace than she's been giving to the rest of her lunch. "I think it's chocolate."

Rosalie laughs and says, "No, really?"

I would have put it nicer, but yeah, that.

Alice's eyes are locked on the carton. "The closest they could get to chocolate given that we're in a school cafeteria. Don't worry, Bella, I bet it was your you-know-who's idea. He has the best plans, but did you see how Jasper gave me his? That could have been on purpose, right? It was really sweet, and you-know-who definitely would want you to have his, so don't overthink it. Let's just enjoy this for the romantic gesture that it is."

"Why would I overthink it?" I ask, looking at the milk that was taken off a tray likely meant for Edward and given to me by someone he can barely tolerate. Emmett might be hitting it off with Jasper, but from what I've heard from Edward, he's still not.

"It's just something you tend to do," Alice says, but then she's gasping at Rosalie. "Why would you open it?"

"It's milk, Alice. Seriously, we can't keep these. Drink it and throw it out, like now. I'm not kidding. Don't be gross. Take a picture if you need to, but these cartons are not leaving the cafeteria."

As they argue the ways one could go about properly keeping a carton of milk, I pull out my phone.

Texting Edward, I type, **I think I was given a milk that was supposed to be yours. Do you need it?"**

While I wait for his response, I look back to Alice and Rose because even I know, keeping a milk carton is not a good idea. "I like the picture idea. It's going to go bad if you don't drink it, and there's no way to be sure you've cleaned out every single crevice if you keep the carton."

Alice gets out her phone and snaps a photo. "Fine! You both win, but I'm not leaving it on my phone. You two are coming with me to get this printed."

"Sure," I tell her as I watch her carefully open the carton. "Did you keep the candy wrapper from the gas station?" I wonder what happened to mine.

"And the bottle cap," Rose says before Alice can answer as she tosses her empty milk carton into a nearby trash.

Edward's milk is still sitting there untouched because I don't know what he wants me to do with it. I check my phone and see it didn't buzz with its alerts.

 _ **You can have it, but why would they do that?"**_

 _ **They just got back. They think they're so smooth. Was it lame?**_

I look at Alice as she drinks the milk slowly and Rosalie, whose milk is already gone before I respond. _**No, a little confusing at first, but I think the gesture was nice.**_

I drop the phone in my lap and open the milk carton now that I know that Edward doesn't want it back.

My phone lights up with another text. _**Can we pretend I gave it to you?**_

I'm smiling as I reply. _**We can do that. Thank you.**_

Rosalie has finished her lunch and is putting it away. "Where do they eat anyway?"

"Hmm. I'm not sure." I know about Edward's use of the band room, but if he eats in there with Emmett, I don't know.

Alice sips on her milk as if she must savor every drop. It'll probably take her the rest of the lunch period to finish it.

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.

.

Edward Cullen is perfect. His house is pristine. As I sit outside on his front steps on the third occurrence of Bella Tuesday, I'm left memorizing the cracks in his driveway and the scuff marks on his porch. There are weeds and dead leaves sporadically throughout the landscaping. An oil stain mars the pavement in front of the garage, which luckily is not from my truck. I've never parked in that spot. Nothing is perfect, I guess. Here, despite the flaws, it still feels like everything is.

I get up and try the bell one more time, standing in front of the door until the melody finishes its last chime. It's a fruitless effort. He's not here. These Bella Tuesdays are no longer just ours. After learning just how much it costs Jasper to be James' friend, Emmett started volunteering to give Jasper rides. I don't know how or why Edward got assigned to a few days of carpooling Jasper, but here I am, waiting for him to arrive.

When his car emerges in the driveway, I'm prepared for him to be annoyed and frustrated with this inconvenience on his time. The garage door starts opening, so I walk that way as he parks his car inside. As soon as he closes the car door, he says, "Sorry, I'm so not driving him again."

"Oh, yeah?" I follow him to the door that leads into his house. "That bad?"

Edward hits the button to close the garage. "No, I don't know. At school, I could have sworn he didn't talk much, but now he won't shut up."

I've never known him to be talkative, either. "What does he talk about?"

"You," Edward says as we enter the house and the door closes behind us.

I gasp, unprepared for his answer. "He does not."

Edward throws his backpack in the game room as we walk past it. "He does. I swear. It's nonstop."

"Yeah, sure," I say, knowing Edward made it clear that wouldn't be okay. "What does he say?"

Edward scoffs and lifts his shoulder. "I don't know. He has all these questions, like if you like me to call you or just text you. He also wants to know things like if you told me you liked me or if it was somehow implied. I don't answer him, but it doesn't matter. He just asks something else. Why does he need to know all this?"

We stop in the kitchen. I mimic his stance when he leans against the counter. "It sounds like he's trying to figure out girls, not that he's talking about me. If that's how that works, then Alice talks about you all the time."

He brushes the inside of my wrist with his thumb. "How's that?"

I raise my brows and lean toward him. "How did I start talking to you? What did I say? Not that she's not immune to this Cullen craze because who could be, but she's been trying to figure out how to talk to Jasper for a while." My mouth falls open. "Is it Alice? Is he trying to figure out Alice?"

His lips part, but then he shakes his head and smiles before moving closer to me. "Let's not forget all those times you didn't want me to know Alice is into Jasper."

I tilt my head in anticipation of him doing the same. "That's different. She's my friend. You and Jasper, not so much."

"We know that, but that guy, I don't think he knows that." He angles his face and moves forward.

My eyes close the second after his do.

His tongue touches my top lip, but when I move my mouth to kiss him, he pulls away and says, "Do you like baked ziti?"

My hand goes to the spot he licked but didn't kiss, as I watch him with his back to me as he opens the fridge. "I don't even know what that is." My words come out annoyed, but it's not at the food.

"Well, you don't have to eat it if it makes you mad." He pulls a glass casserole dish out and turns toward me as he lifts the foil cover off the corner, revealing something covered with white cheese. "Apparently, it's the closest thing to spaghetti my mom's willing to let me finish making. I tried to talk her into it, but she threw a fit, so yeah, sorry. I tried. I can just eat later." The way he's smiling tells me he knows this frustration isn't about baked ziti.

"No, I'll eat it. It's good to try new things." He shouldn't have to eat alone later, not when I'm here now.

He follows the directions on the Post-it note that his mom has left for him, as he sets the temperature on the oven.

This process of preheating the oven and reading the directions seems to take forever. Edward leans back against the counter near the stove and keeps staring at the Post-it note. As the minutes tick by, I let out a huff. It's a Post-it. There's only so much space. It can't possibly say that much.

My shoulders slump and a scowl forms on my face. He's turning me into a brat it seems, but I can't help it.

"What's wrong?" He smiles but keeps looking at the note.

"You licked me."

He holds the small square of paper in front of his mouth, but even though it blocks me from seeing that he's laughing, it doesn't block the sound. "Oh, you didn't like that?"

"No, it was fine. You just—"

"Just what?" he asks as he sets the note on the counter behind him and then takes a step my way.

"You didn't kiss me."

"I didn't know that's what you wanted." He kisses me once and then licks my lip again before leaning back.

I tilt my face in a way that asks for another kiss as I say, "You knew. You know."

He leans in but hovers an inch away. I feel the air leave his mouth as he asks, "How?"

I don't know why he's feeling the need to tease me today, but it's making me antsy. "You just know." I move forward to try to kiss him, but he pulls back just before I reach him.

I droop back against the counter.

"How though?" His hair falls in his eyes as he braces his arms on the counter at either side of my body.

I resist the urge to move his hair. "First, how about you tell me when you became so against kissing?"

His eyebrows scrunch at the question, but then his face relaxes, and he says, "Like an hour ago. I was in class—"

"Wait, what class?" I ask because his last class of the day is one I've failed to figure out.

"Math with Robinson." He shakes his head, so his hair falls to the side.

"Okay, how did math class make you against kissing?"

"It didn't. You're making this up." He moves closer to me as if he's proving his point. "You can kiss me whenever you want."

"That's not how it seems right now," I say, but then I kiss him, and this time, he lets me.

When he pulls back, his hair shifts back into his eyes. I push it back for him now that it seems that we're done with this teasing game.

"Sorry," he says, but he's laughing. "Jasper asked how I can tell when you want me to kiss you and when kissing you will piss you off. I wouldn't know how to answer his questions even if I wanted to."

His hair falls right back in his eyes, so I push it back again. "Why would it piss me off?"

"Don't know," he says. "Something about that James guy and his girlfriend. I don't think they like each other much."

My pulse races. Being compared to a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship gives me a sense of nervous excitement. My eyes feel brighter, but there's also a clenching in my stomach. "Well, now you owe me," I say, instead of trying to overanalyze this comparison.

I drop my hands as he leans back in, but just as I think he's going to kiss me again, he says, "What do I owe you?"

I lick my lips and glance down at his. "Kisses. Tons of kisses."

He looks down at my lips too. "And why is that?"

I can feel him draw nearer and the energy shift. "Because of all the almost ones. You're giving me a complex here."

"We wouldn't want that," he says right before our lips connect.

It doesn't take long for a few quick kisses to turn into the kind that don't end. He lifts me onto the counter as if I'm weightless. When his tongue sweeps out, it goes past my lips instead of against them. My thighs tighten against his sides as I get carried away in pressing against him and finding connections in more places than our lips. Slowing down the physical doesn't seem to have been the best decision I've ever made because now I don't know how to control myself. It's lips, tongues, and a cloud in my brain when his lips go to my neck. My head falls to the side, as if I've been orchestrated to move this way.

The oven beeps when it's preheated. His kisses slow before he places a final one and lets me go. My legs relax, releasing their hold. I have to catch my breath and Edward, he knows. There is a proud smirk gracing his lips. As Edward slides the dish into the oven, I lean back on my arms and watch him.

When he turns around, his eyes roam. I don't think I've ever felt as attractive as I feel right now under his gaze. His eyes get stuck on where my shirt is no longer reaching my pants from this new position I'm sitting in.

"I have an idea," he says. "Lay down."

I look back at the counter behind me before doing as he's asked. I don't know what's in store for me. It's such a simple request, but it's giving me butterflies.

He folds a hand towel and says, "Let me put this under your head."

I lift up, so he can. I want to know what he has planned, but I'm not going to ask. Whatever he's going to do, it's bound to be something I'll want to be doing.

"You good?" he asks as he cups the side of my face.

I nod, but at the same time, lean against his hand.

He kisses me. The teasing licks weren't so bad, but this is better. His hair falls in his eyes. He sighs as he pushes it back. "I need to get it cut."

I reach up and touch it, loving the feel, him letting me feel, and the way his eyes close as I do. "I like it."

"I'll leave it then." He smiles, and so do I, but I'm trying to remember what length he usually keeps it. I don't remember his hair ever being very short, but…maybe? Now doesn't seem like a good time to inform him that I don't have the slightest clue how he usually keeps his hair. He covers it with a hood a lot and moves away from hands that try to touch it, but that's all I really know.

Rubbing the material at the hem of my shirt, he asks, "Can I?"

I don't know for sure what he's asking, but when he pushes the material up my torso a few inches, I say, "Yeah."

He pushes it up more but stops before my bra is exposed. For a few moments, I don't breathe. He pulls his own shirt off, and underneath is one of those tank tops he's been wearing every time I've been at his house. I didn't think about his aversion to clothes when he was late today. I should have been nice and told him it was okay with me if he went to change, but the action of him taking it off just now was nice to watch.

His face gets serious before he pulls a pen out of his pocket and eyes the skin on my side.

"Is this okay?" he asks, pen poised to draw on me.

It feels like we're back to teasing, when it could be so much more, but this…this might be better. I want things with him…physical things but waiting could make things mean more and that has to be better.

I study the expression on his face as he draws a vine up my torso.

He glances my way when the pen slides under where my shirt is still covering. "He thinks they had a moment, but then she wouldn't look at him, so he doesn't know."

I'm confused at first until I remember my question about Jasper and Alice. "Hmm… Yeah. She might be shy with him for a while."

The muscles in my stomach twitch as he moves his pen down my ribs. "You can tell him that if you want. The shy part."

He nods, focusing on outlining petals, but I see another opportunity here now that we're on the subject. "And um, Rose, she's single now, so if you know anyone interested…"

That has his pen stopping and his eyes meeting mine. "Since when?"

"I don't really know for sure. They were on a break for a few months already, but now she says it's not just a break anymore. It's over."

He nods and fills something in with his pen before he says, "What about you?"

I look at him, expecting, because I'm not quite sure what he's asking.

His eyes are serious, boring into mine. "How long have you been single?"

I blink too fast, clearing any expression that I may take on. I have to look away because I don't want to make a big deal about what he's asking. I know we haven't declared anything, but I don't feel single. Does he? I rub my left eye as a tingling sensation begins. "Umm.," I say. He waits as I try to focus on the months since I ruined Jake. "Like four months or five now… maybe."

He nods and keeps drawing. His expression is focused on the task. I don't know what to make of his question. A chill runs through the air right before the heater kicks on, but it's not quick enough to prevent goosebumps from rippling down my arms. I divert my vision to the countdown on the stove, watching seconds tick by until the time's up. When the timer goes off, he ignores the blaring sound as he concentrates on the marks he's leaving on my skin. After he's finished, he flashes me a smile that makes my heart skip a beat.

He's so confusing.

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 **A/N: A million thanks to sri ffn, and YourVixen for prereading and dazzled eyes22 for betaing. You all help me so much.**

 **Thanks to everyone still sticking with me. I'm still actively writing and editing this story everyday, so hopefully I'll have the next chapter up sooner than this latest update was.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I still have no Twilight ownership.**

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When Angela and Ben come to school hand in hand with new people, it's as if a cloud floated over our school and stopped. I didn't even know they'd broken up. Their smiles are forced and the distance they're maintaining between themselves and their new partners seems far from how they'd be if they actually liked them. It probably doesn't help that everyone they pass stops and stares. They used to fit together like they were molded for each other. How can they just show up here with new people? This is high school, though, and it's not like they were married. People get together and break up all the time, but Ben and Angela? Maybe it's my own unofficial relationship status that has me so bothered, but then again, I've always been sensitive to other people's heartbreak.

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 _I spent months going with my dad to La Push almost every weekend, telling myself it was to get out of the parties and group hangouts that Alice wanted us to attend. The ocean called to me, that was true, but it was more than that. As soon as we'd arrive, I'd drop the pretense that I was there to visit with my dad's friends and head out with Jake. There was a freedom in the way he respected my physical boundaries as if they were normal to have and not as extreme as I knew they were. So many times, I'd shied away from going places and from doing things. Being friends with Jake made life seem brighter. He made the whole world seem brighter. Not once had I ever seen him frustrated at the difficulty's life had given him. If he could see so much fun and good in everything, even in me, I wanted to be a part of that._

 _When we weren't at the beach, we were with Jake's friends, Quil and Embry. Sometimes the Clearwaters' son Seth came along. Leah was always around when I arrived, but even though Jake always offered, she never came with us. I'd never seen him be anything but nice to her, but with the group she chose to spend her time with, associating with Jake wasn't an option._

 _I don't think it was just my association with Jake. Leah had never liked me. I'd received her cold shoulder dozens of times, but as I watched her look down with her arms limp at her sides, it didn't feel the same. Instead of leaving her alone, as I'd come to do, I took a step forward, and said, "Hey, you okay?"_

 _She looked up at me as if I were a person, instead of an enemy by proxy. She was like a different person as sadness softened her usually hardened features. "Hard to say."_

 _I was going to ask her if she wanted to talk about it and if there was anything I could do, but I didn't know the words. I didn't know how to comfort her, especially someone who didn't like me. It felt like anything I said would be overstepping, but not saying anything felt wrong._

 _My thoughts were interrupted by Billy Black calling out, "Bye, Bella," the moment Jake came into view. Everyone laughed except Leah and me, even Jake grinned as he headed straight over to fill up two plates of food. Every week, everything about this scene was the same, so why was I the only one concerned with Leah not being okay?_

" _Quil's garage cool?" Jake asked me as he handed me drinks to carry._

" _Sure," I said. Quil tended to give me shy smiles, and I'd caught Embry trying to motion and mouth things to Jake behind my back, but besides whatever inside jokes they didn't want me to know about, I didn't mind being around them._

" _Lee?" he asked, head tilting as he spoke. His eyes looked genuine as he offered her to come along. How he could be okay with the people who considered him an enemy, I didn't know._

 _She held up a finger and squeezed her eyes shut. When she opened them, she didn't look at us as she said, "Not today, okay?"_

 _Jake just shrugged, and I followed him toward the road. I wanted to look back at her and do something I'd never done, encourage her to come along. Instead, I followed Jake's lead and gave her the space she seemed to be asking for._

 _As soon as we we're out of sight of our fathers and Leah, I stopped and looked at Jake. "Okay, what was that?"_

 _Jake laughed. "Drama."_

 _I walked backward in front of him. "What kind of drama could possibly have her considering hanging out with us?"_

 _Jake looked around before leaning forward and whispering, "Sam left her for her cousin."_

 _My eyes widened. I had no experience with what she was going through, but my heart hurt for her. I couldn't imagine a worse betrayal._

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People are full of whispered comments about Ben and Angela's break up and how fast they've started new relationships. I wish I was immune to the gossip, but I can't help being curious. At least, I don't join in on the bets of how long these rebounds will last.

I turn my locker combination, pretend I messed up, and start over again. I'm sure I'm not alone with the extra moments spent at my locker between classes, knowing at any moment I'll see Edward. It doesn't matter that he calls me and I see him outside of school, catching glimpses of him still sends my heart racing.

Tyler Crowley leans against the locker beside mine, blocking the view I'm about to have of Edward.

"Hey, Bella. Can you break this?" he asks, holding up a five.

I take the five and then nod toward the hat on his head. "Are you trying to get in trouble?"

He pulls it off with a grin. "Usually."

I rest my backpack in my locker and search for my wallet. As I count the bills inside, I realize my money situation is getting sad. I need to find a job. I have a little cash at home, but I don't think anything I have left is even mine. It all comes from the money my dad gives me from time to time.

"I only have four," I say as I show him the ones and offer him his five back.

He reaches for the ones and snatches them out of my hand. "That's fine. You can owe me one. Thanks." He rushes away before I can complain.

The warning bell rings. "Awesome." I've missed seeing Edward, and now I owe someone money.

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Heidi has a chipper smile on her glossy lips. I smile back at her, becoming accustomed to her presence in this class. I must just be a crutch in a class where we both don't have friends, because outside of this room, I barely hear from her. With the way she acts, I'm surprised she doesn't light up my phone with texts and offers to get together, but I've shut down the offers she's made while in class, so that's probably my fault. It's whatever.

Her skin is glowing, freshly tanned or bronzer. "Hi," she says, too upbeat for the setting we're in.

"Hey." I drop my backpack and slump into my seat.

She places her pen against her lips. "I'm trying to get a group together to go to the movies, but right now, it's more guys than girls and they're being whiney about it. Any chance you'd be interested?"

"No thanks," I say, but at the loss of her smile, I ask, "Where do you go tanning? My mom is in Florida for work, and you always look like you've just come back from there."

Her smile perks up as she pulls out her phone. "It's in Port Angeles, but there are two places, and you want to go to the one by this little park. Let me find it, and I'll text you the address."

I get the text and thank her. As she nods, her pen goes to her teeth, but at least, the pen doesn't belong to me.

A flash of red hair, blowing behind her as Siobhan runs into the room has me tuning into what's going on. "He's seeing someone. Like for real. He said so."

Zafrina and Tanya exchange glances before Tanya mutters, "Asshole," and Zafrina says, "Forget him. You can do so much better than Liam."

"No, not Liam." Siobhan smacks Tanya's desk. "Cullen."

My attention is completely locked on them with no shame, as if this is all news to me. Heidi is probably witnessing my eavesdropping, but I need to know what Siobhan is going to say.

Zafrina looks back and forth between her two friends. "What? No."

Tanya taps her acrylics against the desk. "Who? How do you know?" she asks and lets out a bored huff of air.

"Jessica," Siobhan says, but Tanya doesn't let her continue.

"No way. She's lying. He would never. Never."

Zafrina tilts her head. "Why not? She's cute."

"In an obnoxious sort of way," Tanya says and looks around as if Jessica might be in this class. "Trust me. He'd never go for her. What did she do? Trick him into it somehow?"

"No, listen," Siobhan says, talking with her hands. "Jessica's family has these really great Seahawks tickets, so she invites him along—"

"Lame," Zafrina says. "Jane already tried that."

"Right." Siobhan's eyebrows rise. "So, he says no and she loses it. She's a complete crying mess. I mean, mascara and snot everywhere."

"So?" Tanya asks. "Siobhan. How many times have you cried?"

"I know, right?" Siobhan laughs. "Whatever. It didn't work for her either. He told her not to take it personally because he's seeing someone, so it'd be messed up if he went with her, like word for word that's what he said. The crying might have worked a little though because he wasn't mean to her. Instead, he set her up with Mike Newton."

Class starts, and they continue talking in hushed whispers as they try to figure out who in the world Cullen could possibly be seeing. I tuck in my smile and pretend I'm paying attention to whatever our teacher is writing on the board.

I don't break from my daze for the whole class period. I'm seeing Edward Cullen. I knew this, but knowing that he's voiced it, makes it feel so much more real.

When the end of class nears, I take my time putting away my things as the three girls' voices pick up to a level I can hear again.

"Honestly," Zafrina says. "Either she's lying to everyone or he lied to her. Tanya, you'll find out when you go over there tonight?"

"Oh, yeah. Sure. At least I'll try. You know how he is."

A trio of giggles fills my ears, ruining the excitement I'd had over their earlier conversation.

I look at Heidi, visions of Tanya Denali and all her perfectly perfect everything at Edward's house fill my head. I keep my voice low as I ask Heidi, "What's up with Tanya going to the Cullens'?"

Her eyes squint in curiosity as she leans toward me and whispers, "Their parents work together, and they have these dinners sometimes." Her head tilts. "You didn't know? I thought you were friends with him. She…" Heidi glances Tanya's way, "brags about it all the time."

"Oh," I say, not offering her any explanation about my inquiry.

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Edward can't stand Tanya Denali. I know this. He's rejected her countless times, I'm sure. Even me, not having Edward on my radar for so long, knew this. The girl is relentless. Tonight will be no different, but I can't stomach the thought of her trying for hours, and there are so many different scenarios I can think of as to what she might pull while at his house. I consider calling Alice and letting her join me in my freak out, but instead, I take out my nerves on pots and pans as I unload the dishwasher.

I hate this.

When I drop a plastic cup on the linoleum floor, I quit my dishwasher assault and call him.

Two rings in, he answers, "Hey."

"Hey." I close the dishwasher. "Do you work tonight?"

"No," he says. "Do you want to do something?"

"Yes." I melt right where I stand. He'll have to scoop me off the floor because, for real? "Can you though? You have that dinner thing, right?" I don't know why I'm asking this instead of just taking him and running far far away?

"What dinner thing?" he asks.

"With Tanya's family?" I'm starting to question my own reality. "Is that not a thing? She was talking about it with her friends, and Heidi said that you sometimes have these dinner parties." I cringe as I imagine her all dressed up as if she's there to court him or something along with whatever elaborate scheme she has planned.

Edward groans. "No. I mean, yeah. That's a thing, but it's not my thing. I don't need to be here for that. We can go somewhere."

"Okay," I say, because yes, he shouldn't be there with her and her ill intentions. He should be somewhere else with me and whatever intentions mine may be.

"Okay, hold on a second." There's rustling from his end. "Mom," he says, sounding farther away. "I'm not going to be home tonight."

"Edward Anthony, not even twenty minutes ago I asked if you'd be home tonight and you said you would." Her groan is nearly identical to the one he let out just moments ago. "We're having company over. I already set out six place settings, and I did not raise you to be flakey."

"Okay, I'm sorry," Edward says. "I can put it away for you. I have plans. It's like a date, and you didn't raise me to be flakey. I didn't even know you had this going on tonight."

I don't want to go against his mother, but it's like a date. I have to close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Carlisle, come in here, would you?" Mrs. Cullen asks. "Your son is saying he won't be joining us tonight because he has a date."

"Oh, right on," A new masculine voice that must belong to his father replies. "Where are you headed?"

"I don't really know yet," Edward says. "What do you think?"

"Hmm, if it was the weekend, there are some decent hiking trails, but maybe drive out to Port and check out a restaurant. Something waterfront might be nice."

"Yeah," Edward says. "That'd be good, huh?"

"Well, fine then," his mom says. "Put away the damn place setting and go, but you better have fun. I swear we said you couldn't date until you were thirty, and you're just going off doing it anyway."

"Hey," Edward says, his voice louder as if he's placed it back to his ear. "Can I pick you up in an hour?"

I'm about to answer, but I'm interrupted by his mom as she says, "Oh, Lord, Carlisle, would you get back in here? She was on the phone the whole time, and I was being mean to him."

Both Edward and his dad laugh, but I feel guilty for taking her son away for the night and embarrassing her. "An hour's fine but tell her it's okay. She wasn't really mean. I feel bad."

"I'll talk to her. Don't worry about it. She'll be all right."

As we end the call, I hope he's right, but there's a fresh wave of excitement hitting me because Edward's picking me up in an hour, and it's a date. I put both my hands over my mouth and scream into them. I'm still standing in the same spot when my dad walks in the door. I should be getting ready, but it's as if my feet are glued to the floor.

"Hey there." My dad tosses a few envelopes into the former fruit bowl.

"Hi," I say. "I unloaded the dishwasher. I mean…I unloaded some of the dishwasher."

"Did you now?" he asks.

I nod, unsure why I even said that in the first place. "I can finish it, but hey, you don't have any big dinner plans for us tonight, do you? I kind of…sort of have a date." Uttering the word out loud brings the biggest smile to my face.

"Is that right?" He rubs his cheek with his knuckles. "Does that mean I get to know this guy's name?"

I turn around and open the dishwasher, as I try to hide the blush creeping up my face. "Aren't you a cop? Don't you already know?"

"What?" he asks. "You think I have someone tailing you at all times? Have you seen our force? Kid, I don't have that many guys, and we're busier than you give us credit for, especially this time of year."

I laugh as I slide a stack of plates into the cupboard. "This time of year, huh? All those illegal fishing bandits?"

"Watch it," he says, but he chuckles. "That's a legitimate problem. We have rules and regulations for a reason."

I pay way too much attention to lining up the silverware as I ask, "You know the Cullens, right? Everyone knows the Cullens."

"Sure, I know the Cullens." He rests his elbows on the counter. "A doctor's kid, huh? I like that," he says with this look in his eyes as if he's imagining the prospects.

"He's not a doctor though, so don't get any ideas. It's not like I'm lining up to join the police academy."

"Damn right you're not," he says. "Either way, he's a good kid. Great arm. I caught a few of his games last season."

The silverware jangles as I close the drawer, ruining my careful alignment. I don't have the slightest clue what my dad is talking about. It's Edward Cullen. Why didn't I pay more attention? I smile at my dad as I plan to look through last year's yearbook this evening. "I should probably go get ready."

"Do you think he'll come to the door or just text you?" he asks.

"I don't know." As I pass him, I say, "You'll find out when I do."

My dad opens the fridge. "Well, doctor's kid or not, he better not sit in the driveway and honk at you."

I'm getting a little nervous. I don't know how this is going to go and there is so much about Edward Cullen that I still don't know, but it's a date. A date. I've never run up the stairs so fast in my life.

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A/N:

Thanks for reading! Thanks to YourVixen and sri ffn for prereading and dazzledeyes22 for betaing. You all help me more than I can say.

Thanks to whoever nominated this story in TwiFandom New's Golden Onion awards! It was great to be included in the nominations.

I hope to have more posted soon. Let me know what you think.


	19. Chapter 19

***Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Last Chapter:

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" _Hey." I close the dishwasher. "Do you work tonight?"_

" _No," he says. "Do you want to do something?"_

" _Yes." I melt right where I stand. He'll have to scoop me off the floor because, for real? "Can you though? You have that dinner thing, right?" I don't know why I'm asking this instead of just taking him and running far far away?_

" _What dinner thing?" he asks._

" _With Tanya's family?" I'm starting to question my own reality. "Is that not a thing? She was talking about it with her friends, and Heidi said that you sometimes have these dinner parties." I cringe as I imagine her all dressed up as if she's there to court him or something along with whatever elaborate scheme she has planned._

 _Edward groans. "No. I mean, yeah. That's a thing, but it's not my thing. I don't need to be here for that. We can go somewhere."_

" _Okay," I say, because yes, he shouldn't be there with her and her ill intentions. He should be somewhere else with me and whatever intentions mine may be._

 _._

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Chapter 19:

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"Wait." Alice looks at me through my phone screen as she scrutinizes my look for the millionth time in the last half hour. "Let's try your hair down again."

I pull the elastic out of my hair and shake it out.

"Are you sure you don't have any tops that are off the shoulder?" she asks.

I try to make my hair lie flat as I tell her, "No, Alice, and even if I did, it's cold."

"Pshh! Like Cullen is going to let you be cold. Hello, body heat."

I don't have time to ponder that. My long-sleeved, sort-of-silky, borderline lowcut black top will have to do. The doorbell rings, and both our eyes widen. "Alice, what do I do?"

She calls out mascara as if she's telling me to grab a fire extinguisher. I look at my cosmetics. Logically, I know what mascara is, but for the life of me, I can't see it. "Purple tube, Bella. Purple tube."

Once I have the tube, Alice walks me through how to apply it, as if she's teaching me how to tie my shoes.

"I know. I know. I'm not completely useless." Somehow, I manage to swipe it along my lashes without making a mess.

"Okay," she says. "Deep breath. You've got this." She blows me a kiss, and as cutesy as it is, I return the gesture before I hang up.

I grab my Converse from my closet and head downstairs, not wanting to leave Edward alone with my dad longer than I already have. When I get to the living room, they are looking at my dad's sports memorabilia. Edward is acting interested, and maybe he is, but he's acting as if he hasn't already seen all of it when he most definitely has.

"Hey," I say to Edward, and sit on the couch.

"Hey," he says, as he turns toward the sound of my voice.

"I'm almost ready," I tell him as I pull on my right shoe.

"Okay, whenever is fine." He smiles and turns back to my dad, who still has so much to show him.

It's a sight to see him here with my dad. There's a collar on Edward's shirt, which is a style that I've never seen him wear. I also can't tell if his hair is just wet or if he's put some sort of product in it. He looks really good, like always. If he wasn't also wearing jeans, I'd feel underdressed. I know my dad is proud of his collection, but I've never seen him show it off like this to anyone.

"Come check out what I've got in here," my dad says as he heads toward the kitchen.

I tuck my laces into my left shoe instead of tying it because what the heck? There's absolutely nothing to show off in our kitchen. When Edward glances back at me, his confused expression shows exactly how I feel.

I shrug and mouth, "I don't know."

I follow after them and, in my hurry, my left shoe slips off. I hear the freezer door open before I'm even in sight of it, and I can't help laughing.

My dad's eyes narrow at me. "Don't you start."

I lean back against the counter, fixing my shoe, while he pulls out a bent-up, frozen fish that he crammed into the freezer months ago.

"Nice," Edward says, the admiration in his tone natural. "Are you going to grill it up or—"

"Actually," I say as I push off from the counter and walk toward them. "This one's so nice we're hoping to get it stuffed and mounted."

Edward laughs, and even though my dad is glaring at me, there's a twitch at the corner of his mouth.

"And don't even worry," I add. "He caught this when it was still in season. I promise."

My dad closes the freezer behind him way harder than necessary. "Would you get out of here?"

"I'm trying." I don't know what comes over me, but when we leave, I hug my dad and whisper, "Thanks for acting semi-normal."

His hand is light against my back. "Anytime."

As I lead Edward toward the door, we say goodbye to my dad, who says, "Have fun, but don't forget school tomorrow."

I take a few steps backward. "Right. I'll be back by nine."

He purses his lips. "Ten to ten-thirty would be all right."

I smile and catch Edward's eye.

"Oh, and Edward," My dad calls after us.

I hold my breath as Edward turns to face him. We'd been doing so well so far.

I'm expecting him to make some sort of fatherly threat or words of caution, but my dad lifts his head in a half-nod. "Some buddies of mine host a fish fry every month or so. You can try it sometime."

I look at Edward to see if I need to get him out of this. My dad just kind of sort of asked him to hang out. I'm about to answer for him, but Edward says, "Yeah, that'd be cool. Thanks."

It feels as if I'm in some sort of alternate universe as the door closes behind us.

.

.

.

Maybe I still have some bad memories about being the girl in Cullen's front seat and being dropped off at home when I thought he was trying to spend more time with me, but they disappear from my mind when the doors close, and a new scent fills my nose.

I lean forward and try to determine if it's him or the car that smells like this. It's him—definitely him and something new he's sprayed.

"Is it okay?" he asks.

I sit back in my seat and reach for my seatbelt. "Yeah, I like it."

"Okay, good." He nods. "That wasn't so bad in there with your dad." His knee bounces some.

"No? Were you scared?"

"No…maybe… Just a little bit." He shows me about an inch with his thumb and index finger.

I squeeze his arm. He's super cute in his shyness. "You don't have to go to the fish fry. He just gets obsessed with things like that."

"I don't mind," he says.

"Okay." As he backs out of my driveway, I ask, "Everything okay with your mom?"

He glances my way, giving me an exaggerated eye roll. "She's such a spaz sometimes. She'll get over it."

"I hope so." I hold my hand over the air vent, feeling the pressure from the air as it hits my hands.

"Are you cold?"

I drop my hands to my lap, realizing just how antsy I'm acting. "No, just nervous, I guess."

He laughs in a kind of half-spurt of sound as his eyebrows scrunch and his look of amusement soon turns into confusion. "Why?"

I try to shrug it off, but he keeps looking at me whenever possible. When he takes my hand, nudges my thigh, and asks me again, I sigh.

"I don't know what we're doing." I hear the double meaning as soon as I say it, so I fix it. "Like where are we going?"

"Port Angeles."

I nod, but as we drive, I fidget in my seat and squeeze his hand.

"Babe?" he asks, squeezing my hand right back.

"Sorry." I don't know what's come over me. "I don't think I've ever done this before, officially, like a date that wasn't a group thing or just hanging out, nothing that was specifically called a date." The closest I've ever come to a date was when I thought he was going to take me to breakfast after the first night we spent together. That didn't turn out so well.

"Yeah? Huh. I guess me either."

We exchange shy smiles, and as a tinge of pink appears on his cheeks, I feel our nerves as they mingle together and give way to an antsy excitement.

.

.

.

"You sure this is okay?" he asks as he pulls into the lot.

"Definitely." I nod. "It's kind of perfect."

We've ended up at the Italian restaurant he'd mentioned back when we'd discussed our favorite foods. He seemed pretty set on something on the waterfront as his dad had suggested, but the options seemed either too formal for how we're dressed or too casual for what he had in mind.

He seems resigned, so I squeeze his bicep as I say, "I love it. I promise."

His muscle flexes under my touch. He hesitates before leaning over the console. I consider not meeting him halfway, paying him back for his teasing almost-kisses from the other day, but I don't want to do that to him, and I definitely don't want to do that to me.

Our nerves don't get in the way of the series of perfect moments. We share a few lingering kisses, before he rounds the car to meet me just as I close the door. He takes my hand, our fingers entwine, and we have the biggest smiles as we head inside.

He manages to open the restaurant door and hold it open for me without letting go of my hand. The place is quiet. By now, the diner back in Forks is likely filling up with the usual dinner crowd, but it's a weekday and Port Angeles isn't Forks. There are several restaurants to choose from in the area.

This place is nicer than any I can recall ever being in. I don't feel underdressed, but I could have dressed up and still fit in. The staff is uniformed in black slacks, white button-ups, and ties. There are maroon cloth napkins and wine glasses already adorning the tables, but when the host leads us to our seats, he snatches them off the table before returning with water cups. He holds one hand behind his back as he pours water from a metal pitcher.

Ice clanks along with the soft melody that's playing. The lights are dim, and the flames of tea light candles dance above pooling wax.

Our server introduces herself, but I don't hear her name. She says something to which Edward responds, but me, I just nod. I'm too caught up in everything. It's this place. It's him, reaching across the table to take my hand back in his. It's as if someone wanted to create an image where they could say, this is what romance looks like—what it feels like, and here I am, living it.

A drink is set in front of me, but I don't know what it is. I take a sip. It's sparkling lemonade. I lean forward, and ask Edward, "Did I order this?"

He laughs, as he nods and squeezes where our fingers are intertwined. "Do you want something else?"

"No, this is good." I take another sip. I glance at the menu, so that I don't end up agreeing to whatever food I'm offered. I don't know why I'm looking. I already know what I'm getting. Maybe some other time, I can explore the options and see if there's something I want to try. After his attempts to get his mom to make spaghetti on Bella Tuesdays, how can I not?

"So, what's new?" He lets go of my hand, as he reaches for the basket of bread that has appeared at our table.

I'm at a loss as to what to say. I talk to him so often, I feel as if I already tell him everything. "I have to go to Phoenix." I take the bread he offers.

His eyes bulge. "Forever?"

I shake my head. "No. Not forever. Just to see my mom."

"For how long?" he asks, traces of worry still etched on his brow.

I separate the crust from the bread. "I don't know. A weekend maybe. It might be a week, if we wait until winter break."

He nods. "Excited?"

I shrug and eat a strip of bread crust. I've never minded going back to Phoenix. I never looked forward to it either, but looking at Edward, even if the trip is going to be short, I'd rather be here.

.

.

.

On the drive back to Forks, Edward drives as much as he can while holding my hand.

"How do you think it's going at your house?" I ask, cringing at the thought of him being there.

"I don't know," Edward says. "Hopefully they're gone. If I know they're coming over, I leave, but I think my mom was trying to trick me with this one."

A shiver runs through me. "I'm happy we did this instead. Tanya at your house seems scary. She's probably naked, hiding in your closet right now, and waiting for you to go home and find her." I gasp. "Would she do that? Has she ever?"

"No." Edward lets out a disbelieving laugh.

"Maybe not in your closet. She's too bold to hide. She probably just takes off her clothes and lays on your bed. She probably takes pictures too, so she has proof."

"Does she now?" Edward asks, laughing now for real.

"I don't know. Does she?"

"No." He looks over his shoulder before changing lanes. "I don't think she even knows where my room is."

"What does she do then? If she's at your house, she's got to be doing something."

"I told you that I usually leave, but if I get stuck there, she messes around on her phone the whole time. That girl does not like me."

I sigh, struggling to imagine that being true.

He brings my hand to his mouth and presses a kiss against the back of it. "You want to go home or go talk somewhere?"

I glance at the time. We have a while before I need to be back. "Talk."

"Good, because all this about that girl being naked at my house is making me sick. I need something new to fill my head."

"Like what?" I ask as he pulls into the parking lot of a small park near our school.

He just shrugs, but I can tell that he has something in mind. I can feel it. It starts with a twitch in my knees and moves up until it's a quiver in my thighs.

He turns off the ignition and turns my way. "You're the one with all the ideas. Tell me something."

I unfasten my seatbelt, pulling my knee onto the seat as I turn to face him. "You're going to have to give me some direction here. I don't come up with these things off the top of my head."

His brows rise as he presses on the overhead light, illuminating us as the sun sets. "All that stuff you think that blonde girl is planning isn't off the top of your head?"

I turn away, as a blush flames across my cheeks. "Well yeah, maybe, but I don't know what you want to hear."

He takes my hand and pulls it into his lap. "Anything would honestly be better than _that._ "

"Yeah, nothing worse than _that_ , huh?"

He chuckles as he plays with my fingers. "Well, I guess I can think of worse."

"Yeah? What?" I ask.

His nose scrunches up. "Like if that blonde girl had her friends with her in this bedroom scenario of yours, that'd be worse." He presses the back of my hand and the heel of his other palm against his closed eyelids. "Maybe we should stop with the visuals of other girls."

I laugh at his disgusted expression, but I don't like these images either. "Really? It seems like a lot of guys would like those visuals."

He leaves my hand against his cheek, while his moves down my outstretched arm. "I don't."

"What do you like?" I ask as the tender touch of his fingers tickles the inside of my elbow.

"You."

We both lean in, or maybe I pull his face toward me, but as our lips connect, his tongue is caressing mine, and in an instant, I'm lost in the feeling of it.

"So much better," he says as his hand makes its way down to grip my hip.

"I've been in your room too, so maybe you could just conjure up that image," I offer. I don't voice the naked part, but I hope it's implied. "Or has it been too long to remember?"

"Not too long," he says and kisses me again.

It doesn't matter what he's just said about it not being too long ago because I have this deep-rooted need to change how long it's been. My fingers curl in his hair and my chest juts forward, seeking the feeling of him pressed against it. His hand moves down from my hip with his thumb pressing on my inner thigh before he moves it down a few inches, as if he didn't mean to touch where he did. I want him to move it back. I want to keep kissing and have his hands wander where they may, instead of sticking to safer zones.

As I anticipate what it would feel like if he did slide his hand back up higher, my knee lifts like I'm trying to help him reach where I'd like him. My kissing falters as I realize I could only be more obvious if I grabbed his hand and moved it back up my thigh.

It wouldn't be such a bad thing to show him what I like, but he stops kissing me, moves back a few inches, and looks in my eyes. His hand squeezes that place he's settled mid-thigh. "Did you ever think about it before?" he asks as we catch our breath. "Not these ideas you have about what other girls do, but like…what _you_ would do? I mean before the whole lap thing at Mike's."

I straighten out the mess I've made of his hair. "Like if I ever thought to mess with you before like others do?"

He nods. "You know, the whole cracking thing," he says.

I internally cringe at that word. Somehow, it's become taboo. The fact that a label has been created at all is extreme, and I don't like to say it.

"No," I say with certainty. "I never considered that, and that was not what I was doing. I was… I don't know what I was doing exactly, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't that, at least not purposely. I'm not the kind of person that would ever…but I saw you there and you were easy for me to talk to and it just came out. I mean, no one is easy for me to talk to, so I just went for it. I really would have just guarded you though, I swear. It just didn't work out like that."

"Okay." He looks out the front window with a serious expression, as if my reassurance that I wouldn't have done that isn't what he was trying to hear. "It was just something I used to wonder about."

"You would wonder if I had ever thought of a ploy to crack you?"

He shrugs. "I'd wonder if anyone would even go along with whatever their scheme was if I said yes, but I wasn't ever going to find out…unless…you know, it was you. I'm pretty sure ninety percent of the girls in Forks had already tried to get me to do something by the time you talked to me."

When he says things like this, I don't know how to connect this girl he's talking about to me. I'm her, but how? "Why me?"

He laughs, but it's the airy, nervous one, so I lean forward and kiss his jaw, lingering there because he smells the way he does. Clearing my head, I ask again. "Why?"

He licks his lips before he says, "Everyone here messed with me because I was new, and when _you_ moved here, I was just, like, really aware of you."

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Yeah, but so was everyone else."

"Because I was new, like you said. _You_ never tried to talk to me though. I might have thought you were different."

The corner of his mouth twitches. "Why?" he asks, while tilting his head as he mimics my earlier question.

I tuck my lips in, remembering Alice giving me the rundown of who was who when I first moved here. "Because I knew you wouldn't give anyone the time of day." I sound like I'm trying to convince myself as much as I am him, but hey, it's plausible.

He shakes his head. "I felt like a hypocrite with the whole being new thing, and then you had a boyfriend, so…"

I lift my shoulder and refrain from letting air leave my mouth in a huff. Everything seems to come back to this boyfriend I once had.

"But I was going to talk to you at Mike's party," he says. "At least I was going to try, but it seemed like you were there with Crowley, so I went back upstairs."

I stare at him, unsure how to react. Sure, I was supposed to be there with Alice and Rose, but the night turned into me going rogue, trying to find my place in a world I never quite fit in. "That's not—"

"No, I know."

I nod, wondering if I should say something more about it. Hanging out with Tyler wasn't a big deal, but I didn't dislike him, not like I dislike Mike. Tyler was okay aside from the on-again-off-again girlfriend he seems to always go back to, but that was in a world pre-Edward Cullen. Now, Tyler Crowley isn't even someone that I'd contemplate.

"So," he says.

"So," I repeat, the air in the car fills with an awkward pressure.

"That virginity thing you said the other day, that was Jake, right?" He tilts his head, so his hair falls away from his eyes.

I nod even though this is the last thing I want to talk about.

"Why'd you break up?" he asks as his hair falls forward.

I push back his hair, letting the feel of it between my fingers ground me to where I am and not let me be shrouded in regrets of what's already been. "We were better friends."

He leans into my hand with a visible relaxation before his eyebrows scrunch, and he says, "Wait, you're friends, but then why don't you go to La Push?"

My hand falls away from his hair. "We were friends before, but not now. We ruined it. Anyway, what about you? Before Mike's party, it was just the one time for me, but you obviously had experiences before that."

He shakes his head, as if what I'm saying isn't true, but then he says, "You're the only one that counts though."

"I don't think it works that way."

His jaw sets as I wait for him to say something. His fingers wrap around the steering wheel, as if he's going to steer us somewhere else before he says, "If you need a number, it's two, but they couldn't even get my name right, so they don't matter."

"Wow!" I move my nails back and forth on his forearm.

He just kind of shrugs. "It's whatever. I mean, it sucked back then. I thought I was going to have to change my name to Sam or never have sex again, but with you, it's not like that, so I just don't think they need to count."

"For sure." I nod. I'd thought my experience was horrible, but I can't imagine dealing with being with someone and having them call me the wrong name. "They don't need to count, and we don't have to count my one time before either."

He agrees, and now we're both on the same page, but then something he said hits me, and all air leaves the car. I get out of the car before closing the door behind me and walking away.

* * *

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 **Author's Note:** Sorry for the delay. I've gone back to school and didn't do well with getting into a new routine last semester. Let's hope this one goes better. Also, I didn't want to leave off with only half the date, so the next chapter is ready to post next Wednesday.

Thanks so much to YourVixen for prereading and dazzled eyes22 for betaing! You both help me so much!

Thanks everyone who read. I've fallen way behind on review replies, but I'll do my best to reply to everyone soon.


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

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"Babe," Edward calls after me as I walk away from the car. He sounds nervous and confused, but I can't clear up my thoughts enough to reassure him. "Would you please wait?"

I hear him, but I keep moving. Before Edward was with me, he'd said he'd only been with two other girls, but the Sam thing… If they both called him that… Edward doesn't date girls in Forks— everyone knows that. La Push is another story. I'm realizing I know way more about those relationships than I should.

I stop walking and sit on the park fence, which shouldn't even be called that because it encloses nothing. It's made of wood and splintering, but oh well. "Bella," Edward says, stopping a few feet away. Somehow, hearing him call me by name makes me feel like we're fighting.

"I'm sorry. I just need a minute. Sam, I mean… I know who Sam is and who he dates, or dated, I guess."

"Oh," is all he says, standing there as if he is not welcome to sit beside me.

.

.

.

 _Having Leah around was different. Jake and I sat on the two-seat couch in Quil's garage, while Quil and Embry sat perched on old bar stools. Leah wandered around, randomly kicking things and complaining. At least, she wasn't brooding. Not anymore. Sam and her cousin had brought her down for a while, but she seemed to be coming back around to be her same old moody self._

" _It stinks in here," she said before dropping a metal tool into the top drawer of a big red chest. The sound vibrated my eardrums._

 _Quil groaned. "That doesn't even go in there." He stood and waved toward the door. "You can go anytime. The door is open."_

" _Leave her alone," Jake said._

 _Quil sat back down. A question of why Leah was still there hung in the air. He didn't ask, nor did he have to. As out of place as it was for her to be there, we all knew why she was. She didn't just lose a boyfriend and a member of her family; she'd also lost the group of friends she'd spent most of her time with._

 _Quil opened his mouth again when Leah popped the hood on the old Chevy that'd belonged to his dad, but Embry kicked the legs of the stool beneath him. "Shut up, will you?"_

 _Quil looked away and the room fell silent._

 _Leah took a deep breath before lowering the hood. "Can you guys just leave me be, please? I'm trying here. I just need…"_

 _The girl needed a hug, not that I was going to give her one, but someone should have._

" _A rebound," Embry said, his eyes opening wider, as if he couldn't believe what he'd just said._

 _My jaw dropped in shock. Quil laughed so hard that he started coughing._

 _Jake snapped his fingers. "Embry, you better start running because I'm going to let her hurt you."_

" _What for?" Embry asked. "I was just kidding, unless…," he said, his gaze going Leah's way._

" _Embry!" Jacob said, his voice filled with warning, but Leah waved it off with a laugh._

" _Thanks for the offer," she said before rolling her eyes and sitting on the arm of the couch beside me, "but no thanks. Rebounds are most definitely not a good thing, but they're probably even worse if they were dating the cousin who just stole your boyfriend. I can't trust myself to make good decisions anymore, obviously." She gestured at her current surroundings._

 _I was borderline offended. Whatever my threshold was for rudeness, she was close to reaching it. I had sympathy for her, and we'd been nothing but nice, but she'd been nothing but annoyed at being stuck with us._

" _Who was she dating?" Embry asked, his interest far to keen on anything she'd be willing to tell him. We all knew Sam had left her for her cousin, Emily, but the details on the matter had been discreet. I was ready for her to lash out. Sam and Emily were subjects best avoided in her presence. When she didn't show her usual anger, my hearing tuned in a little, and I would bet, so did everyone else's. I doubted anyone in that garage had any kind of sexual experience except for Leah, who seemed to have a few stories to tell._

" _Doesn't matter," she said._

 _With her encroaching on my personal space, I slid over, closer to Jake._

 _Leah took my movement as making room for her and slid right down into the spot I had just vacated. Looking at Jake and me, she said, "You two can learn from my mistakes. Don't trust each other, your friends, or your family, and when you break up, hooking up with someone else right away helps nothing."_

 _We weren't together in the first place, so I didn't get it. She was either delusional, or she thought she was funny._

 _In a sarcastic voice, Jake said, "Yeah, sure, Lee. Whatever you say." Me, I just glared straight ahead and imagined my eyes were directed at her while Embry and Quil encouraged her to keep talking._

 _._

.

.

"Sam's ex?" Edward moves toward me and hands me his gray hoody. It's far from the body heat that Alice had in mind, but I take it and put it on. "She's with Jake now, but you're friends with her?" he asks.

"No," I say, trying to negate his worry. "Maybe before, sort of, but not really, and not at all now." I reach out to him, before taking his hand and pulling him toward me. "She'd mentioned some things about a rebound after Sam. Probably just because I was around and all, but now, I know who she was talking about."

He nods, his gaze going off in the distance.

I bring his hand to rest on my thigh. I don't want what I've learned tonight to change anything between us. "So, before what happened with you and Leah, she was with Sam, and you were with her cousin, Emily, right? For how long?"

He shakes his head, mindlessly caressing my thigh. "It wasn't like that."

The lampposts at this park either don't work or don't exist because the only real light in the area is coming from inside Edward's car, and when that clicks off, there is a glow coming from down the street and the occasional headlights passing by.

I don't push him to tell me. I don't like talking about Jake. If he doesn't want to talk about exes, I don't blame him.

He climbs up on the fence beside me. The wood bends but holds our weight. "She didn't live around here, so we only hung out whenever she was in town. She'd call sometimes before she moved here, but she was into Sam the whole time. It wasn't like she was my girlfriend. She wasn't, so it doesn't matter."

I nod to show my agreement that the people from our past don't matter. I know Edward worries about girls being hung up on other guys. I've seen it firsthand with the girls in Forks, but these girls that he actually gave the time of day to have evidently brought that issue to a whole different level. "How long were you talking to her?"

"Like a year." He lets out a heavy breath. "I should have known though."

"How?"

"She'd call, ask about different couples, and want to know all these things about them." He waves a hand out in front of him. "So, basically, she's Jasper."

I laugh at the lightness of his tone as he compares her to Jasper. I think maybe he's been starting to warm up to him, but it may be too soon to tell.

"She'd ask me if Sam looked happy, and if I thought his relationship would last. She was obsessed with him, but she'd ask about other people too, so I didn't catch on. She'd ask about you and Jake though, and I didn't want to talk about that, so I'd just hang up on her."

I nudge his shoulder with mine. "You did not."

He smiles and nudges my shoulder right back. "I know, but I thought about it. See, I shouldn't have been talking to her anyway, but you had a boyfriend, so I didn't know what to do with myself."

My palm goes to my forehead. "So now it's _my_ fault."

He hops off the fence. "Sorry, but yeah, I guess it is." He shrugs and laughs as he offers me his hand.

"Well, I'm really sorry I let you get involved in all that," I say, letting him help me off the fence as I play along for a moment. I push up the arms of his hoody to free my hands from the long sleeves and place a fingertip against his lips in the place I want to kiss before I do it. Just once. It's been too long in his presence without kissing him. I drop my voice to a whisper. "I'm also sorry to tell you, but back then, I didn't have a boyfriend."

We start walking toward the car hand in hand, but he stops and says, "For real?"

"For real. People just assumed, but we were just friends for a long time."

"Huh." He pulls his upper lip between his teeth.

He doesn't say anything after we get in the car, even though he looks at me several times as if he wants to. I leave him to his thoughts because I also needed a minute to digest what he'd just shared with me tonight.

Finally, he cracks the slightest smile, and says, "I guess I have to get you home. Huh?"

I nod before leaning over the center console and attempting to kiss away all these talks about other people. It's just us now. His lips are really soft. Why does that still surprise me?

"I like you," I say in a breathless, just-kissed way with words that tumble out of my mouth because he just makes me say these things.

His answering smile has me smiling right back. "Yeah?" he asks.

I nod and look away as my face heats up, shy all of a sudden, but I'm not. It seems my body doesn't know that. Even as a flushed feeling spreads through me, I look at him, feeling silly and giddy.

He laughs and shakes his head as he puts the key in the ignition. He turns it, starting the car just for it to turn back off. He tries the key again, back and then forward, but this time, it doesn't turn on at all.

He sighs and apologizes. I check the time in case I need to let my dad know what's going on, but Edward is calling Emmett, and we're not too far from home. We could maybe even walk it or run. People jog at night all the time. I'm sure. My dad would love that.

"He's not answering," Edward says.

I open my call log. "It's okay. I'll call my dad."

"Hold on. I'll try someone else," he says as he brings his phone up to his ear. "Hey, I think my battery died. Can you pick us up?"

He looks at me, but the expression on his face does not look like whoever he's talking to is going to help. "Okay, so you're a liar," he says. "Whatever happened to you'd pick me up no questions asked." He does one of those disbelieving, half-laughs. "How do you know I'm not drinking? Did I say I wasn't drinking? I am, now can you just hurry up?"

He hangs up the phone and starts texting.

"Who was that?" I ask.

He keeps typing as he says, "My dad. He's coming. He just likes to be difficult. Sorry about him in advance."

It's not long before headlights are turning off the road and pulling into the spot next to us. We're out of Edward's car and in the backseat of his dad's before he's out of the car himself. He shakes his head as he closes his door and turns toward the back, extending his hand. "Carlisle," he says with a smile that might rival Edward's, but I'm pretty sure that it's the same one.

"Bella," I say, remembering to make eye contact as I shake his hand, but failing to resemble anything close to a grip.

"Isabella Swan?" he asks. When I nod, he turns to Edward. "You're getting arrested."

"What? Why?" Edward asks.

"Do you know who her dad is? What time are you supposed to have her home?"

Edward leans over to see the time on the dashboard, scoffing as he says, "Ten thirty."

It's ten twenty-nine.

"Dammit, Edward," he says as he reverses the car and drives away from the park faster than I imagine he usually drives. "You could have told me that. Sorry, Bella."

Edward scoots over to the middle seat and puts his arm around me. "Maybe you should have come when I called you instead of messin' around."

"Yeah, okay. I'm not bailing you out when he locks you up. I'm as good as broke when it comes to you."

Edward rolls his eyes. "Why do you even say that? I can fish. He likes fishing. I'll be fine."

"Bella," Carlisle says, adjusting the rearview mirror so he can look back at me through it. "Don't listen to him. This guy hasn't been fishing since he was five."

Edward laughs. "Turn on the radio, would you? Seriously." He turns to me. "Sorry."

"It's okay." I can't imagine my dad will be too mad if I'm just a few minutes late.

Carlisle Cullen seems to know where I live based on the streets that he chooses to take without asking for directions, so I lean my head against Edward's shoulder.

A few minutes later, Edward turns to me and tilts my chin up. "I should have talked to you…back then. I probably never would have, but I should…I should have."

"It's okay," I say, taking his hand and intertwining our fingers, remembering the moment I caught him alone at that party and my impulse being to talk to him. "Because apparently, eventually I would have, and now we're good, yeah?"

"Yeah." He brings the back of my hand to his mouth and presses his lips against it.

When we're parked in my driveway, Carlisle offers to talk to my dad, but I'm pretty sure everything will be okay. Edward walks me to my door, shooting his dad a glare over his shoulder when he catches him watching us.

"Should I?" he asks pointing toward the door.

I glance toward the door that's about to divide us. I'm not quite ready for the night to end. "No, I've got it."

"Okay, well I should probably…" He motions with his thumb behind him, before looking back at his dad, who is busying himself with his phone. Edward steps forward and kisses me. It's short, but he lingers close to me afterward. It probably looks like he's still kissing me anyway, so I kiss him again.

"I'll call you," he says as he takes a step away.

"Okay…wait! Your hoody." I start to take it off.

"You hold onto it." The way he smiles at me lights up everything.

I go in before I mess up and smell his hoody in front of both him and his dad, but as soon as I'm inside, that's exactly what I do. I don't know what he'll wear tomorrow. He might like wearing limited clothes at home, but at school, he basically lives in this thing.

"Bella, is that you?" My dad calls from the living room.

"Yeah." I hold in my sarcastic thoughts of declaring I'm someone else as I head to the living room to face my dad. "Sorry I'm late. The car battery died, and his dad had to come get us. It won't happen again."

He looks from the TV, to me, to the clock on the wall, and back to me. "Oh, right. You're grounded."

He looks back to the TV, so I can't tell if he's serious.

"Oh, okay." My throat drops to my stomach as I imagine losing my phone and not being able to answer Edward's call. I stand there awkwardly and wait a minute before I ask. "What does that mean exactly?"

"No TV." He waves me off.

"That's fair." I start moving toward the stairs. "Night, Dad."

"Night." He waits until I'm a few steps up before he yells after me, "And Bella, that's just for tonight. You can have TV privileges back tomorrow." He laughs as if he's just told the best joke of his life.

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I'm in my bed with Edward's hoody against my skin when he calls.

"How much trouble are you in?" he asks.

"No TV for the rest of the night."

He chuckles. "Oh."

I laugh with him, as we start talking the way we have been every night. I miss him already, but in the dark, it's his voice in my ear, the smell of him and almost the feel of him as I lay wrapped up in his hoody that has me feeling like he's here.

"Are you sleeping in my hoody?" he asks.

"What?" My smile beams. "Why would you think that?"

"Are you?" he asks again.

I glance at the light coming from under my door and speak lower, as if just knowing my dad is still awake means he can hear me. "Maybe."

"What else are you wearing?"

Not much, is what I think, but I say, "These shorts-like things."

He groans. "Babe."

"What? They're boy shorts, so they're underwear, but shorts, so they're not even sexy."

He ticks his tongue. "New rule. You don't get to say what's sexy."

"Why?" I ask, the pout as evident in my voice as it is on my face.

"Because you don't know. At least not when it comes to you."

"Is that so?" I don't feel unsexy though, not right now, and really, I never feel that way with him.

"It is."

"Can I ask you something?" I ask, feeling brave in the dark after all the talks we had tonight, and a first date that ended with his hoody being left with me for the night.

"Yeah," he says, voice low and maybe just a bit deeper than normal.

My question might not fit with this mood. The past has a way of throwing ice water on things, but I ask anyway. "You know how like when we've done…things, and when you said you really liked the way I said your name. Do you think that's because of the whole being called Sam thing?"

"Um," he says and then there's a pause that lasts a little too long. "I guess the first time at Mike's, I was relieved, but then after that, it's just the way you sound, and you know…the way you wrap around me."

"Oh. Okay." Goosebumps ripple up my arms. "So…what are you wearing?"

He laughs. "Just these boxer things. They're like underwear shorts, though, so not sexy or anything."

"Yeah, okay," I say. We both laugh as if we both know how the other would feel if we saw each other's choice of sleepwear.

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 **Author's Note:**

It's was amazing getting all your reviews last chapter and seeing that many are still reading after I didn't get a chapter up for several months. The next few chapters are written, but I'm still working out a few things, so an update isn't likely next week, but fingers crossed for the week after.

I really hope this chapter helped answer a few questions after I cut off the last chapter where I did. Thanks so much for reading! And thanks a bunch to Your Vixen for prereading and dazzled eyes22 for betaing!


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

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Baseball. Edward Cullen played baseball, and apparently, my dad has gone to a few of his games. I'm at the kitchen table wearing Edward's hoody as I look through last year's yearbook. There are other pictures of him throughout. I imagine he must have had photographers following him around school as if they were paparazzi. No one should be featured in one book this much. We have an entire student body, who could have been included, but this just shows how obsessed we are with one guy. I started flipping through my yearbook to figure out what games my dad was talking about, but now I can't stop looking at it.

My dad takes the empty cereal bowl I've left beside me on the table. "Sorry," I say as he takes it to the sink.

"It's okay." He turns on the faucet. "I was your age once. I remember how it is the first time you get all lovesick."

I keep my eyes on the yearbook, seeing Edward's hair at various lengths and his face from different angles. I'm not sure what to say. I know my dad was young once, but he doesn't talk about it much, so it's hard to imagine him at my age.

"You ever taking that thing off?" he asks, eyes set on Edward's hoody.

I unzip it and put it on the back of the chair. "Yes." I could wear it to school. That would be telling, but I won't do that to him. I wonder what would happen if I did though. How would he react? How would everyone else? Really, what would he do if I did?

My dad grabs a small padded envelope off the counter and tosses it on the table. "This came for you. What did you order anyway?"

I grab the envelope, rip it open, and pull out the tiny item. Before examining it the way I'd like to, I hand it to my dad, so I can get out the last bit of cash I own. When he let me use his credit card, I didn't have the right change to pay him back, and he wanted me to wait until I did. Now, change is all I seem to have.

His brows scrunch. "It's an eyeball." He glances at me. "Are you kidding me? Inside joke or something?"

"Maybe," I say. It may be an inside thing, but Edward's eye drawings aren't really funny, especially when they're surrounded by the flower design I made on my necklace. I'd really like to create his way of combining the two in my own way but making an eye out of wires wouldn't look as nice as one that is marble. Now that it's here, I just need to make it. I hope I can get it to look right, and then decide what to put it on.

He gives the marble eye back to me, while I slide a few dollars and a bunch of change his way. As he gathers up the money, I thank him repeatedly until he tells me to stop it.

Before I leave, I look back at Edward's hoody one last time, wondering how long he'll let me keep it, and hoping that wearing it so much has left his smell on me.

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The bell will ring any second now, signaling the start of class. I watch Tanya and her friends, waiting for some news as to what Tanya has to say about her evening at the Cullens', but their chatter is restricted to Siobhan's birthday party. The couples' theme has stuck, and the guest list is very exclusive. It is not the kind of insider information I'd like to have.

Heidi scoots her chair closer to mine and nudges me with her elbow. "He wasn't there," she says in a whisper.

I give her the best confused face I can manage. "Who? Where? What are you talking about?"

"Cullen." She taps her pen against her teeth, looking at me like I'm not fooling anyone. "It's okay. Everyone's been wondering." She leans toward my ear, and my body, that's known to lean the opposite way in these situations, moves toward her.

"He supposedly was out with someone." She points upward as if asking me to wait a moment as she thinks. "I bet Jasper introduced them. They've been hanging out. Have you noticed? He's super cute – Jasper, not Cullen. Cullen is cute too, but I mean Jasper. Maybe I should talk to him."

"No," I say, but I can't think of a single reason that I can give her as to why. I turn on my best gossiping voice as I say, "You know who's really cute? Tyler. You'd look great together, and you know what, I owe him a dollar." I grab my wallet from my bag. "You could pay him back for me and see if you feel a spark or something." I have to go through the tiny zipper compartment and count out a dollar's worth of change.

She takes it, sliding it off my desk and into her hand. "I've got this." She gives me a wink just as class begins.

I really am getting better at this friend thing.

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Lunch has become so much more as Alice and Rosalie eagerly await Jasper and Emmett's latest antics, but of course, Edward never steps foot in the cafeteria. When Jasper and Emmett walk over to our table, grab chairs, and flip them around so they can sit on them backwards, I can't say that I'm not envious. Despite getting dates, kisses, late night phone calls, and intimate moments, I still want the butterflies of the one-time Edward tried to talk to me at school. I want the excitement of wondering what he might say or do.

"What's for lunch?" Emmett asks as he grabs my lunch bag. He pulls out my apple and hands it to me as if it's a gift he got me.

"Thanks." I take the rest of my lunch back.

Jasper takes a deep breath, but he's staring at the table. I look at Alice and tilt my head Jasper's way, but her eyes go wide as she shakes her head.

I'd kick her under the table, but my legs aren't long enough. "Hey, Jasper, how are you?"

"Um…pretty good." He nods as if he's trying to convince himself. "We're skating tonight, so if you happen to be there, I guess we'll see you."

"Yeah?" I ask, looking at Alice who gives the slightest of nods. "We'll probably be there."

He smiles. "Maybe we can hang out at my house again after…or not. Whatever's cool."

I look over at the two girls that really like these guys, but they are offering nothing to this conversation. "Yeah, maybe."

When Jasper and Emmett head to the lunch line, I look at my two friends. "Lame. You're both lame."

Alice gasps. "That's not fair. This is hard and Rose has her Alec thing. I'll try to talk to him tonight though. Promise, okay?"

I look at Rose, feeling a tightening in my chest, not knowing what to make of this. "Are you coming with us then? I already told," I lower my voice, "Edward, that you're single. I'm sure Emmett knows. Do I need to take it back?"

Rose looks toward the lunch line. "No, it's not a big deal. He wants to talk, and I told him I'd think about it, but I don't know what I'm going to do yet."

I push it down and try to let it go, but as much as I trust her, I know she was really into Alec for a long time. I can't help wishing I'd never said anything about her being single.

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I stop at my locker way-too-slowly, so I can see Edward. I haven't seen him all day. He's down the hall and dressed in a black hoody that I've never seen before. His eyes are on me, and I'm caught staring at him, paying no mind to my locker. I smile. He smiles back. It's a fleeting moment before his name is called from somewhere behind him and then he's ducking into a random classroom while holding a folder in front of his face. It's definitely not his next class. I hear his name called again as the door shuts behind him. Whatever her name is, I think it's Jane, she has a camera around her neck. I guess I get to see the yearbook paparazzi in action. Jasper approaches, tapping her on the shoulder with a mischievous smile. I'm amused as I stand back and watch, but I want to go over there and get this girl to leave him alone myself.

"So, you think I'm cute," Tyler says as he leans back against the locker beside mine and pulls his hat off, as if he's prepared for me to scold him.

"I didn't…" I stop myself because I did in fact say that. "That's not what I meant. I was trying to set you up with someone."

"Heidi? Really, Bella?" he asks with a pout.

I can't help but laugh as I say, "Well, I don't see why not." She may be a little high maintenance, but she'd make for a better girlfriend than Lauren, who breaks up with him every five minutes. Who could be happy with that?

"Bro, what the hell?" Mike says and pushes on Tyler's shoulder. Mike looks at me, but it's not in any kind of greeting or the flirting I'm used to getting from him.

Tyler crosses his arms and straightens his posture. "What did I do?"

"You know," Mike says with a nod my way. "Hey, Bella," he says before glaring at Tyler.

I say, "Hey," with a wave, but he's not listening or looking at me. What's his deal today?

I look past them because they are wasting my time and ruining the reason that I was standing here in the first place. I don't want to be on this side of the hall with these two and whatever it is they're secretly communicating. I want to be down the hall, guarding Edward from his fans, but no, Jasper's doing it while I'm stuck here…except I'm not. I walk away without a word, leaving Mike and Tyler to their vague sentences, glares, and hand gestures.

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I see his dirt bike blocking my truck before I see him, all tall and long hair blowing around before he ties it back. I look around the parking lot, needing an escape, a buffer, or anything. Edward's car is gone. I catch sight of Alice's car as she turns out of the school parking lot, and I know Rose is in the front seat. Jasper and Emmett are a few spaces away, looking at Jake, but as much as I hope they will, they don't look my way. Even if they did, they don't know the plight I'm in. They get in the Jeep, and it feels like I've depleted all my options. I look around for someone, anyone. Where's Heidi when I need her? Tyler? Hell, I'd settle for Mike Newton, but no one's around to save me.

I take a deep breath and walk to my truck. One step in front of the other, but the trek isn't long enough. I kick the front tire on his bike. "Finally fixed it?"

"Well, it was fixed." Jake laughs. "You just broke it."

"My bad." I don't look at him as I ask, "Why are you here?"

"I forgot to give this back." A pair of pink fuzzy dice are shoved into my line of sight.

I laugh at how ridiculous the object is, but I shake my head. "Not mine. You keep it."

"I know," he says with a sadness I haven't heard much of through all of his anger. "I tried, but I can't. Can you please just take it?"

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 _Jake's head wouldn't stop shaking as he watched me buy the fuzzy pair of dice and even still, as I hung them over his rearview mirror, but he was smiling through his protest._

" _Bella." He laughed and covered his eyes. "I can't even look at it. It's so corny."_

 _I reached up and adjusted the new décor. "Jake, c'mon now. You're the corniest person I know."_

 _He uncovered his eyes. "What's with the insults?" His face and voice both showed mock offense._

" _Oh, don't act like I hurt your feelings. Leah says way worse, and you don't mind at all."_

 _He slapped his chest and kept his hand there. "That's because Leah hates me, and there's nothing that I can do about it. With you though, I can't take this. I thought there was love here."_

 _I pinched the corner of the dice. "Dude, I just bought you these. How much more love do you need?"_

 _He dropped his smile at the same time that he dropped his hand. "It's all good, Bella."_

" _But?" I asked because his seriousness was not normal. It did something to me, making me feel dark when everything with him always felt so light._

 _He pressed his lips into a thin line and exhaled an audible breath through his nose. "But…do you ever think about us being…more?" His voice bobbed as he swallowed. "We kind of are already, right? Me and you."_

 _He was asking too many questions. I was stuck on the first one, trying to remember if I ever really had thought about it._

 _With the answer to his first question being, not really, no, I was thrown off on what to make of the second question. Were we already more? He had become by far the best friend I'd ever had. Alice was great. I loved having her in my life, but on a deeper level, we didn't tend to connect. With Jake, maybe we did. Over the course of the first year I'd lived in Forks, our friendship went from awkward acquaintances to him being the one person I was most comfortable being around. It was probably a natural progression to be more than friends, and we would have been a lot sooner if my shortcomings weren't involved, but could I be a girlfriend? Did I want to be_ his _girlfriend? The answer to that question was an easy yeah._

" _Never mind." He pulled his seatbelt on. "Forget I said anything. I'm hungry. Are you hungry? Let's go eat."_

" _No, wait. I'm just thinking, okay?" I pulled on the metal buckle on my own seatbelt, but I didn't put it on. I slid the buckle up and down. Maybe I could ignore teasing from our friends, but if Jake thought there was something here, there was no pretending I didn't know that._

" _Okay," he said and pushed his keys into the ignition, but he didn't turn them._

" _I've never really thought about it," I admitted because honesty was probably a good basis to start anything, but the way his eyes fell made my heart heavy. "In terms of labels and all that."_

 _He sat there, waiting with all that patience he'd always had for me, as I twisted my thoughts around until I could find something coherent to say. I didn't want to hurt him with my inability to be normal. I didn't know the first thing about being a girlfriend, but it made the most sense for me to be his._

" _We're just us," I said. "You're right, though. We've been getting closer for a while, so if you want to throw a label on it, go ahead. Words aren't going to change anything, really. We'll still be us."_

 _Jake took a deep breath. "Okay. Yeah." He released his seatbelt, turned toward me and reached for my hands. "I should probably kiss you now."_

 _My mouth started to fall open, but I snapped it closed. If we were going to do this, we'd still be us, but there was a physical aspect that would change. I hadn't thought about that, but it was absolutely something I would need to get used to if I was going to be his girlfriend. I was his girlfriend. "Yeah, you probably should."_

 _The few times I'd been kissed before in my attempts at dating back in Phoenix, they'd just sort of done it, and I just went with it the best I could. With Jake, it felt like a conscious decision. It might have been his idea, but I was ready to go through with it._

 _I closed my eyes and waited. When it finally happened, I didn't die. I didn't get sick or even flinch. It was Jake, and whether I meant us to or not, somewhere along the line, we became an_ us _._

 _I opened my eyes to find him looking at me with a cheesy grin. "So corny," I muttered under my breath._

" _Yeah, yeah, let's go eat something," he said, fastening his seatbelt before turning the car on._

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I take the stupid dice. "Fine, okay, fine. I'll take them. Now, will you please move your bike?"

"Whatever, Bella." He gets on the bike and drives off. The rumble of the engine can be heard long after he's out of sight. I can't get out of here fast enough, so I throw the dice onto the passenger seat and go home.

There's a box in my closet filled with way too much stuff. I should probably burn it all or throw it out, but I can't bring myself to do it. Nothing in the box is a reminder of a relationship gone wrong. Everything in there is a reminder of a friendship that should have been lifelong. I hate that. I hate that so much. I don't get that box out and open the lid because these fuzzy dice that led to where we are now don't belong in there. I get out of the car, dice in hand, walk to the end of the driveway, and lift a different lid. Luckily, the trash service hasn't been by yet.

Once inside, I lay down with Edward's hoody as I try to remember who I am now. I'm not the same girl who spent her weekends with her best friend at the beach. I'm not the same girl who broke his heart. I may not know exactly who I am now, but I have a better idea of the things I want.

When my phone rings, I look at the screen and smile before I answer. "Hey."

"Hey," Edward says. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I say, still smiling. "It was a weird day."

"Yeah?" he asks.

"Yeah, you have paparazzi. I saw them today. I was looking at last year's yearbook this morning, and it's all you."

He groans. "I know. Let's join yearbook and fix the next one."

"Okay," I say with a laugh. "I'm in, but how do we join, and how do I still get a copy that mostly has you in it?"

"No clue, but we can make our own yearbook." He laughs. "You going to the skate park?"

"I'm pretty sure I am. Yeah."

"Then I'll see you later tonight?" he asks.

"Hope so." I look down at his hoody. I should probably bring it, but do I want to give it back? No, not really.

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Author's note: Thanks everyone for sticking with me! Spring Break is coming up for me in two weeks, and I'm hoping to get so much written in that time.

Thanks YourVixen for prereading and dazzled eyes22 for betaing! You both have such great ideas for bettering this story.

Thanks everyone for all your reviews. We're so close to reaching 1000. That'll be a first for me if we do! I love reading all your thoughts. I hope to have more posted soon.


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